Scared of a dead bedroom?

Question

boyfriend (22) is avoiding sex after like a week of moving in, we used to have sex all the time in random places and now its occasional, before bed after I (21f) beg him.
I feel so unsexy and ugly and whenever I ask him about it he gets triggered by it. I'll try to initate sex non verbally and he'll even get a hard on but as soon as I touch it he usually brushes me off and says 'nooooooo' so I obviously don't push any further but it hurts a lot
We've bee together for 1 year and 2 months, 6 of which I was abroad and he visited twice and I came home once. I'm back permanently and I've been living with him for 4 weeks.
We're very strong and very close and managed being apart to stuck in lock down together pretty well except for the sex 😔

JSmith925 · Accepted Answer

This is a very bad sign. I have a woman friend who was in a similar situation. After moving in, he made every excuse in the book not to have sex and wanted to shower right away after they did, as though he could not wait to wash her off. (I should think he would want to wait a day to shower just to enjoy the traces of her wafting back from time to time!)

She married him (against my advice). They were together for five years and they hardly ever had sex. Not only that but he was a dead beat and she paid most of the bills.

You know the rest of the story. Of course it ended in divorce. Wish I could give you better news, truly.

~JSmith

Running_Man · Accepted Answer

Check out secure, avoidant and anxious attachment styles, sounds like your man has an avoidant style. This lockdown might make it difficult for him to have his personal space, triggering him when you want more intimacy. I'm guessing he handled the long distance part well. This means it has nothing to do with you. Talk to him about personal space. Keep in mind that this is just one possibility, but one worth investigating.

btbc92 · Answer

You don't like having sex with you anymore especially with premarital sex. Plain and simple. Everybody is giving you the wrong answer. The right answer is that you both bad enough but instead with this, you're moving in together when you're not married, and now he's saying that he made a mistake. At this point you need to really ask him what is it that he really wants and please do not touch him.

You have a problem of self-love because you feel like having sex is only for you to really love yourself and that's not how you love yourself. He is not your husband he does not owe you sex and he does not owe to do any of those things for you. You don't do those things without asking. that's why it's a good thing that you both were not having sex at that time. It allow him to see what he was already doing wrong. At this point you better be prepared to try to move wherever you came from if this is not your apartment or home. You better seriously look at yourself and why you do the things that you do because you are who you attract. He now starting to realize that to himself. you may not like what I have to say but this is the answer you're going to have to accept you're not going to have a choice because he's already at that stage where he may just want to break up with you. Sorry to say.

AustinMan · Answer

Have you tried something a bit more subtle so things can develop a bit more naturally. Wear the things he likes most. Wear things that'll turn him on and see if he reacts. Don't go too invested so you don't get hurt if it doesn't work. Just try different things.

MaidenMandy30 · Answer

Possibly just confront him on what your feeling and see what he says before beating yourself up

Finchie40 · Answer

That’s your answer not to marry this guy , by him moving in with you has made him see a side of you that he probably doesn’t like , so be smart and kick him out or you are just wasting your time with someone that doesn’t value you , trust me on this , kick him out