When I was 16 I slept with a 29 year old, it still haunts me. Why?

Question

When I was 16 I was working at a party as a glass collector. My boss said when I finished I could have a drink and I hadn't eaten all day as i was there early so i got drunk off one glass of wine. My colleague made friends with the bosses son and when the party was over he took us to a club. He walked straight to the toilets and came out and said "we have to go" and suddenly we were in a taxi with all his friends. We get out at this house and they were giving us wine and I started to feel very very drunk. I didn't know where I was or what was happening.

There was suddenly just me, my colleague and two men. My colleague and one of the men disappeared upstairs so we went too. He gave me a shirt and some shorts to wear to bed and I guess you can imagine what happened.

He got my number and would message me telling me he wanted to marry me if I was older and that I shouldn't tell anyone. When I got a boyfriend when I was 18 and we'd go out the 29 year old would shake my boyfriends hand and hug me. For years he'd message me on Facebook. He'd stare at me when I would go out.

To this day that night still haunts me and it's one of my biggest regrets. Just thought I'd vent and tell my story just to let it go.

ScottStevens · Accepted Answer

It haunts you because it should. You did not sleep with this guy, he raped you. You had know idea what you were doing and had no way of consenting. Your feelings are as valid as the day is long.

His guilt lead him to continue to lie to you and try to conceal the truth. If he ever cared one bit he would have tried to apologize. The best thing you have done is to write here and let all of us tell you the same truth and also let us admire you for being so strong to finally open up and let it out. Remove your feelings of having an attraction to him, there are many good looking men in this world who will love you and respect you the way you deserve.

I think you really need a good solid SCREAMMMMM. Let it all out and do it whenever you need. Holding in the truth will never let you find the resolution you need to this story. You did nothing wrong, other people help put you in a bad situation, and this guy took complete advantage of that situation for his own pleasure and your pain.

Like most everyone else in here, I am going to give you the same advise. It will do you wonders to find a professional counselor to discuss this incident with. They will help you find peace. It will be hard for you to dive deeply into any relationship now or in the future when this nightmare is still part of you.

Best Wishes!

Levin · Accepted Answer

You were deeply traumatised. You couldn't give consent. Presumably you were terribly frightened. Something deeply wrong happened to you and you have held it in your heart since. Someone took advantage of you. And I'm sorry that happened.

There's not any magical way to deal with trauma, but the main thing is that you don't keep it bottled up. It may be helpful to examine how you are feeling, and how it made you feel, with someone, or even just yourself. Self writing can be useful. Then just tear up that paper after. I'm sure there's a lot of emotions and a lot of feelings you have pertaining to that event. Go at your own pace in dealing with it.

MalcolmNZ · Answer

You were just a kid at 16 and an adult took advantage of you. Look who owned the problem - it wasn't you!

Browneye57 · Answer

Consider professional counseling. They can help you sort through all the feelings and emotions.

RHK36 · Answer

That sucks and it's unfortunate that it happened. I hope in the future you're able to compartmentalize it better. Regrets are the worst as you can't turn back time.