Is there anyway to just not give a f*ck about dating at all?

[Anonymous]

Back in January I went on a last second trip to another country. Solo but made a few friends along the way. Went kayaking, hiking, exploring, etc. While I was out there I felt my mind just let go. For the last 3 years I’ve been searching for a woman to get serious with. As much as I want that I felt like much of it was driven by insecurity. Insecurity over past failed relationships. Insecurity over pressure from my family. Insecurity to seeing long time friends “man up” and settle down. Insecurity from my rough past for being mocked for being the “weird guy”. But for a while I seriously didn’t care.

Sure enough a few weeks later I met two other women on a business trip. Both were extremely interested in me. They were young and pretty too. One literally invited me over her place and it was literal role reversal for how that all goes. But they are both in a city I don’t want to live in.

But this pandemic has been absolutely horrible for my mental state. All my friends, family and tenant roommates have someone. For better or worse they have someone to talk to (and bang) everyday. I found myself swiping away on dating apps. Got a few matches but all but one were flakes. I did get one girl but she was disappointing much less attractive in person (at least 20 lbs heavier). I also indulged in much more porn than I want to admit it. Tried to quit but it was such a quick mental escape.

But back to that I don’t give a shit feeling. I always envied people like that. But how can I get my mind back to that quickly?

[Anonymous]

First, separate your feelings for companionship from your desire to come. The porn watching is because you haven't gotten it in awhile, not because you're lonely. You won't change your body and mind's chemistry that wants you to procreate. Don't get down on yourself for that.

Once you separate that out, and once you accept that you'll just have to take care of that yourself if no one else will, then you will become a lot less desperate when looking for companionship. That'll help you deal with not having anyone (less lonely) and it'll help you also be more confident to women, which will help you get one. Or men, everyone likes confidence.

[Asker]

Good advice. But as for the “confidence” part. Got to say not shit about that. I’m confident when I’m on a mission to do something or my anger is channeled appropriately. This has been a challenge right now.

[Opinion Owner]

maybe confident was the wrong word... maybe I mean laissez faire? Like, it'll matter less to you so you'll seem less anxious or overbearing

[Asker]

Lol. Yeah I like that better. Confidence is power. Everybody knows that. But I’m just sick of people who broadly throw out “be confident” like it’s it hitting a light switch. Women especially vague are notoriously vagueIt’s impacted by engagement, mindset, environment, genetics, etc. People are more or less confident in certain scenarios.

[AustinMan]

I'm so sorry you're suffering. We're all concerned about the pandemic. Just hang on and this too will pass. Make some notes on how the two gals happened in hopes of recreating the chemistry once we're out and about again.

[DDmggrl]

Of course. Look up MGTOW.

[Asker]

I considered that seriously for a while. It works to a certain extent. But I still like any man get horny time to time. I still keep in touch with my long time friends and have to deal with that “so you got a gf?” I had to go to my company Christmas party because it was important to socialize my colleagues, boss and CEO. Virtually everybody had a gf/bf, spouse and kids. I laughed and acted like I didn’t give a shit. But when the CEO asked me point blank in front of my boss, directors and colleagues if I had a wife and kids and I had to say “Nah I’m a free man” it didn’t feel too good. Fortunately my boss (who is a good guy) changed the subject and told my CEO how I used to be pro mma fighter.

[DDmggrl]

Many great men lived unattached. I dream about that life sometimes. It does have its benefits. Of course marriage has benefits too. You must choose the benefits you want.

[Asker]

I would have to disassociate myself from my career, many of my friends and even my family to get to that point. To a certain extent I’ve already done that. But this would a whole another level. The holidays always suck though. I’m jaded just from meeting to many shithead women over the years. They are not all bad. But every single one of them just have to “test me”. If I don’t pass their test I get thrown under the bus at some point. Even women I fully trusted have done that shit to me. The only way to fight back is not care. But requires a whole another level of disassociation

[Cannuck22]

Yup I do it. If I meet someone great. I tried the darting apps they are all bullshit. Full of fake women. You have to have the mindset that most online date sites forums like this all full of tolls and fakes.

[Asker]

Dating apps are like giant cesspools that occasionally have an oasis. But the oasis’ are getting further and fewer between. The problem is I live in an area that has few available women. Not on a college campus anymore.