Is it very concerning if a teenager is attracted to much older people?

Thinking back on when I developed the tastes I have now, I realized that it was around 14 that I became attracted to middle-aged or even old men. Plenty of teenagers find people in their twenties or sometimes a little older attractive but I didn’t think my preference was that bizarre until I shared it with friends, who were shocked and a bit grossed out. I feel like I missed out on a lot of milestones like the first kiss, first date, first relationship, etc that happen during your teenage years because I’m practically never attracted to other teenagers. I’ve never actually pursued an older man, or really anyone, but I wonder if it’s actually that concerning that I’m interested in them.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • No, there is nothing wrong with it, let alone concerning. This assuming that you did not engage in behavior with older men that would put you at risk.

    In my late 20s I dated a woman who was divorced and in her late 60s. She had two sons about my age, for gosh sakes. To me, she seemed sexy and sophisticated and at that point in my life that worked. I think for her, she was flattered that a guy my age would be interested in her. (It getting a little awkward the two times her oldest son - who did not live with her but seemed to come and go at will, caught us having sex. AWK-WARD!!)

    Ultimately it did not work out. For my part, I knew that I wanted to be a father and that would not happen as she was past child bearing years. For her part, I think that she just got bored. However, it ended amicably.

    For your part, you are talking a slightly different age structure and a teen gal might engage in behavior that - with the wrong guy - could lead to trouble. Beyond that, teens and middle aged men and women are not unknown, though not legal in most jurisdictions.

    As to missing the first kiss, first relationships and so on. While it is true that in some respects you will miss all that in your high school and perhaps college years - you can still have an active social life. (Truth in advertising, I lost my virginity at age 16 to my 15 year old girlfriend.) However, this means that these things will be delayed, not missed forever.

    As to your friends, it is as likely as not that what seems odd to teenagers will, given a few years of growing up, suddenly seem like a really neat idea. Not unlike a 26 year old suddenly seeing a 67 year old woman and finding her sexy and sophisticated. Time has a habit of altering perspective and teenagers are not always the most tolerant of differences.

    Bottom line, we find attractive what we find attractive. For the most part, it matters not what attracts us, but what we do about it. At a point in my life I found an older woman attractive and sophisticated. In my case, for various reasons, it passed.

    In your case, it is very likely that you were simply turned on by the idea of a sophisticated older man who had seen the world and knew something about life. Maybe had a bit more hair on the chest, so to speak. You would not be the first and you torture yourself needlessly if you spend too much time dwelling on it.

  • I never could figure out how love should find its partner it doesn't have eyes just to feeling and if it's not illegal I don't see why everybody make such big hoo rah about it I did think it was cute though we're you said you're almost over it

Most Helpful Girls

  • I think the thing that's concerning is the kind of older men that tend to be attracted to teenagers/barely adults (under 21) more than anything. In my experience from seeing friends date much older men at young ages, they tend to either be extremely emotionally immature and unable to relate to people their own age (and usually like the fact that an impressionable teenager is much easier to convince that they're all that when they really have nothing going for them and usually are way behind in life) or they tend to be predators who like the fact that young and naïve women are easier to control and manipulate, and are more likely to be dependent on them. You could potentially put yourself in a bad situation if you don't know what to look for, or just end up with an immature loser or bum.

    Other than that, preferences are fine no matter how unusual as long as it's between two consenting adults. However, being under 18 and dating an older man in many areas can be classified as statutory rape and is illegal.

  • When you're 18 and older, I don't think it really matters who you are attracted to. When I was around 16, I was attracted to much older men (but never acted on it of course), and now that I'm 25, I'm still attracted to much older men. I went on a date with man in his 40s once lol, and he didn't act 40 at all but also wasn't immature. I just think it's just a preference.

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What Girls & Guys Said

7 15
  • No it isn’t. Since I was 13 I’ve been attracted to and dated older men as I get older... I am speaking of more than a five year gap

    • So how much older? Lol.

    • Some were six, some were as high as 21.

    • Wow. So u still like older guys?

  • Honestly I don’t think it’s concerning. As a lot of people say, age is just a number and yea I think it’s totally fine for you to like someone who’s a lot older than you. If you like each other, who cares about your age difference?

  • What was your relationship like with your dad? Was he around and a good parent? Is there any trauma or anything in your past? Maybe talk to a therapist about all this if you can. It could be the result of something you need to work through or maybe it’s perfectly normal and just a simple preference. I’m not really the one to tell you but a therapist probably could.

    Don’t let your friends shame you for it either way. Caring too much what my friends & siblings would think held me back a lot in my younger years.

    • I think it’s partially because of abandonment issues with my dad, but I was very close to my mom and noticed that I still consistently felt more comfortable talking to adult women than girls my age. I’m attracted to older women platonically and older men sexually and romantically, so I think it could just be that I connect more easily with older people in general.

    • Yea but if you have abandonment issues then you should probably work through them if you want healthy relationships. You should really talk to a therapist. Even if you have to go to a student therapist at a college or something I think they could help you out because I think this is pretty common amongst girls with abandonment issues. I’m not saying it’s impossible for you have a legit relationship with an older man but you could also set yourself up to be used and exploited. My friend from high school was like you, never knew her dad. She didn’t go for older men but was pretty promiscuous and had a thing for asshole men who were often violent and abusive. One boyfriend would beat her up and she’d go back to him everytime, finally one of her other guy friends who was big enough to stand up to him did and she almost instantly fell in love with him and he never wanted more than to be friends with her and thought of her like a sister. It was a sad thing to watch play out, she just needed someone to fill that void and be the protector she never had growing up. I don’t know that your situation is similar but there’s people who studied these things and they do and I think they could help you a lot.

  • Not really

  • It’s not bad per se, but be REALLY careful. Some older guys can hurt you.

  • Well got damn girl! You just like em old. Go on with your bad self! XD

  • well i like milf and stuff but i like younger than that too, i dont think its the same, try them both and see which you like better

  • Lol if you could see the total morons at my school i dont blame you

    • By the end of eighth grade I’d basically given up on guys my age, so that could be part of it 😂

  • Pre 18 I'd worry, but now that you are 18, not so much if you are both consenting adults, what is the harm?

  • You probably have a old soul.

    • Lol my soul is on social security lol

    • Sorry, I see not that much soul in social security.

  • Having an attraction or being interested is much different that actually getting with them. You can find older people attractive. It just depends on what you do with that attraction.

  • 😎😎😎🤙🏼🤙🏼

  • Don't worry, everything will even out eventually. My last girlfriend was 23 years younger than me, I was 44 she was 21. Her father was only 4 years older than I was. Turns out she had a thing for her dad's best friend as well and he was 52. We ended up having a threesome.

    • 😆😆😆😆

  • It's not bad just be careful care there's assholes in every age group

  • Yes..

  • No, not a bad thing. You have your likes, follow what's right for you

  • It happens all the time.

  • i here this a lot. these days.

  • No it's NOT concerning at all. If you like older people and that's what makes you happy then do whatever makes you happy don't giva a damn about what others think.

  • Gerontophilia

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