My boyfriend “kind of raped me”?

[Anonymous]

boyfriend and I used to have sex a lot and then got pregnant. I noticed he was distant and then he cheated on me. We got back together and my son is now 1. It has been two years since I had a drink and I really missed it. When we first got back together 6 months ago I didn’t want to have sex and we never did until last night, but still every time he was around me he would pressure me and initiate something and we would get intimate but within the last month he hasn’t touched me at all and I keep trying and he backs out so I’m scared he’s cheating. So now that I finished breastfeeding I decided to drink for the first time in two years. I got really drunk and I asked to give him a blow job and he said he didn’t feel like it. An hour later I was still drunk and I guess I pressured him and said you never do anything with me anymore are you not into me now? And said I was horny and wanted sex. He said the condoms we have don’t fit and then I said that’s okay we will just make another baby. But I said I was joking and I figured he would just shut me down again. Keep in mind I was very drunk. Then he said fine and he jumped on top of me and took my pants off and I told him to stop and that I don’t actually want to do it without a condom. He was like it’s fine babe I won’t finish inside. And I said no please stop I was joking. And that I was scared. He said just relax and was on top of me. I said I was joking and said no again. Then I felt him inside and asked if he was inside and he said yes and told me to relax again. He said he had been waiting to have sex for such a long time. It felt good but I’m actually terrified of getting pregnant I don’t know why I joked about it and he was getting into it and I told him to stop and he kept going for another minute kept telling me to relax. And then I said stop again and he said fine and got off of me. I know it’s my fault I was being a tease. Should I talk to him. Was I wrong or was he wrong. He was drunk too. Please no mean comments.

[drsatan]

I think the people here saying you asked for it missed the part where you repeatedly said to him "no, please stop it, I didn't mean it"

There are times when no means he's, when it's said with a giggle and a wink. It sounds like you were very clear. Not a "hehe, stooop!" but a firm "no, please stop" and while you were drunk too. If I were you, I'd be leaving this guy. This might not be what would be described had a brutal rape, but the next time could be.

This is a flat out example of rape. I hope the best for you 🙁 I'm sorry.

[Asker]

Thanks. I didn’t expect to get so much blaming on here. I know I was giving mixed signals. Wish I could take it back.

[drsatan]

You did take it back, when you told him no and to please stop. Minds can be changed and consent can be taken back, not afterwards, but you took it back before and during and he ignored you. Any decent person would be completely disgusted by what he did. Do you have other people in your life you can talk to about this?

[Asker]

He never got off he did stop eventually so I just feel so confused. When I asked him before he did anything he also said “I don’t want to do this to you while your drinking” so I feel bad. But then he got so into it. So I don’t know. I have some friends but they don’t like him I’m scared to tell them.

[drsatan]

You know the situation better than I or anyone else does. To me it sounds like he lost his temper or got frustrated and took it out on you by sexually assaulting you. Maybe you think it was something out of character of him and you are partially to blame for whatever reason. I think what he did isn't simply a little mistake we all make from time to time, but the true face of an aggressive attacker who, if he gets away with it this time, will almost certainly do it again and probably push his luck further. Ask yourself how you would feel if it was one of your friends who were in a situation that you are in, what would you say to them? I think you need to try to find the courage to talk to one of your friends about this. It's one thing a stranger telling you these things, but I think you need the support of a real person in your life, someone you know you can really trust.

[Asker]

Thank you for the help. I do feel a bit better knowing that it’s not my fault. I will talk to my friend.

[MrOracle]

in my opinion, you were both equally at fault. Legally, he was wrong, but in reality, you both made equally bad choices.

I recommend you put it past you, and that you realize that getting drunk is a stupid thing to do, and makes you do stupid things and makes you unable to look out for your own interests. You are a parent now, and can't afford to make those kinds of mistakes anymore.

[AustinMan]

It's not your fault. You can tease him. He HAS to know that no means no. You were raped but I wonder if pressing charges is in your best interest.

[chriscdi]

you kinda asked for that

[Danny_dan92]

You got what you asked for. Oh well, it’s not rape

[whitehide]

Yeah, he didn't "kind of" rape you, he raped you.

[kryptocynical]

Yea what a bad toast bread maker

[Prime_Sol]

Pretty sure you manipulated him into that with your admitted days of pressure.
Maybe learn to take no for an answer and this won't happen to you.

[Asker]

No I didn’t pressure him at all for days it was right before hand.

[Prime_Sol]

You literally say he wasn't touching you for a month and you kept asking and finally got drunk and pressured him. Hard to lie when it's in writing.

[Asker]

Lmao no I said he was pressuring me for a long time and I always said no but then within the last month he wouldn’t touch me. That doesn’t mean I pressured him. I tried to get intimate twice but he just wanted to cuddle which is fine. I said the only time I pressured was last night. He’s done this to me many times too. It’s people like you who make victims scared of going to the police.

[Asker]

I tried initiating it doesn’t mean I pressured him. I also never said I tried having sex before.

[Prime_Sol]

My favorite thing is how often girls will try to dodge responsibility. It's a universal trait you all have 👏🏿👏🏿

[Asker]

I did take responsibility I admitted to pressure last night. It’s okay though now that you are categorizing all girls I know I’m talking to a misogynist so I really don’t expect you to understand. Have a nice day.

[ActiveSh1tter]

It's not rape.

[Shamalien]

I wouldn't call that rape u practically begged for it

[Asker]

I know. I feel fucked up.

[Twalli]

He raped you. You said no and he kept going. It doesn't matter if you wanted it originally. You expressed your feelings against it and he didn't listen. Plus we know he heard.

[Reddwolf]

It's not ur fault it was his because he didn't listen to you when you said to stop and yes it was rap

[Jmmmfi4]

He should have stopped

[Anonymous]

He should not have kept going when you asked him to stop. You should not have teased the fuck out of him and then backed out. You were both drunk and you both fucked up. Move on.