Guys, Do most men think about having sex with other women when they’re in relationships?

[Anonymous]

I have been repeatedly hearing on the internet that most guys fantasize about sex with other women when they're in relationships. I am not sure if i’m being naive by saying this, but as a woman, I never felt the urge to have sex with anyone other than the person I was with and figured my boyfriend was the same way. Now I am feeling a very insecure thinking that he fantasizes about other girls he sees regularly. I completely understand that everyone notices attractive people and that is normal but what I am surprised by is that I've been hearing most men will fantasize about having sex with women they find attractive even if they love and are completely infatuated by their wife or girlfriend. Im just hoping this isn't true and that my boyfriend hasn’t done this. Guys is this true for you? What about for the other men you know?

[MrOracle]

I think most guys FANTASIZE about having sex with other women - generally porn girls or just random female images, not so much real women that he knows. Let's be real, your partner isn't always available when you're horny, and sometimes you want to masturbate and just have to worry about yourself - virtually everyone does that, even in a relationship. And that's usually accompanied by some fantasies.

BUT, I think it's the rare exception that guys fantasize about other women WHILE they're having sex with their girlfriend/wife, just to be clear, and it's also the exception that they fantasize about someone they actually know. I'm sure a few guys do that, but most don't - it would be an anonymous porn girl or something that they'll never meet.

[Asker]

i only fantasize about my boyfriend when i masturbate and i was wondering if there are guys who do the same and if so how many guys

[Asker]

when i watch porn i picture the two of us having sex rather than what you suggested where you say men imagine having sex with the girl in the porn- not their girlfriend or wife.

[MrOracle]

But for men, the porn girl is really just a placeholder. There's no connection. It's like going to a restaurant and you know going in that you are ordering steak. You might see a chicken dish that looks good, but you order the steak and the chicken is forgotten. Your brief chicken "infidelity" was meaningless.

[Asker]

this concept just doesn't make sense to me. i think i may be demisexual but im not sure. i guess every guy has been like this all along but i had just automatically assumed they had been like me haha. kinda depressing lol

[MrOracle]

I think MOST women are demisexual to some degree or other (certainly some are not, though). Men's role in biology is VERY different though, and we just don't work that way.

[Asker]

that fucking sucks.

[AAYUSH0216]

This thing is not for me for now.
But yes many men who aren't much interested in their own girl and consider them as primitive, do tend to think about other girls.
It depends on how much worth you have in his eyes.
( I am sorry if these words are sharp, but that's the truth).

[Asker]

No thank you for being honest! And honestly, thats a better answer than what I was expecting. Correct me if I’m wrong but you're basically saying that if a guy is respectful and interested in their girlfriend then they don't generally think about other women in this way.

[AAYUSH0216]

You are absolutely correct. If the guy is respectful and interested in their girlfriend then they will surely not thing about other girls like that.

[AustinMan]

Yes, men do that. It's just programmed in our genes. You can't penalize us or blame us for what we think.

[Asker]

i understand that its natural to find other people attractive but to want to have sex with someone other than your parter for me would feel like crossing a line. of course its not my job to police those thoughts but i do have the right to leave a man if he is having them. i feel like generalizing it and saying all or most men are like this is what bothers me, and saying that they can't help it and its in their dna is what contributes to such a toxic dating culture. this is what i was afraid if hearing. it also confuses me because a lot of men on here said they do not do this yet you're saying they all do.

[AustinMan]

Fantasizing about someone in the abstract and wanting to have sex with them in the concrete are radically different things. This is a case of don't ask, don't tell. There's no harm in thoughts.

[Asker]

i just dont understand why a guy in a relationship with a girl he really likes would need to or want to imagine having sex with other women

[AustinMan]

I'm not able to give you the anthropological basis but it's ingrained in men generally. There are a few exceptions.

[Asker]

that makes me want to break up with my boyfriend and not try dating again tbh

[AustinMan]

Where is the harm, if you just ignore it and put it out of your mind? Do you have that much self discipline?

[Asker]

im starting to think im demisexual and that i am extremely different from everyone else in this regard if i dont have sexual feelings for anyone but my boyfriend. its not self discipline for me, its just the simple fact i dont feel the urge to have sexual thoughts about other men besides my boyfriend.

[wolfunknown]

Not everyone is same.

[Dargil]

Not in any meaningful way. Maybe if I saw a stunning female somewhere, I might idly think "I wonder what she's like..." and then dismiss it.

[Iron_Man]

Not me

[Meatunnel69]

What do you mean by fantasizing thats a very broad verb

[Meatunnel69]

Everyone has their own red line you shouldn’t cross while in a monogamous relationship but unless you put blinders on his eyes he is going to take notice of other women and think about them sexually and the pleasures it would bring the only difference between a cheater and a non cheater is if he acts on the impulse

[Asker]

i mean thinking about having sex with her

[Asker]

i just dont see the point of being in a monogamous relationship if you're going to think about having sex with other women anyway

[Meatunnel69]

Yes im sure he does but are you the thought police?

[Meatunnel69]

I might also just be a passing thought not something he broods over, there certainly are men you see and think damn he fine if you deny you are sexually attracted to other people you are lying to yourself

[Asker]

also i understand men will notice attractive women and the same goes for women with attractive men. but i just dont see the point of thinking about those people sexually if you're truly happy with who you're with. it just doesn't seem right.

[Meatunnel69]

Its impossible to shut that part of your brain off that is what made you find love in the first place it only matters if the people break promises and cheat

[Asker]

for me that is not true. thinking someone is attractive and thinking about sex with them are two completely different things for me and im surprised that you're claiming its not this way for most or all men.

[Asker]

and of course im not the thought police but knowing my boyfriend has thoughts about other women makes me uncomfortable and gives me the right to make the decision of if i want to stay with him or not. i dont understand how men are not able to accept that a woman is attractive without imagining themselves having sex with her it just doesn't make sense to me

[Meatunnel69]

How do you know what your man is thinking anyway?

[Asker]

i came across a few articles randomly online that suggested all or most men had wandering eyes and thought about sex with other women so that is why i thought he may think like this

[Asker]

and if i were to know or find out he was thinking this then i would be inclined to leave

[In_Trance]

I suppose its possible

[Asker]

Just to clarify, do you suppose its possible they do think about other women or possible they don't?

[In_Trance]

Both of those are possible. To say all guys do or don't is absurd

[abc--123]

We sure do

[hknmhmn4]

I personally don’t

[CubaPirate]

Sure its quite normal it just a fantasy

[Asker]

if a man is happy with a woman and really likes her i dont understand why he would have to think about having sex with other women though. wouldn't he be satisfied with who he is with? i just dont understand why a guy can't be happy with just his girlfriend. personally i couldnt imagine being with anyone but my boyfriend and it hurts to think he doesn't think the same

[Anonymous]

Of course we do. It’s natural male biology.

Women are programmed to be monogamous we are not.

but women fantasize about it just as much as we do. The most common female fantasy is being force fucked by a stranger.