First relationship and the first time. I need some advise, cab you help me?

[Anonymous]

Hi
I am 19 years old and I am currently in my first relarionship.
It is kind of a long distance relationship. He lives two hours away.
Before the whole coronavirus started we saw each other almost every weekend.

I am still a virgin and I am not completely ready to have sex yet.
He knows this and understands it.

However I have been thinking about 'the first time' and to be honest I am terrified I'll either end up pregnant or get an STD. Obviously we will be using condoms, but I am still afraid.
I have decided that I want to have a copper IUD as birthcontrol, but I would also like to ask him to get an STD test done before we engage in oral sex.
But how do I approach this subject and ask him without him geting offended? This whole relationship thing is new to me and I don't know what to do.
Do you have some advise?

by the way, how often should you get an STD test?

[PrudentGuy]

"I want to have a copper IUD as birthcontrol"

This is good. IUDs is effective, at least to me. My SO inserted for years and we have sex bare, almost 99% of the times.

"get an STD test done"

Yes, ask. This is called "communication". Don't be afraid. Be brave. If he's offended, then he's immature about sex or sexuality talk, hence not ready to gave sex.

So just talk. Go to a nice place where you and him have privacy. Just tell him something like this in your own words, "I'll be inserting IUD for birth control. But I'm concern about STD. Would you mind go for a test?"

Then talk. Yes, not just a one word "ok", "yes", "no", but reply in sentences and expect him to reply likewise. This is for you to know him better and vice versa.

In the worst case scenario, a test should be done everytime you or him have sex with someone else.

Hence if you and him can commit and agree to be monogamous, then the test needs only done once.

IMPORTANT
Cheating is real. Personally, I suggest nip the possibility of cheating in the bud by agreeing to tell each other if either of you desire to have sex with another.

Yes, it sounds strange. But an "exit clause" well communicated will allow the one desiring to tell so as not to cheat.

A statement like "if one of us want to have sex with someone else, just hold a date like this one and tell. We then decide if after the sex, we will continue our relationship or not. Please don't cheat so that we won't get serious emotional hurts".

I know friends who even talk to their wives their fantasies to have sex with other women and she agrees, only if he tells her BEFORE he have sex elsewhere.

To conclude, it's up to you and him to discuss. Sex is an adult activity. Hence handle it like adults. Talk and more talks. Discuss right into the details. Then you'll minimize the possibilities of hurt and broken relationships.

[undefined-intentions]

Asking someone to get tested for STDs before they get a new sexual partner is not offensive. If you want to do it as politely as possible, I'd suggest asking him "Would you be comfortable with getting an STD test?". Practically that's the same as asking him to get one, because there's no real reason to say no, and if he DOES you can follow up with asking why. He may have a good response to that which I haven't thought of, but more likely he'll either reveal red flags or be easy to convince to change his mind. That's what I'd do, anyway.

[AustinMan]

You're absolutely right to want an STD test and him to want one from you. If you trust him to be exclusive, then that's it but with him so far away, I'd just be crystal clear with him that if he wants to have sex with someone else, he HAS to tell you before you have sex again.

[1CentWorth]

Wow. Still a virgin? Also scared... yeah, when I was younger, I stayed away from virgins. they always seem to think sex is special. then they have sex for the first time - now they're fucking the whole town for the next several years. LOL it will probably happen to you and your poor guy has no idea what's coming. the thing he waited for will go away as soon you realize other dicks can do the same thing as his. Sorry - this really the common thread.

[TadCurious]

Be positive about bringing up the testing thing. Frame it in terms of how much you're looking forward to having sex but that you want to be responsible. If he's mature he'll realize how smart you are. (Not that he already doesn't.)