How would you defend this girl who has this kind of a sexual past even though she is an amazing person?

[Coolflow9]

Give me you best defense for this girl if everything you knew about her from what I know is that she is kind hearted, wants commitment/marriage so badly and her best traits are being sweet and honesty.

She’s 24 and lost her virginity at 20/21 with one 9 month relationship before me (now 7 months). The previous 18 months before me she slept with 6 guys. 2 were one night stands where she invited the guys over to her apartment sight unseen from online dating. 1 she accepted friends with benefits from a guy for 2 weeks because she really liked him and was hopeful. The others she slept with within the first 2-4 dates. A couple of these guys were only a month apart.

What bothers me most about her sexual history are the following...

1. 2 one night stands, but most of all how they happened in which she invited complete online dating strangers to her apartment and had sex with them. I can understand meeting somewhere and really hitting it off with someone first and wind up back home after that.
2. Making the same mistakes over again and not learning from them. (Maybe sleeping with guys too quickly and not realizing that guys will take advantage of that)
3. Frequency of sex partners and the ability to move on quickly from one sexual partner to the next within a month or two. (Sex doesn’t affect her emotionally and doesn’t value sex as something only for special people)

These are my concerns, but help me out and tell me how you could defend this girl. I know it’s the PAST, but sometime someone’s past has an effect on how you respect them and It’s been hard for me lately.

[dawnm902]

Ok, here goes. You #2 comment bothers me. What mistakes was she making? Enjoying herself? If she wasn’t bothered by the situation then it’s all good.

#3. I am like her with that one. I love fully with my heart. Sex doesn’t enter into that. For me, I love sex. It doesn’t need to be tied up with relationship feelings. It can be for the pure high of it.

Women should be able to enjoy sex the way they want to without adding outdated ways of thinking that they can’t be like men with multiple partners. Just my opinion. ☺️

[Coolflow9]

I consider them mistakes because she is not proud of her past and admits it herself that they were mistakes and is not bothered by them. She said she felt sick to her stomach the morning after the second one night stand. I think statistics show that the vast majority of people cultivate deeper feelings for somebody after having sex, therefore they quickly realize that casual sex isn’t for them. However, I also believe that there are people that are different and can separate sex from their feelings entirely. She admits that she is not that kind of a person and that she made mistakes by getting sexually involved too quickly when dating and knows she got taken advantage of multiple times. If women want to enjoy casual sex then by all means go for it! It’s your life, but if you come across a guy you like who doesn’t value sex the same way (a social activity for enjoyment) you shouldn’t be shocked if he has a problem with it. Our opinions differ, but that’s my side of it. 😊

[Zarapeachy]

So I’m speaking on my experience. I’ve had meaningless sex with people. People I met on tinder who didn’t even know my real name or anything... met today had sex the next day and moved on the same day.
Your girl have a past. She have reasons for it. And she was single meaning you were not in her life back then. She’s a grown ass woman. Sex isn’t much. Yes it’s better when you love someone, but it’s not everything in a relationship. If you can’t handle her past, move on. But her past doesn’t define her...

[Drumlin2001]

Sounds a reasonable sex life of a twenty something who's dating.
She's been with you 7 months. Unless she's given you a particular reason not to trust her just enjoy what you have.
What's your backstory? I assume you werent a virgin when you met her. How would you feel if she judged you by your past?

[Coolflow9]

My backstory is that she is only the 5th girl I have slept with (granted I’m 30 with a past 3 year relationship). I’ve also had a one night stand, but realized immediately that I could not do that and never will again. When dating I usually wait 8-10 dates or 3-4 weeks before sleeping with someone to make sure we have at least some potential for the future. I’m not against sex before marriage because I believe that it has a huge emotional bonding affect on a relationship, but I also believe that sex should be reserved for special people that you could possibly have a future with. I just don’t see how people can get to know someone that well and sleep with them with if the first 2-4 dates like she did. I think she was easy to most guys and they took advantage of her because of that 😕

[Drumlin2001]

10 dates is a lot. I understand wanting something to be meaningful. But adults can choose just to enjoy sex. Even if they haven't figured out if something has any long term prospects. I really dont see her body count as that high. But you seem to have a real issue with it. How many questions have you asked in the subject? If you can't get over it your just wasting your time and her time.

[KingPapo]

No matter what, you're going to be bothered with her past... let her actions speak first, she could have possibly been in a bad place and acted out during that time... truthfully if you're not able to move on from her past then you need to break up with her no matter how strong your feelings are.

[ciitruskiwi]

If you can't handle her past then break up and move on.

[Cherokeehp]

Well for one why do you think that she was making the same mistake? It sounds like it wasn’t a mistake at all and she just wanted to have sex with those guys. Second, sex does not equal love. She was single and so she had the freedom to do whatever she wanted. She chose to sleep with those men but she was single, that doesn’t necessarily mean she isn’t capable of being a loyal partner. But ultimately if you can’t see past her sexual history then you shouldn’t date her.

[Coolflow9]

I understand that sex doesn’t make you fall in love, but it does have a emotional bonding effect, which is why most people prefer sex with an emotional attachment. She admits that she has never been in love before until now with me, and because of that she regrets those past choices. It’s not that I question her loyalty or commitment, but just seems like she should have found out what sex means to her in a relationship sooner. She said she liked all of the guys she slept with other than one of the one night stands and that the one she feels guilty about the most. She just didn’t learn quick enough that if a girl gives up sex too quickly then a lot of guys will string a girl along for the sex until they get tired of her.

[Cherokeehp]

I don’t really think it’s that serious or a big of a deal. She fucked some guys. Oh well.

[Coolflow9]

I guess I’m just different. Usually people only have sex with people that are very meaningful to them and they trust care about them. They place a high value on sex, so that when they do meet that special person they can proudly say “I haven’t thrown myself around the block.” Nobody wants to marry someone they can’t respect and it makes it hard to respect anybody (guy or girl) who willing had a slutty time in their life. Just ask any girl if they would want to be with a guy who has slept with a lot of girls. I bet the answer would be “no way.”

[OneofAkind100]

Don't defend nonsense, she enjoyed Fucking ao much,

[Anonymous]

You’ll be surprised most women probably had 70+ sex partners and tell you they’ve only slept with 2 men.

You would never know.

So what I’m saying is get the f*ck over it.

[Coolflow9]

70+? I highly doubt that is true.