Why do some people think that heterosexual men & women can be platonic friends in the vast majority of circumstances?

[Anonymous]

In the vast majority of circumstances, a seemingly platonic friendship between a heterosexual man and heterosexual woman is actually not platonic.

Men and women are meant to view each other as viable intimate mates NOT platonic friends.

If a man cannot get with the woman at the moment, he may pretend to be friends with her so that he can be close proximity to her if she needs to become intimate. The man puts himself in a good position to become an available mate to the woman when the woman is looking for such a mate for whatever reason.

In RARE circumstances, I can see platonic friendships between heterosexual men & women occurring.

Most are not platonic, if both the men and women are 100% honest when it comes to the below questions.

If you answered “yes” to any of the below, as a heterosexual man or woman, then you’re not in a platonic friendship, it’s something else.

•Have you ever had intimate thoughts about this person?
•Would you have sex with this person if offered?
•Would you want to get into a relationship with this person?

Women might be more able to become platonic friends to men, but men are primarily NOT wanting to be strictly platonic friends with women.

Most men who say they’re in strictly platonic friendships with women would probably answer “yes” to one, some, or all of the above questions, which makes what they’re in NOT a platonic friendship.

[MissKittyz]

I have experience with that stuff and honestly, I don't think I will ever believe you can have a platonic friendship with a guy. I've tried to be friends with many guys in the past since I was always into sports and video games and it never worked out. They either tried to hookup with me, flirted with me, or just treated me differently because I was a woman. I've even had to tell one of my closest guy friend to pretend I'm one of his guy friend while we played video games. He agreed but still ended up saying things like "wow that made me hard" if I made a good play.

I don't know.. I just don't think it is possible or maybe I've just never had that experience. Guys will always want us one way or the other just cause we have boobs and they don't.

I've also had guy friends who were friends with me while I was single but then when I had a relationship, they just left lol which means they had other intentions than just wanting to be my friend.

I really wish I could have a platonic friendship with a guy but that will probably only happen with a gay guy, and not a straight one.

[PeterAyre]

@MissKittyz I have had the same problem with women. I used to try and be friends, but girls got the wrong idea when I tried to be a gentleman. I then tried treating women like men, but I get confused because I buy my friends drinks, we share food hug, talk about emotions, relationships all sorts. How would you like to be treated out of pure interest?

[MissKittyz]

@PeterAyre ya, I guess that shows that it is extremely hard to make that type of relationship work. And honestly, it is hard to explain how I want to be treated. I guess I just want to be treated like an actual friend and not some girl a guy is trying to hookup with, you know. Like without any flirting or making sexual jokes about me. But I understand that it isn't easy because I'm NOT a guy. I have very long hair, feminine voice and face and have boobs lol My fiancé has a friend though who's a girl and she isn't attracted to him at all. But, that's because she's a lesbian lol but if she wasn't, then I would have a bad feeling about their friendship.

[archiz]

one should assume then that you find most people attractive.
People can be friends without being attracted to each other.
Depends how they became friends, from school, uni a certain activity.
I mean, I am sure you don't find ALL of your female friends attractive and I am sure not ALL of them want to sleep with you.
Second if a guy does indeed find your girlfriend attractive, you think he is an animal with no control over his dick? or no self respect?
If there is an attractive colleague at work and you know she is married and you are having lunch together, I doubt you will try to make a move on her when she doesn't show you any hint of interest. Also knowing that you are a decent guy, you can respect other people's boundaries or can you not do that personally?
I can evaluate that someone is attractive and stop there and move on with my life.
Most people respect other people's status and if not you should trust your girlfriend to cut off her ties with him if ever he crosses the line.

[Asker]

If any of you answered “yes” to the above questions then it’s not platonic.

[archiz]

hmm? I asked you a question XD And I can answer no to all of them

[Asker]

YOU can, but every single guy “friend” of yours? Read what @MrOracle wrote

[archiz]

but I asked you if you would make a move on a married woman who didn't show you any sign of interest (For instance your colleague at work).

[Asker]

It doesn’t matter so much about the actions. If I find her attractive, think about being intimate with her, etc. It’s not platonic. I could never approach a woman and never ask her out and it still wouldn’t be platonic if the above questions are a “yes.”

[archiz]

And I read what he said. I have a different stance that I explained in my post. Anw I almost never agree with what he says. I think very differently than him.

[Asker]

I can never understand how someone can think differently from biology. I have a hard time understanding how people cannot understand basic points lol... It’s like, it’s okay for men and women to not be platonic friends... It’s just nature, there’s nothing wrong with that. I feel like people feel it’s wrong that men and women can’t just be friends.

[archiz]

you never formed a meaningful friendship with someone you find good looking too? Damn okay. I always valued friendship much more than a romantic relationship. And my current girlfriend if my best friend before being my lover if that makes sense.

[Asker]

No, if I found her good looking, why the hell would I just want to be friends? Literally NO MAN thinks this way, only women seem to for some reason...

[archiz]

If you are not getting my point, I don't see the reason to continue this debate to be fair. I am not going against biology, I just think humans evolved from their primal stage and have will power to behave. and not jump on any female individual they find remotely attractive.

[Asker]

I don’t jump on every woman I find attractive that’s not the point. You definitely do not get what I’m saying.

[archiz]

I definitely am. So, if there is a girl who is taken and that works with you or is with you in whatever activity, you can't befriend her because all you will think about is sleep with her. Or you can actually enjoy yourself on a casual friendship level because you know how to separate both.

[Asker]

I can form a working relationship with her and act like platonic friends. The thing is, depending on what I feel in my MIND, it’s not going to be platonic from my end, even though I know for a fact I cannot ever be with her and that I will never ask her out. Platonic is all about what is in a person’s mind. What they feel. What they think about in their heads.

[archiz]

you are saying that guys only think with their dicks and the only interest they can have with a human girl is to sleep with her. Which is absolutely wrong. Even if you find someone attractive, I am sure you put it aside and focus on smthng else.

[Asker]

Yes I can, that’s called a RELATIONSHIP. Not friendship strictly speaking.

[archiz]

lol so we can have a relationship but friendships don't exist. eghh okay. First off, I mentioned smthng you ignored. You don't necessarily find all of your friends attractive. Hence you can be friends with someone you don't find attractive. 2nd, attraction isn't always physical for everyone, even guys. You can think she is physically attractive but she is not a person I can have a life with because we don't share the same values. Then she is just a friend. 3rd even if you find someone attractive but she is taken, there are 2 options. Or you stick along with her in the hopes she will look your way (which is dumb and that is the example you are specifically stating). Or you actually move on with your life and loose interest of it.

[archiz]

I am someone who is very active and social. I was on the swimming team, running team for the marathon. I partake in clubs travel and so on. So I meet a lot of people where our common interest brought us together. There is no need to always have a malicious intend behind of it. Sex isn't always the drive to approach people, even for males.

[blutwolfe]

well its pretty easy if I don't find them attractive, or something turns me off. Like I'm friends with a girl who sleeps with a different guy every day but no way in hell I would even think about her like that, like to me, that's just my friend being a hoe. She respects I'm different morals so it's mutual.

[Asker]

So, you’d answer “no” to the above questions then?

[blutwolfe]

ya, plenty of women I wouldn't have sex with or get into relationships with

[Asker]

How about if they offered you a blowjob, handjob, or sex?

[Asker]

Oh nvm lmao

[LogicBomber]

Basically simps want women to believe they can be "just friends" and women can't think like men and believe we can see them the same way they see us.

It's a delusion which will never change because simps lie to convince females they are "not like other guys"

[Asker]

Yes.

[Ellie-V]

I mean... most people aren’t butt ass ugly so being attracted to someone doesn’t really mean anything. It’s how you engage them and how you choose to include them in your life. Entertaining thoughts of sexual activity is normal in almost everyone, I don’t understand why that should eradicate the validity of a platonic relationship. As a bisexual woman, I can very well acknowledge that ALL of my friends are very attractive in some ways... that doesn’t mean I’m dying to jump their bones.
I don’t know, I just feel like the nature of a relationship is all about the consistency of mentality and actions together. There are such things as boundaries and many people have their own in place to define their personal relationships.

[MrOracle]

"As a bisexual woman, I can very well acknowledge that ALL of my friends are very attractive in some ways... that doesn’t mean I’m dying to jump their bones." Understand and agree - but you're not a man. Men have a drive to have sex regardless of whether or not they're in a relationship, which women generally don't have. Women generally CAN be platonic - men generally cannot. We can pretend we are, but few of us REALLY are - far fewer than most women realize.

[Ellie-V]

@MrOracle I am not a man, and I’m not gonna pretend like I know everything about y’all and how you guys feel. But that’s where the last bit of my commentary comes in. Mentality and actions and boundaries are what defines personal relationships. We all have primal instincts, but it’s the choice to behave differently that makes us who we are as individuals.

[Asker]

@MrOracle 100% correct

[MrOracle]

Understand that most men have a pretty good idea that their female friend isn't going to sleep with him, and so they do their best not to make their desires obvious, but the desire is still there nevertheless, and it will inevitably affect the relationship. Often, that will present itself by him being really nice to her, doing favors for her, etc. far beyond what he'd likely do for most other people. But it also means that he's going to look at her in sexual ways when he can get away with it. He may not DO anything or SAY anything, but in his brain, he wants to. And that means he's not really "just a friend" in the same way that she is legitimately "just a friend."

I'm saying this because women need to understand that this is really what's going on. It's not the worst thing ever, and guys really can't help that their brains work this way, but women need to realize that, yes, they DO in fact work that way.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_P2CPASeCc

Note that this doesn't really apply to guys who are already in a happy, healthy relationship, or if he legitimately isn't attracted to her - but guys usually don't choose friends they aren't attracted to.

[Ellie-V]

@MrOracle I completely understand what you’re saying. I just don’t personally feel like it invalidates a friendship. For me, all that matters is that they aren’t doing anything and boundaries are obvious and present. I could give a rats ass about some dude wanting to fuck me. I wanna fuck me too 😂 shit, I’m cute.

[CarpetDenim]

Yeah, personally every close guy friend I’ve ever had I’ve had a crush on at one point or another, and both of the guys I’ve dated started off as good friends of mine.

[Asker]

And I’m almost positive they had some affection towards you as well.

[Aislin9]

It is possible, just not probable.

[Asker]

I can agree with that.

[PeterAyre]

No idea, haven't cracked that one yet. I hope it's possible. I would like a female friend apart from my fiancé.

[Agape93]

Because you can if you have the will.

[Asker]

I don’t think “will” plays a part here. I don’t think people can will themselves to not feel attracted to someone if they in fact do feel attracted to them.

[Agape93]

Will plays a role. It’s a conscious choice to override biological tendencies.

[Asker]

Again, you can’t will yourself from not finding someone good-looking if you in fact find them good-looking.

[Agape93]

I do it. So, how can one not choose to ignore someone’s attractiveness?

[Asker]

Just because you say “I do it” doesn’t mean it’s true haha. Finding someone attractive is autonomic, not subject to one’s choices. Now, you can choose to approach or not approach the person, THAT is the matter of will

[Agape93]

1. You can’t say that it can’t be done when it’s been done. 2. I don’t appreciate being called a liar. That’s the extent of one’s basic will. If you have the will, you can control your reactions and how you perceive someone.

[Asker]

I never said it can’t be done. Go read above where I said that it can occur, although I also mention it’s not the rule. No matter how the general rule is, you’ll always find exceptions.

[Agape93]

“Again, you can’t will yourself from not finding someone good-looking if you in fact find them good-looking.” That’s you saying it can’t be done.

[Asker]

Oh, I was referring to men and women being in platonic relationships. Yeah, you cannot will yourself from finding someone attractive if you in fact find them attractive. I don’t know any human being that can do this. You see someone, you automatically think of them as either unattractive, average, or attractive.

[Agape93]

I just told you I do. So yes you do know at least one.

[Asker]

I don’t think you understand what I’m saying lol.

[Agape93]

I understand exactly what you’re saying, and I’m saying you’re incorrect

[Asker]

Well, we find ourselves at a disagreement, standstill.

[winterfox10]

I always got the vibe that it was more of a hope than anything else. A lot of the people I know who think that are either pretty inexperienced or there is a history of the person having some boundary issues. Men and women have way too much experience with treating each other like shit for me to believe that anyone honestly thinks men and women can be "just friends."

[SamtheDnDgirl]

Because they can and I know this to be true.

[douride2]

I am glad you didn't say all. I have been friends with a guy since back in grade school. I have no interest in him in any type of a sexual way. If he has those thoughts he has kept them to himself.

[Avenoma]

I can't be platonic friends with a woman until I have a good relationship already.

[WowwGirl]

They can't it's just right place right time everyone makes mistakes

[Thisperson98]

I personally couldn't be just friends with a girl, I always develop feelings at some point.

[AdamGibson]

No that's pathetic

[Asker]

What?

[TienShenhan]

The females I am friends with could all get the D under the right circumstances. When I'm in a legit relationship, I dont hang out with other girls or text them or anything, but thats disrespectful. Right now I find myself in a LDR and have permission to have female friends, as long as I dont give her details. I agree that hetero friendships of the opposite sex are always at least somewhat sexually charged

[BronzedAdonis]

Cuz women are whores

[CarpetDenim]

It’s actually cuz men can’t possibly think about any woman in a nonsexual manner 🤡

[BronzedAdonis]

As a gay man, that statement doesn’t apply to me

[CarpetDenim]

Yes, of course, I was not referring to you, my good sir.

[BronzedAdonis]

That’s ok sweetie.