Please help, my boyfriend watches an hour’s worth of porn every day (says he doesn’t jerk off) but is almost completely uninterested in sex with me?

[addison767]

I am seriously desperate for some insight from others. I’ll start by saying that I love me boyfriend very much and almost every other aspect of our relationship is perfect, but I recently heard him watching porn in the bathroom while he thought I was sleeping. I confronted him and he lied about it, so I asked him to prove it. He showed me the history and no surprise, he’d watched porn for over and hour that morning. We had a long, emotional discussion about it in which he told me that he only watches it when he’s bored and he doesn’t even masturbate, yet his phone history revealed 1+ hours of porn every single day (even while he’s at work!) I have never had an issue with my partner viewing porn before, I watch it myself but in every other relationship our sex and intimacy was not lacking. My boyfriend is very vocal about how much he loves me, he tells me I’m beautiful, etc. yet he is utterly uninterested in sex with me. I let him know that I want him, I compliment him, send him nudes while he’s at work, I’ve asked if he had fantasies, every single thing I can think of to get him interested in sex with me. If we had a healthy sex life, this wouldn’t bother me. It feels like he would rather fantasize about/watch other women and I honestly don’t believe when he says he only watches because he’s bored and that he doesn’t masturbate. He also says he doesn’t even listen to the audio in the porn. It just seems very far-fetched to me. Anyways, 2 weeks ago he said he’d stop watching it since it was clearly hurting me and he said it wasn’t important to him. After thinking, I told him that it felt too controlling for me to ask him not to watch porn at all, I just asked he doesn’t do it when I’m right in the other room. He insisted that he hated hurting me and he did not want to watch any more. Last night, SURPRISE!! I found out that he’s not only watching it every day while I’m in the next room, he’s actively deleting his history/lying about it. What do you guys think?

[SueShe]

It is always a delicate issue when a partner that is in a relation chooses pornography over the relation.

That is equivalent to emotional cheating, something that is just as bad as physical cheating because the partner is left out of the action.

One does not watch porn and think of the girlfriend (or boyfriend) when looking at the visuals but one is fantasizing about someone else, hence the emotional cheating. Not only is watching porn while in a relation a total red flag but it is above all demeaning and humiliating for the partner.

There is only one thing that you can really do and that is to sever this toxic relation because you will always be second to his addiction. You can talk with him and it may change something on a short notice but the addiction will return as soon as enough time has passed by.

A couple therapy is useless since you are not married and he will certainly not see his addiction as such but rather as a means to escape a number of psychological problems.

[Avicenna]

Sounds like it's a distraction and he may be too focused on porn. He's probably wanking off to it.

I'd suggest coming on to him really hard while taking dirty. Straddle him, grab his dick, etc.

[justsimpleguy]

Have a look at this article?

https://www.guystuffcounseling.com/counseling-men-blog/bid/24369/why-men-watch-porn-8-things-women-need-to-know-about-internet-porn

[AdamGibson]

Leave him

[Dontpanic122345]

You can't change a porn addicts mind hardly ever unless your willing to do the things that he watches

[D-trix_dk]

You can do better leave him with his addiction. Maybe he's gay.

[Anonymous]

TL, DR

His porn watching and your sex life have nothing to do with one another.
Just like your fantasies have nothing to do with him.
You can read smut, watch chick flicks, and even rub one out to the common female mental fantasies... they don’t change your interest in sex with him.

Your sex issues are related to something else... likely an overbearing, controlling, or nagging partner maybe?

[addison767]

You’re accusing me of being an overbearing, controlling, nagging partner because I don’t want my boyfriend watching porn in the next room while I’m laying in the next room willing and ready? Willing to live up to his fantasies and please him? Okay, if that’s how logic works in your mind. If you had any actual knowledge on the subject you’d know the effect that prolonged, daily porn use has on a man’s sex drive. As I already said in my post, I have no problem with porn. I occasionally watch it myself and have even asked him if he wanted to try watching it together. I’ve even told him I don’t care if he watches it at work, when I’m at work, etc. Our sex life was phenomenal until daily prolonged porn use began and even since it has declined incredibly. I’m not going to be made to feel like a bad partner for being upset and feeling undesired by my boyfriend when our sec life has gone from 100 to 0 and he’s continuously lied to me about watching it while I’m in the next room. Obviously I care enough about him and our relationship to be here asking questions and trying to save it. So thanks for your snarky, shitty opinion but you’re not being helpful. You’re just being a dick.

[Opinion Owner]

His fantasy has nothing to do with you or your willingness or ability to have sex. It's simply entertainment. It is logical when you understand how it isn't about you. But as a female you insist it's about you and how much YOU have to offer. It is ENTERTAINMENT... just like women have rape fantasies but don't actually want to be raped. It's a fantasy, it has nothing to do with what they really want.