How do I learn to forgive husband and feel good about myself again?

[Anonymous]

7 months ago i found out my husband for most our 11 year relationship had been sexting on sites like kik and posting stuff on reddit every so often.
He did all this while out and taken coke etc (i had no idea) never when sober which when he let me go through his phone i couldnt see anything that shows he ever did it when sober ( i know thats not the point)
We always had a great relationship, i felt very close to him and he's a great dad etc and we always had sex etc. so when i found this out i was clearly shocked, he is truly sorry i can tell, not had any coke as clearly its linked and has been constantly trying since all this and will do anything to fix this as he hates he's hurt me.
But i feel awful still, i love him and want it all to go back to normal but its not the same. the worst part is and what i think has messed me up the most is he uploaded pics of me on reddit asking guys to rate, degrade and point out unattractive things about me which is sick and i dont get as he always told me how nice i am. its like 2 different people. so i still feel gross, I've lost my sex drive and feel pretty crap in general but as i said i want to move forward.
So if anyone has been through similar or been cheated on and eventually forgave partner and learnt to feel better about themselves again, be nice to know how and what you did etc. please no nasty comments, i have no one to talk too which makes this hard as i haven't told anyone i know about this. Thankyou

[Wonderer89]

It’s hard... my husband has fucked up a lot over the last year and instead of changing his behaviour he kept hiding it. Nothing quite as extreme as yours, but very similar lines (not the reddit part, which I’d be devastated about). We separated in early March, he’s been seeing a psychologist weekly and we see someone together though not as much now.
Personally he had to show he was willing to stop the behaviour - cold turkey there are no more chances here. His choices have been his and whether or not the marriage has been as good as it can be those were never choices that would have made it better. So my husband had the choice to recommit or we begin the process for a divorce. I refused to live under the same roof so he either needed to leave or I would pack up myself, our child and dogs and I’d find somewhere. He has wonderful parents that I hoped he would confide in about the issues to get some outside perspective and things are getting there.

It’s hard to forgive, and I know everyone who isn’t in these situations just jumps to ending it. But there are more complexities at play especially, especially when they’re an amazing husband and father except for these shitty moments. It’s hard to disassociate these behaviours with the person they keep showing you they can be, and that they show everyone else. Then add to that kids, money, your home. It’s a lot.
The best thing I did was set my terms and stand to them. I’d warned him two weeks before that if he repeated any of it he was out (or I was) and I stuck to that... and it shocked him. I told my closest friend and my mum so they could support me, I spoke to a child psych on how to support my kid and work out the best arrangement for him while we sorted ourselves out. But truly if you BOTH want to work this out you need to choose your boundaries for acceptable behaviour and he needs to understand and accept them. If he has any grievances from your marriage that he hasn’t been happy with now is the time to bring them up so you both have things to work towards. We’re using the gottman trust and betrayal exercises if you wanted to look any up.

Good luck! I hope you find some happiness xo

[Secret6620]

I'm sorry this happened... It will most likely take time and maybe some outside therapy and counseling... Sometimes the relationship is simply not salvageable... So just be mindful of that

[Secret6620]

YAY 🙋 Thanks for most helpful girl 🎀

[MbSaAl]

First, take a real deep breath. then you should sit with your husband and talk to him about what he did just like you told us on this post and explain why you are angry with him so he could know that and never dare to do it again...
He knows his fault and that's all it matters and you are lucky because he doesn't want to cheat on you he is just messing around and he is sorry...
The only way to improve the marriage is by solving and going through problems... You should tell him that what he did was wrong and he should tell you why he did it... Maybe your sex life is boring and you need to talk about it...
In the end, he should give you anything you want so you can accept his apology. My fiancee made me accept something I didn't want to accept because I did something stupid (not like your husband and not related to sex but still something bad) and I accepted it because I wanted to show how sencer I am and she even loved me more...

[Lynx122]

It seems like he has insecurity? Like why would he want other people to put you down? Because he probably feels like you're too good for him. I don't know about your relationship so I can't really give you advice but I'd at least seriously consider leaving.

[On_cloud_wine]

Do only way I forgive some people is to cut them out of my very short life here on this great massive planet we call Earth.

[reptocarl2]

You’ll never be able to trust him again so it’s over

[Iron_Man]

You divorce

[AmeerX]

Don't give him a chance

[In_Trance]

Chances are you'll need some professional help

[Potatocream]

divorce id never be able to trust someone who hides so much from me

[aroundhere]

how can a husband share his wife pics? isn't he jealous..
damn, im so jealous
whats mine only mine,

[GregR89]

A lot of men have this same problem without drug use. I used to get on cam or send inappropriate pics and have been caught multiple times. I've gotten away from it, but it's not easy. I would talk it out with him more and see if he's able to change. My wife is awesome and we have been married 3 years together for 10. Maybe if you're comfortable you can try it with him?

[Anonymous]

He is only sorry he got caught a guy who truly loves you would never ever hurt you he cheated on you the very moment he starting sexting And he betrayed your trust the moment he uploaded your pictures asking people to rate you using coke to do these things is not an excuse it was his choice to do these unforgivable things
you deserve better the best thing for you is to divorce him

[Anonymous]

You have nobody to talk to and I think that's part of the problem. I also think there's other issues in the marriage for him to do this to begin with, so I suggest maybe couple's counselling? If he won't go, them maybe just some for yourself to start. If he changed this and it never happened again, maybe you just need time, but your trust has been broken, so that will take time to rebuild (if it can be for you), it's not going to be a quick fix.