Mom called me a slut?

[Anonymous]

Has anyone else’s mom call them a slut even though they aren’t? I think that’s why I’m waiting until marriage and why I don’t want to have sex until I’m married

[Anonymous]

My mom called me a "little whore" once when I was a kid. She had a rough period in her marriage and she took her anger out on me in those years sometimes. She regrets a lot of those things now, but I don't think she remembers calling me a whore. Psychologically, sometimes we forget or block out things that are painful. She wants to believe she never said it, but when I confront her on things like this, she will usually come around crying regretfully. Life is hard. Our mothers were raised with the same sexist bullshit and have internalized that way of policing women's bodies, shaming women, inflicting verbal abuse and trauma, etc. "Hurt people hurt people," as they say. It's true.

Respect yourself as a human with sexual needs. If you want to wait for marriage, don't do it because you view women who are sexual as sluts or you are internalizing your mother's voice as a judgement/control over your life. Think about what you value, what you think truly makes you a good person. Focus on that. Sex does not define you. Her insults reflect who she is, what pain she is dealing with or has never resolved. Even her fears. It has nothing to do with you.

If my mother called me a slut, I would tell her we have to have a conversation. I'd explain why it's hurtful, what kind of soul searching I'm doing, and ask her if she can understand why I was hurt by it. If she can't apologize or agree on not using this abusive language again, then I start cutting down on our communication. If it happens again, I start cutting down on our communication. I won't tolerate that kind of abusive language. I'm not 12 anymore and I barely tolerated it then.

I would recommend making a plan to move out, if you can and haven't already. If you have a home environment where abusive comments and excessive judgement affect your peace and happiness, it's probably better to live away from parents so you can live as a functioning adult who crafts her own life.

[Asker]

She’s called me it 2 times I belive and she apologized way agar I thought I was ok though I can’t forgive her, so I got abused by two guys and I told her one wanted to groap me bc I wasn’t wearing a bra I was in my pjs, and she immediately thinks I was topless and I thought I was over it all but I’m not

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she’s projecting her own behaviors on you.