My boyfriend doesn't want to have sex, what do I do?

We were talking about sex and since he's a virgin I told him some reccomendations and told him about an incident I had with my ex.
Now he either got scared or unnerved, because he turned down my proposal of sex and doesn't seem very enthusiasistic about cuddling too.
What do I do? I know he's got fear of intimacy and I can see how what I told him might unnerve him, but it's ridiculous that something I told him to help him out back fired that way.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • once you told him details about how you and your ex did things together. you more or less ruined his confidence. sure he might have known you had an ex and that you even had sex together. but once he had details about how it all went. he know most likely feels like he won't be able to live up to those same standards.

    so he is insecure about himself mentally. which can affect him physically. to where it could be difficult to become aroused now. in other words you mind fucked him in a bad way.

    • I think he got scared because I told him how he got seriously hurt doing some positions

    • when you two finally start having sex together. maybe start with the more basic stuff. and work your way into the more exotic ones then.

  • You need to make him feel that if he doesn't perform well the first time it's not a big deal, you need to lower the fear to not meet your expectations. Offer to guide him the best you can and be understanding if he blows his load way to early. Basically you have to teach him the ropes and allow failures on the way.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Why would you even bring up your ex especially to tell him that your ex got hurt because you engaged in a weird position people don’t want to hear what you done with your ex

  • He has confidence problem. You can heal him by slowly discussing pleasure and necessity to have sex.

    • Thanks for MHG.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • That are experiences you know for yourself. It's not bad to tell him that to build up the trust. The next step I think is you need Infos from him. Maybe he has a weird fetish or thinks his penis is too small. Maybe he's afraid of his endurance.
    Try to find out more about him rather then telling him stories.
    But go slowly, if he doesn't even want to cuddle I think you got some way to go.
    Since I'm easily seduced this is how far I can help you. Good luck.

  • I'm sure he is intimidated. Is he a virgin? Maybe tell him that you are fond of him and that you like the physical intimacy part of a relationship and would like to slowly take it to the next level. Have you fooled around with him at all?

  • You find a new boyfriend who can give you what you want from a relationship? It's also possible he's just not into women. Does he masturbate?

    • He told me he almost never masturbates

  • This will seem shallow.
    Tell him you are very fond of him and want to do something for him and to please trust you. Then introduce a careful, patient, nurturing blowjob. No drama, just therapy.

  • I’m a virgin too I would be too nervous unless I used an escort

  • Find someone else to have sex with

  • Just tell him to be a man

  • Start with cuddling, have some romantic dates where you both lay together on the couch with chocolate covered strawberries and smooth music. Just start slow with something simple and not overwhelming

  • Have sex with someone else, or get a new boyfriend.

  • He's definitely insecure and somewhat intimidated. My suggestion is to not push him too much but take smaller steps toward intimacy, such as handholding or longer, deeper hugs and work toward cuddling. This guy is going to take a lot of time, it sounds like

  • Look porn movies with him

  • Jeeez poor guy what did you tell him that has him so shaken lol

    • That my ex got hurt because we engaged in a weird position

    • So how would that affect him (the Virgin guy)?

    • I think he's afraid to get hurt

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