Boyfriend got a ruined penis, how can I support him?

First off, I knew he has been a victim of sexual abuse, so I have been patient about the sex part.
Lately we have started to get more intimate and fooling around, but he still would not let me touch or see his penis.
Yesterday night I finally managed to get him take off his underwear, and oh my God. That thing is not a penis, it's a mangled and scarred lump of meat.
I felt like throwing up and then a stinging pain and rage, what the hell did they do to him? He just started to cry.
I love him, I can't leave him for this. But I don't know how to feel or what to do.
He offered to satisfy me in other ways, but I want for him to enjoy it too.
What can I do?
Updates:
+1 y
Good news, Saturday we got intimate and even managed to do penetration with some precautions. We both enjoyed it and he's been very happy as of late :) I'm so happy as well, thank you all for your answers :)
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Dam that's so sad, fuck the pace of shit that did that to him. I feel so bad for your boyfriend but at the very least its awesome he's with someone like you that's there for him! Seriously it takes a special kind of person to do that.

    All that said, i consider myself someone who understands men. Straight up, your boyfriend very like has masculinity issues because he thinks to himself "how can i be a man if i don't have a dick / can't have sex with women" and i'd say you really need to boost his manhood up whenever you have the chance to. Like if you boyfriend does a manly thing for you like lifts a couch, kills a spider or even if he gets mad say something like "wow, its so good to have a man around" or however you'd personally say it. I don't know if you'd even know this but does he even get pleasure from his dick? Can it still function? If he can, you're going to have do woman through it and pleasure your man, take shot or put on some music, do what you gotta do to pleasure him. Men need sex to relax, maintain their mental fitness and increase their confidence. If he's insecure suggest giving him a shot to ease him up maybe?

    If you guys haven't had sex or discussed the situation do so asap. The conversation is going to hurt him by bringing his problems full on out there but its ripping a band-aid, you need to know exactly whats going on down there, what he wants sexually, what hurts him, what should you avoid, etc. Don't forget to re-insure him and you're 100% ok with it and try to make it out to not be a major deal for you, smiling couldn't hurt, being a little flirty might help, and also bringing up surgery at this point would be preferred since it might offend him or might be something he's working toward. Either way, get all the questions you have about his area out as soon as possible so he can start the healing since if you got a question about his situation and you ask later on it could come off as a lingering problem from him.

    One more thing, iv read that he suggested you being with other men from a comment. Just going to throw it out there and say men with problems like your boyfriend sometimes actually want their girlfriends to sleep with other guys and legitimately get turned on by it since they want to imagine you getting umm... "fucked"... in a way he realistically can't. This has risk although, it could reinforce the idea in his head that he isn't a man or he could get jealous. It also depends if he actually wants you to sleep with other guys or thinks you want to. Now i'm not telling you to do anything or implying this is the case, but i'm just point this out so if he's asking you if you want to sleep with other guys 2 years from now it could he saying he want you to sleep with other men, but no matter what don't even entertain that thought until you're sure he's fully accepting of himself and has no hangups about it.

    Last suggestion, call him sexy every once in awhile. Don't over do it of course, but every once in awhile just stare at him and wait until he notices you and remind him how hot he is. Also learn how to dirty talk with him and stare into his eyes whenever you can so that way he's more focused on how much he loves you rather then then his own insecurities. But this is more general advice.

    Overall, time will help you both. It sucks now but eventually you guys will just get used to the situation.

    • Thank you for your answer, you make all excellent suggestion and I'll follow them to help him out. Now I feel a little better and know what to do. The only thing is that I really don't want to sleep with other men, never. I was already thinking that I could suggest him to fuck me with a toy or strap-on. But maybe that may make him feel bad or think he's not man enough, I don't know what to say. What I want to do now is to reassure him and maybe see if we can start being sexual in some way. His penis is still functional on some measure, but he has a lot of fear and issues in using it. I don't know if he can feel any pleasure or just pain.

  • has he been to the doctor maybe there might be an option for him to have surgery

    I just wanted to say thank you for being the kind of person you are you have a good kind heart your boyfriend is very lucky to have such an amazing supportive person in his life

    • Thank you but I'm not that good, I thought I knew what I was getting into but I didn't expect. But I feel he's amazing and I know he's the guy for me, no matter what he has between his legs. I'll tell him to try consulting a doctor or surgeon, thank you!

    • You are a good person the fact that you can look past it and still want to be with him and the fact that you are being supportive and you want to help him you really are a good person with a good heart

Most Helpful Guys

  • depending on how what it looks. could have had surgery to fix it. unless that is after the surgery.

    however he might not have wanted to do so. so long as he can still use the bathroom.

    sadly guys do get abused and raped as well. it is just not talked about in main stream media as much. because most guys who go though something like that. feel ashamed or insecure about being a victim and what happened. also most often the guy gets made fun of in many ways by many people.

    • Sadly I know. I know I had a bad reaction to it, I simply didn't expect for it to be that bad. He explained to me it's still functional on some measure, but naturally he got a lot of fear and issues in using it. I think that now him and I need to talk about the next course of action.

  • Does any part of it get aroused or have nerve endings that can be stimulated? Has he ever thought about cosmetic surgery now that he is older? I have a big dick and usually have to finish girls off with my fingers or mouth so I know he can make you happy if you both give it a chance.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • That sounds awful, he should definitely visit a doctor and see what they think if he hasn't already. I assume he never received any medical aid for this when it occurred :/

    Also you can try and together figure out if he has ways of feeling pleasure and maybe work something out together. I don't know the severity but maybe if it's somewhat functional that you can overcome how it looks.

    I feel for you both as it's not only difficult for him but also you.

  • And doctor can't help too or? He should look for surgery , there is solution 100%

  • Wtf. That is absolutely horrible


    I'm sorry

    • Thank you

    • I pray you two figure out a way to live a great life ❤ He is lucky to have a woman like you. He's definitely still a strong man for how he's still fighting. 👍🏻

    • Thank you. I admit I'm taken aback and not sure about what to do to help him, but I love him the same if not more.

    • Show All
  • Be supportive and loving, help him get the professional mental and medical advice he needs as soon as possible.

  • All the best!

  • give him blowjobs

    • That's not a solution, it will hurt him.

    • Then you must give him mentally support him

  • That's terrible. What did they do to him? How'd that happen?

    • He's a victim of sexual abuse. He was one of those two kids that got abused and tortured by a bunch of people some years ago. The case made headlines in our region.

    • There's not much you can do besides bring him to the doctor and tell him that you love him.

  • Maybe he can have corrective surgery done, can he still get hard? That’s pretty dramatic to go through

  • We really don’t know enough to be specific. But definitely he should talk to surgeons about options.

    He might be best talking to surgeon with experience doing sexual reassignment surgery as they may actually be best positioned to think creatively about what’s possible to get him to a place where he is more able to enjoy his penis as a sexual tool.

  • If I was at your boyfriend's place I would have allowed you to do with other guy.

    • He suggested that and I told him hell no.

    • But still I would convince you more to do it. Because it's totally fine. The sexual urge needs to be satisfied and if I can't do that other must do it.

    • Nope. Go away if that's everything you have to say.

    • Show All