Would You Forgive A Cheater Under These Circumstances?

[Anonymous]

I'm Bisexual. Have been curious for a really long time. And I've never had the courage to act on it until recently. Up until last week I had only ever been with a woman and I'm now approaching my late 20s. I did the unthinkable and decided to fulfill that curiosity and I downloaded Grindr. Found a guy (rather quickly I might add) and I went back to his place and gave him Oral sex. Then I left. The whole thing from walking in the door to walking out the door took less than 15 minutes. There was no emotion or connection. I literally don't even know his name. (It was honestly like I was just giving a blowjob to nobody, as if it was just a dick with no one attached to it) or at least that's how I tried justifying it to myself. I felt Horrible for it and still do. And always will. I know I shouldn't have done it. And I know my words mean nothing considering I broke our trust. But it was something I needed to figure out for myself. So I felt comfortable with my sexuality and could move on from the experience and leave it in the past, having that closure and could remove it from my mind as to not bother me, I didn't wanna wake up in 30 years having never done it, and be unsatisfied with myself as a person, and be too old to realistically get that experience. I know a lot of people may think I'm a total scumbag, but I do love my girlfriend. We had talked about potentially having a 3some but every conversation about the topic she was extremely apprehensive and uncomfortable. So I assumed I would never get that experience with her. That's the only reason I did what I did.

Fast forward a few days. She was obviously extremely hurt. I will never forget the cry she let out when I told her. She was furious and told me to leave. But as I approached the door she asked me to stop. Asked me if I'd talk to her, tell her why, what, when, how etc.

I told her what I wrote above and she calmed down. She is still apprehensive and uncomfortable with it. But we're still together.

[Anonymous]

My first reaction, besides the infidelity, is that you picked a random stranger without having any idea of whether this person had any stds or not. I think all people should know if the person they are having sex with have been tested recently. By doing it in the manner you did it you could have potentially given something to your girlfriend.
Definitely think you need to go get lab tests.

For me personally cheating is cheating. The bi thing would be less of an issue if the man told me about it prior to really getting close to me but being bi wouldn't give him an out not to be monogamous. Monogamy is part of my orientation and for myself I don't waver. Once I'm in love with someone I don't get tempted if everything is balanced in the relationship. So no I'd probably not forgive a man if he did this. Whether he was with a woman or man would not make a difference. If it was a new feeling for him I"d rather he break up with me and explore it then break my heart with an infidelity.

That being said maybe your girlfriend is a more open person and she understands that this was something you needed to explore to see if it was a curiosity. Again the way you did it was wrong on many levels. I think the only way to save the relationship if you look at your relationship as something long term is to seek counseling together. You've created a wounding situation for her.

If she wants to break up then let her go freely. Part of loving someone is allowing them to do what they think is best for themselves.

[LinaLuv]

I understand you were curious and wanted to figure things out which I think is fine for you to do and a good idea BUT to be in a freaking relationship and break that commitment and trust just so you could be selfish and figure stuff out real quick then come back... I just think that's fucked up. Point blank. You are in a relationship for a reason and you messed up big time for doing that. It could've been a possibility of you talked to her about it or maybe she would've rejected the idea which she has the right to do but at least you would be fair to her and the relationship. Personally if I was ever cheated on and my partner wanted me to stay with them the only way I'd stay is if they let me do the same kind of cheating back to them with anyone I wanted and then gave me a pass. They'd have to be okay with it and contuy the relationship with me because that's basically what they are asking me to do. Would anyone do that though... I don't think so and I don't think the cheaters would be cool with that so that basically shows that the relationship would come to an end... in my situation

But with that being said Iat least your girlfriend and you are trying to work things out. That's good.

[AdithyaR]

That is still cheating and not forgivable
You should talked to her about how you were feelinf instead of betraying her.

[Twalli]

If my girlfriend wanted to try another girl I would prefer a threesome.

[AzureGirl]

Would I forgive it? No. I don’t forgive cheating and cheating is not justifiable. It doesn’t matter that you are bisexual, that doesn’t excuse you. If you were curious then you should have either talked to your girlfriend about it and decide together, end your relationship because of your whim, or forget the idea because you’re in a relationship. Cheating should never be an option.

[Nicolette777]

I would not forgive you. If you were felling this way, I would have expected you to tell me and then I may have let you try it but going behind my back and purposely downloading Grindr? No honey. That’s not a quick mistake. That was carefully thought out cheating, whether it was with a man or a woman. You cannot use your sexuality as an excuse to cheatZ

[Bryant007]

lol be honest did u like sucking that dick tho?

[Anonymous]

Nope I would never forgive a cheater I can’t stand them they are heartless selfish beeps

sorry but if you knew you were curious about experiencing something with another guy you should have done that before you got into a relationship I really hope she does break up with you not only did you cheat on her but how do you not know that the guy you cheated on her with doesn’t have an std and passed it onto you and that you haven’t since passed it onto her

[Asker]

I don't think she will. at least I hope she doesn't. She told me the same thing, that I should have either fulfilled those curiosities before getting with her or waited until she was comfortable enough to potentially try it together. She said she appreciates my sexuality and understands Why it happened. She said it was (bad choice of words) but a good thing I was only able to live with the guilt for a few short days before telling her. She said that she also appreciates that I've been a fucking crying mess since I told her. None is this is fake, whether you believe me or not. I do love her. And she says she loves me back. She says she misses me and that she hates what I've done and just needs time to figure it out. I told her that when she decides what to do. To either give me. My ring, if she is ready to forgive me and start fresh, or give me her ring. If she wants to say goodbye.