★ Should I Be Freaked Our About My New Girlfriend's Past?

Question

I started a relationship about 10 months ago. This is my first new relationship in 18+ years. I'm 36, and she's 44.
My last relationship was an absolute Trainwreck. She became addicted to pain meds 4 years in after a car accident. The last 8+ years were a loveless "friendship" involving me trying to keep her alive. After, I spent ≈ 4 years being single which was bliss. But I also spent them 100% sex free, As I did for 2-3 of the last years "with" my ex. I really really enjoy this new girlfriend's company. I like who I am around her. And my mind from refusing to get into another relationship. I've never been more open and honest with anyone in my life and I definitely care about her. But as the months went on, she started sharing things, mainly of a sexual nature, that I always made a rule to avoid discussing. It started out one day when she kind of blurted out that "some people would consider her a whore". Something I wasn't interested in diving deeper into at the time. We later had talks explaining how she had several partners over the years, relationships, club hookups, etc. This was something I wasn't used to, but I was fine with it. Then things started coming out (mainly while drinking) that she was an early version of what we call now a camgirl around 2005. That was tough to get past. Months later, she added the fact that it was a piss fetish page (which she insists she doesn't have) and that her panties & compilation videos were made and sold online with her ex. That was a little better tougher to get past. But I'm on her couch right now. Threesomes, Foursomes, guys, girls, whatever. It killed me to hear it, but I decided I could deal. Then it was random Craiglist hookups. Finally it came out (drunk again) that she would find a weed dealer on Craiglist and have sex with them for free weed. I'm speechless. She's a totally different person now, but I'm not sure I can get past all that. Am I just really repressed? Or does the past really matter?

Answer 1

Lost_Spark

Xper 6

If she is different now and has no desire to go back to the ways of her past, I presume she is clean medically? Then just try accept it.

We all have our own stories, likes etc, and at the time believes that what we were doing was ok.

It is what we choose to do now and going forward from there is what is important, and having support to do so makes it easier.

Be honest with her, and ask her to be honest with you. If she wants to dabble again, then take it from there...

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1 Person

Asker

+1 y
We're both crazy honest, which I love.
Everything until the Craigslist shit, I rolled with.
I like her too much to walk away over some bullshit.
And I'm usually FAR from judgmental with anything.
But this gave me a visceral reaction of disgust.
I think It's more of self-respect concern.
Can't love someone if they don't love themself.
More might come out.
Worried about that too...

Thanks a lot. This helps. 👍
Lost_Spark

+1 y
No one is perfect in life! The main thing is the here and now and what follows.

Tabula Rasa!
Asker

+1 y
Totally agree.
But shouldn't dealbreakers be on the table?
I'm feeling like a sexist, judgmental prick.
Which might be a worse feeling, because of how out of character that is for me.
And she's over the moon in love with me.
(might have hacked her search history. she's obsessively looking me up for 2 years b4 we got together...)
I almost wish it was insecurity. Be easier to be fix.
But I'd still rather end it for a better reason.
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Lost_Spark

+1 y
It is a tough one, I cannot or will not advise apart from to say "be honest"

Also, it must have been hard for her to admit her past to you despite being drunk at the time.

Answer 2

Asker

We're both crazy honest, which I love.
Everything until the Craigslist shit, I rolled with.
I like her too much to walk away over some bullshit.
And I'm usually FAR from judgmental with anything.
But this gave me a visceral reaction of disgust.
I think It's more of self-respect concern.
Can't love someone if they don't love themself.
More might come out.
Worried about that too...

Thanks a lot. This helps. 👍

Answer 3

Lost_Spark

No one is perfect in life! The main thing is the here and now and what follows.

Tabula Rasa!

Answer 4

Asker

Totally agree.
But shouldn't dealbreakers be on the table?
I'm feeling like a sexist, judgmental prick.
Which might be a worse feeling, because of how out of character that is for me.
And she's over the moon in love with me.
(might have hacked her search history. she's obsessively looking me up for 2 years b4 we got together...)
I almost wish it was insecurity. Be easier to be fix.
But I'd still rather end it for a better reason.

Answer 5

Lost_Spark

It is a tough one, I cannot or will not advise apart from to say "be honest"

Also, it must have been hard for her to admit her past to you despite being drunk at the time.

Answer 6

Anonymous

You shouldn't freak out, but just be aware that you're dealing with a person that is capable of some crazy shit.
She's not like you.
She could potentially go back to that lifestyle if she gets bored with you.
Just enjoy the relationship while it lasts, but I wouldn't start picking out rings or putting her up on a pedestal.
It is what it is.
Be careful.

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Answer 7

bamesjond0069 | 2K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Guru

you're 36 and dating a 44 year old. you're already dumpster diving... what did you expect? Fyi im 33 and mostly date girls 18 to 22. They haven't been alive long enough to do half the shit your girls done.

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Answer 8

Shamalien | 3K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Guru

Dude how much of a naive idiot are you? she's a decade older than u and a washed up whore.

She must b really good looking but thats not worth it

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Answer 9

Anonymous

As long as it's the past that she doesn't do any of that stuff anymore my girlfriend she had a really bad past also I was shocked and just couldn't believe the things that she did

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Answer 10

In_Trance | 10.9K opinions shared on Sexuality topic.

Master

Her past is really none of your business

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★ Should I Be Freaked Our About My New Girlfriend's Past?

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