My Husband mentioned had a “serious talk with me last night “ trying to explain how I gained some weight and that if it’s possible I should lose it?

Question

Is my husband being rude? Shouldn’t he love me the way I am, he told me I still love you the way you are don’t take it the wrong way but I just noticed you gained more than a few pounds extra pounds and I would recommend you to try working on yourself and losing it, isn’t that little rude? I didn’t even wanna talk to him after he told me that last night. He noticed I was a bit mad at him and than his like are you mad at me? I was pissed off tbh, and I’m thinking of not having sex with him for a while from what he said:

archiz · Accepted Answer

No he is absolutely right to mention it and I will tell you why.
First of all, anything that bothers you in a relationship you should be able to communicate it in a safe space.
He apparently worded it in a respectful manner and as his partner you should listen to his needs and understand where he is coming from.
Second, this whole concept of you should love me regardless my looks is false and idealistic.
You can't use love as a pretext to slack and let yourself go. Especially if he is taking care of yourself.
A relationship is a constant effort of give and take. The difficult part isn't getting into s relationship but maintaining it.
So you need to put in the work and not take his love for granted as security.
Finally, punishing him with lack of sex is just childish in my opinion. You got bothered by it reason with your feelings first and TALK to him.
Communication is key, without it might as well give up.
Talk to him, I can't highlight that enough.
Also open up to him.
Sudden Weight gain is usually assimilated to smthng: stress, depression, health problems and so on...
So maybe expressing those bottled up emotions and reaching out for him will do you so much good in the long run.

angiebangie · Accepted Answer

Its your husband.. please don't take it in a bad way when I say women when we become wives have an OBLIGATION to keep ourselves desirable to our husbands, lest his eyes should stray to other women... age is inevitable. But there is beauty in old age! Being fat is just unhealthy. Instead of keeping sex from him, why don't you work on your weight? Your husband loves you. Thats why he's had this talk with you last night. He wants to be able to love you better, and he can do that when you're also loving yourself by taking care of yourself.

AustinMan · Accepted Answer

Whoa!! Okay. Step back from your temper!!

First, it sounds like he said it in a reasonable, kind way. Am I wrong? If so, how?

Second, I understand how sensitive women are about their weight and the more overweight they get, the more sensitive they are. I know: I was married to morbidly obese for 27 years. Never again but I never dared say a thing save once and that did no good. It seems to me that there's an implied contract in marriage that each will take care of themselves and do their best to stay attractive, including maintaining their body shape absent a good reason why not. Do you agree?

Third and finally, I firmly believe that one should never, EVER weaponize sex or communication. They are the fundamental tools for resolving these issues.

What do you think?

anupamagrawal · Accepted Answer

Ok, so here is a relation where a husband can't tell her wife that she has gained weight and suggests that you should work upon that..

Its a free and caring advise and that is hurting you - if the same reply would have come from a gym instructor or a fitness freak - you would have considered it and felt yourself low of having to gain weight.

To gain or not to gain - is your choice - but you can't get angry over a concerned advise. Do a favour - stop talking to his for the rest of his life -he would be more happy.

Really - you are at the loss of motivation and that route is taking you to motivational paradise.

Think and block me.

remmadee · Answer

I just feel like he was concerned because putting on weight can lead to other health related issues. Being heavier does increase the risk for developing other problems. This is not the case for every person, but does depend on genetics as well. I can kind of understand from his perspective that your body has changed and he knows what type of form he likes. Instead of just leaving you or something unreasonable he brought it to your attention. I feel that maybe you guys could try doing a team effort in this situation. Why not work out and eat healthier together so it becomes more of a lifestyle you both can benefit from rather than it seeming like the focus is entirely on you?

Breanna_nonbinary · Answer

I know I replied to your other post but I wanted to respond to this one as well. Although I know it was easy to hear what he was saying it’s even harder to tell a woman what he told you. It’s good that you have a close relationship with him that he feels he can tell you those things. But what I think he’s trying to tell you is that he’s starting to feel less attracted to you physically. If that’s the case then maybe it’s a team effort to get back in shape. Do things together to help both of you.

Haynbaby808 · Answer

Girl the only weight you need to lose is him, pulling you down. Very shallow and rude. Now there's a different if it's affecting your health. You will have to deal with a superficial boy if you stay. Im sorry. Don't let him get you down. You stand proud and tall. You are beautiful fprget what he says. 😘❤🔥

JinRavage · Answer

Sometimes its better to be told the thing that hurts. He should love you the way you are, and it kinda sounds like he does. If you were naturally heavy and he asked you to lose weight it would be disrespectful, but gaining 50 pounds is a sign of not taking care of yourself.

Withholding sex for a minute is probably fair, but you might want to consider a little exercise, not necessarily just to lose weight, but more to keep yourself in good health. Trust me this is personal experience talking. After several years of not working out, i thought i was going to die after 10 seconds of running. That really hurts your self confidence.

CoffeePossum · Answer

How much does he weight? If he mentioned it respectfully then i wouldn't get too mad about it, if he's so healthy why not recommend that you join him in the gym

Sum_00 · Answer

Concern... based on the comment, it may sound nagging or rude to you but maybe that is his way of showing his care for you...

standingUP · Answer

50 lbs heavier is a bit much. It is showing that you don't need to try any harder for him. I guarantee if you divorced and wanted to date again you would put effort into losing weight or making healthier choices. Why not for him?
And if your husband of all people cannot bring something concerning who in the hell could. He loves you and being heavier is unhealthy and he wants you around and to feel good about yourself again. That is love. Especially how concerned how you felt about that intervention. Would you tell him if he needed changes and how would you have brought it up differently?
Now that your husband is concerned. That might be all the motivation you needed. Use this anger to drive a new routine. Just start with 15 minutes a day. No need to announce it or make a big deal maybe in alone time or walks to start? it up to you.

Mellontikos · Answer

Any woman that tries to punish me by denying me sex, gets dumped IMMEDIATELY.

LeRetard · Answer

That's not rude. He's concerned for you.

LeeannaDD · Answer

Depends, either you have an issue and he’s just concerned or he’s a mysoginistic asshole

slatyb · Answer

You have an obligation to try to remain attractive to your partner. How much weight have you gained?

Metlahaed · Answer

It's a little rude, but it may cause bigger problems with your sex life, relationship, and health. He is bringing it up now before it becomes something more. Nothing wrong with working out and being more healthy!

Reaperbot666 · Answer

if he used the wording "if it is possible" then he might not just want you to lose the weight for him but also for you. could be that he would like you to go back to a healthier weight. even if you just try to get back to your original weight. you would most likely look and feel healthier and better overall.

possible he noticed your insecure about the amount you put on.

possible he wants to make sure your not going to have any underline issues later on. if you keep gaining weight over time like added health risks.

however there is most likely a better way he could have worded this all not to hurt your feelings. but sometimes the straight up truth hurts.

Dargil · Answer

"Is my husband being rude?"
Nope. Direct.
"I’m thinking of not having sex with him for a while from what he said"
And sewing the seeds for cheating and divorce. Is that what you want?
Isn't it easier to cut back on the carbs?

0112358 · Answer

the weight shift you mention is a bit of a health issue. Beyond that it's pretty normal for a shift that big to affect how physically attractive someone finds their partner. Telling your partner they're less attractive is not an easy conversation. Ignoring it and just losing attraction for your partner without telling them why is, if you're married, even worse.

Pandemic … is actually a great time to get in shape, or blow it. First month I gained weight, then turned it around and am now in the best shape I've been in years. Doing so is good for your mental state as well. One step at a time. Absolutely demand your husband exercise with you and eat healthy with you and help you plan meals and cook etc. If he wants this change, he needs to be extremely supportive!

BlessedDaddy · Answer

You could ask him if he could get a bigger dick. However, after what you just wrote, he's a pretty big fucking dick.

Boredguy400 · Answer

He should love you regardless, but he doesn't.
His love is conditional.
I'm sure there's physical things you would leave him over as well.
I guess you either lose weight or don't and call his bluff.
The other option is to find a different guy that wants a chubbier woman or has no issue with it.

ColHathi · Answer

Unless he said it out of concern for your wellbeing, he sounds like an ass. I'd be mad too.

winterfox10 · Answer

Talking with you about gaining 50 pounds isn't rude; that's love. 50 Pounds isn't a small amount of weight. That's not cosmetic; that's your personal health.

worldscolide · Answer

Imagine the roles reversed, women expect men to change for them, and we are just supposed to take it. but we aren't allowed to mention anything about our partners that we dislike and wish changed.

In one respect i agree with you, he should accept you as you are, if, and only IF you do the same for him, ask him to change nothing.. On that same token he might have health concerns about you. It depends on how he mentioned it.

I have never mentioned my wife's weight to her, though when she gets frustrated with it, i mention to stop snacking and the like, that she has power over it. I personally dont care, i think she looks fantastic the way she is, and wouldn't change her, but when i hear her frustrated i try to nudge her in the right direction if that makes sense.

Bottom line, it depends on how he mentioned it. If it wasn't intended as rude than you're likely overreacting.

My Husband mentioned had a “serious talk with me last night “ trying to explain how I gained some weight and that if it’s possible I should lose it?

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