Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Need help, confused with my actions?

I (20F) was in love with this guy (20M)... and he wanted to have sex and I knew I wanted more than sex. But I never spoke up about what I wanted or my feelings. I let him have sex with me whenever he wanted because I just wanted to make him happy. I never messaged him or reached out to him because I was scared I would be a burden so I just let him always initiate everything. I was so passive and I just was on standby for him. I never stayed after sex because he never asked me too and I didn’t want to annoy him. I accepted that if one day he leaves me then I would move on and that I wouldn’t speak of my feelings or wants unless he brought up the conversation. I‘m confused by what I did, but the only thing I can worry about is if I made him happy or not, because that was the only thing I wanted and now I’m scared I wasn’t able to fulfil that.

I’m just worried... I hope I did the right thing.
Updates:
+1 y
I’m only worried that I didn’t do enough to make him happy or be good enough and now I’m just stressed
0 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • What is it that you want in a relationship? Do you even know? Do you think you deserve anything?

    If you are happy doing what you have been doing (which I think most people would call being used for sex) and the only thing you care about in a relationship is making the other person happy then I guess that could be fine for a while. I think it will be very difficult to have a long term relationship that way though. If the guy only sees you as a female body and sex object, then at some point he'll probably find someone else for that and stop contacting you. Of course, you might be able to find another guy happy to do the same thing as long as you're young and attractive.

    For a lot of people that would be very unsatisfying in the long run since there no emotional bond, he won't be available to help you when you need something or just to be a companion (for anything other than sex), and there's no sense of long term commitment to each other. But if you don't want any of those things and are happy just being on call for sex when he feels like it and otherwise being on your own, then maybe what you've been doing will work for you at least while you're young.

    • Do you think he would be happy though

    • I think with him I just cared about making him happy

  • You did NOT do the right thing. In a relationship there has to be give and take. You just gave and gave. If he cared about what you wanted, he would never know what it was because you hid it.
    "I let him have sex with me whenever he wanted because I just wanted to make him happy."
    "I never messaged him or reached out to him because I was scared I would be a burden so I just let him always initiate everything."
    So you became an object for him to use, and you feared that you would be a burden. Can't you see how wrong that is?
    You need to start over with someone new and stand up for yourself. Be a major part of the relationship, no just a follower.

    • But do you think I did enough to make him happy or it wasn’t enough

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Hey, its wonderous that you have put the love of someone else first, but its also a dangerous recipie.

    You have needs too and if your not sharing what those are, he's with an illusion.

    I think you just need to talk to him, tell him what your feeling and ask where your going together. Maybe you can say how your feeling with regards to wanting to take things further.

    You've got what I would call a non-relationship because its predicated on one side. Find out more about him as a person, ask questions and don't be afraid to let him know your needs too.

    You can't keep someone by just focusing on their happieness. You keep someone by sharing your strengths together and helping each other in times of weakness.

    I hope he's someone who is worthy of what you have done for him, and I hope this is just the prelude to you finding out who each other is and realising your already in love.

    Good luck.

  • Well, I guess the real question is do you think that basically being a fuckbuddy fir hum was the best way to make him happy, or do you think he could have been happier if you showed genuine interest in him and his life.

    • Yeah! That’s the thing how can I tell?

    • I can’t tell what he wanted

  • You did the right thing. Don't worry about. What you were doing then was quite similar to self sabotaging. Know your worth.

    • How is it similar to self sabotage?

    • I wasn’t worried about myself

    • Well playing the doormat, not putting out your feelings up front, getting used and still stressing about how you treated him pretty much sum it up.

    • Show All

  • Well, you ought to discuss your feelings and talk about the status of the relationship.

  • Are you still with the guy?

    • Dont worry about it he wasn't worth it.

  • Sounds like a one sided relationship share your feelings and if he finds you annoying that's on him not you

  • You should really think about telling him how you feel, otherwise you'll think he broke your heart but you knowingly let it happen.

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