Our sex life slowed down but his watching porn?

Question

My boyfriend and I been together for 2 years and we moved in together about 4 months ago. In the last 2 months or so I’ve noticed that we have sex less and less it’s almost like his not interested anymore. He works a stressful job and works graveyard but home on the weekend. Recently I discovered his been watching porn when he gets home and can spend 20-45 min on watching videos to looking at reddit. I’ve tried to address him like I’ve noticed things changed between us and asked him if he was cheating or watching porn he denied to both. I know his not cheating but I’m really bothered by the porn especially since he claims his tired, stressed and just not in the mood but apparently his in the mood to watch porn 3-4 times a week. I’m not sure what to do I can’t address the porn directly since I snooped 😔 ( I know it was wrong but I had a gut feeling something was up ) but his being dishonest about the whole situation. I’m worried that this will end up hurting us long run. Am I being completely unreasonable about the situation, do I let him to continue watching it and act like I don’t know about? When is enough is enough and just call him out on it? I understand men will always watch porn but it’s affecting us I have a problem with. Please help

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I see two angles to this. First, he knows as well as you do that there's a problem, and he should be open and honest about it. He should talk to you.

Second, guys need a regular sexual release, even when they are stressed. Masturbating to porn is the easiest path to that... the path of least resistance. Guys have to put in most of the effort during sex, and that can sound exhausting if he's stressed and not feeling great. He needs something to persuade him it's worth the effort. Maybe you should tell him you just need a little time with his body and you'll do all the work. Tell him to lay back and relax and let you take over. Do that a few times and I'll bet it lights his fire a little.

Also, try to find out what is interesting him in the porn he watches. Ask him what lights his fire. What are his fantasies? Try to make some of them come true, whether it's role play, anal, BDSM, whatever. Give his a reason to do the real thing instead of just watching porn.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Porn is entertainment. Just like you watching chick flicks for the mental fantasy. It has absolutely nothing to do with you, his level of contentment, or sexual activity.
It is visual fantasy. It gives us dopamine to our brain and makes us happy.
Yes you are indeed being unreasonable, but a basic female. Since women generally can not grasp the difference between males and females.

You watch romance movies, read 50 shades, watch magic mike... not because you are unsatisfied with you life, you do it for entertainment and mental fantasy. It has nothing to do with your partner.

Whats affecting your sex life, could be your controlling nature. It could be stress. There are endless other reasons, but porn is not one of them.

SueShe · Accepted Answer

Watching porn in secrecy is unfortunately the beginning of the end of a relation on a long run, mainly if he denies the wrongdoing.

Watching lewd movies while being in a relation is a form of cheating that is just as bad as physical cheating.

Of course that if you tell him that you snooped and that you have proof of his misdemeanor, it will only make things worse because he will realize that trust is an issue within your couple.

I would recommend that you prepare a list of issues that you see within your relation and to each issue, you bring up a solution to the problem. Ask your boyfriend to do a similar list, independent from yours. Thereafter, you sit together and go over both lists trying to find a consensus that is acceptable to both parties. The important thing is not to be angry or accusing because that would not only falsify the outcome but make things only worse. Good luck.

jakerson181 · Answer

I wouldn't worry about the porn as much as I would his lack of interest in having sex with you. One is probably the result of the other. That's the discussion you should have with him about why he's not interested in sex.

I-am-a-nobody · Answer

Isn't it funny how porn kills normal sexual desire.
God's way is best, which means no sex before marriage, too.
When people break the rules it hurts them.
that's why God want s to protect people from sinning.