How do women avoid being called a whore/slut if they have a high sex drive?

[elisa_0]

I have a high sex drive and some of you already know it. Even my exes have told me that I have the sex drive of a guy (lmao).

Women are socially conditioned to not accept sexual advances from random guys, and guys are encouraged to accept sexual advances from random girls, so this plays a role in my life because it's difficult to express my desire to some guys I'm into.

Most girls say they don't like seeing random dick pics, but I actually get turned on by a lot of them especially if the guy shows me a hard on and there's a cute guy behind the screen. Most guys would think this way too, but about a girl who's naked. And I've met a few girls who actually enjoy seeing dick pics, but it's the "norm" that we don't, because we're supposed to not be like guys in this area, which is completely dumb in my opinion.

If a girl is so willing to have sex with a guy, she will probably not be taken very seriously after she has sex with him. The guy may feel like she's too easy or maybe she won't commit to him. And this is one of the reasons why I'm reluctant to really enjoy myself sexually, because some men refer to women like me as whores or sluts. Whores and sluts get paid and they do sex work. That's not the same as having sex with someone out of pure enjoyment, so that would be an incorrect and insulting label.

I feel like in this particular area, guys have it easier "in a way" (not always) because they're expected to want sex anyway, but they're also punished because people think of them as creeps if they make any sexual advances.

[MrOracle]

So, here's the problem: you're a girl, you're willing to have casual sex, so you know this makes you a desired commodity, and so you naturally want to "spend" this desirability to get you the best guys. The problem is that the "best" guys in your mind tend to be the guys who are most physically attractive. You may come to like other characteristics of them, but to start out with, you want the hot guys. Again, this is understandable. But it's also a problem.

If you think looks are how women are judged (and you aren't wrong), that's actually MORE true of men, and women are actually much harsher about how they judge men then vice versa. For most women, men are either 9+ out of 10 (i. e., "hot"), or they're "not hot." There aren't many 9+ guys around, but the guys who won that genetic lottery can attract TONS of women quite easily, because they're the guys that virtually EVERY woman is attracted to - the kind of attraction that would make a virgin girl leave her Bible study class to go blow him in the filthy bathroom of a bar.

The problem with that is that such men have pussy thrown at them dozens of times a day, and while they're happy to take advantage of that on a frequent basis, the women themselves mean quite little to the man and the men have very little respect for the women. Growing up with some semi-famous musicians, I saw this first hand. My buddy, who had easily slept with over 1000 girls, many of them smoking hot, starting when he was 13, literally had his first girlfriend at age 34, and had no idea what to do or what it meant to have a girlfriend, and used to ask me questions about relationships.

So, if you want to successfully have casual sex (and I'm defining "success" as having it without losing respect of your partners), then the hot, popular guys are out. They'll fuck you, sure, but they absolutely won't respect you, and it will mean nothing to them to call you a slut/whore and treat you like one. Instead, you need to be looking at guys in the 6-8 range - better looking than average but still mostly ignored by women, and you need to find guys who are emotionally mature. This means you have to talk to them and get to know them a little bit, and you either tell them that it's a one-time-only thing or it's a friends with benefits thing. Remember: guys who aren't emotionally mature won't handle these situations well - they'll fall in love or act needy or jealous, etc., and that's what you don't want, so emotional maturity is important. OR, I suppose, you only have random ONS with guys at least 50 miles away from where you live, and you don't give them your real name or any real information, and you never see them a second time.

Is that a lot of work? Yes, but that's how it goes. Casual sex is a LOT of work for the vast majority of guys too - only the 9+ guys get it easily, and they get it SO easily that they have zero respect for women.

Anyway, I hope this helps you at least understand a bit more about the possibilities.

[elisa_0]

Or... we could instead encourage these guys who’ve won the “genetic lottery” to respect people they have sex with. Girls also get a lot of male attention if she is young and pretty. Does she then treat every guy like absolute trash because of the attention they give her? Not necessarily.

[scooogy]

I don't know why exactly, but I sorta developed a higher interest in women slightly older than me, like late 30s early 40s recently.

[elisa_0]

Anyway 😂 @MrOracle I completely understand why you’re saying. However, wouldn’t it be better to instead discourage the objectification and disrespect of women? Men “give it up easily” almost by default and that is normalized. Why can’t women have the same privilege? Why is it that women have to be the ones to change or fix their behavior around men who objectify them?

[elisa_0]

what* you’re saying. typo.

[MrOracle]

That's like suggesting that we solve crime by teaching people to be good - of course that is a noble goal, but morals are largely learned from your parental figures, and are based on their actions as much as their words. So you would have to count on every parent worldwide to suddenly become moral themselves, to be a good example, and them to teach their children perfectly. If that was at all practical, crime of all types would cease to exist. But it never has in the entire human history, so that's not really a practical solution. In reality, it's up to YOU to protect yourself, and you do that by making wise choices in sex partners.

[elisa_0]

The human race has become more civilized and unified over time. It is practical. We can do it. That’s why we’re starting to educate kids about this too—so they can pass it down to the next generation. It’s not unrealistic like you think it is. Your proposal makes it so that we don’t solve the main issue.

[elisa_0]

Not even two hundred years ago, the first school for blacks was founded. Imagine if our ancestors had told blacks that we can’t change humanity, so they just have to accept that they’ll be slaves forever.

[elisa_0]

Humanity will never be perfect. But there’s always room for improvement. It’s perfectly practical.

[AntiStereo]

1st I wanna say that much like those "young and pretty" girls who don't necessarily treat guys like trash, not all hot guys do either. There are no absolutes. 2nd to make your plan work @elisa_0 we would have to get the message to them Young, young enough that their moral compasses can be swayed by people they don't really trust, because if their parents were already doing it then we wouldn't be here. Or we could encourage parents to do it while their children are still of a moldable age, and the issue with that is 1 the internet is giving unauthorized younglings a chance to draw their own conclusions without the necessary explanation (porn doesn't tell you what's up, it just gets to the fun stuff, and the age verification on most sites is trash or non-existent) and 2 parents aren't gonna wanna broach the subject of sex that soon in their little boy or girls life. There are solutions to these problems, but that's not my job.

[MrOracle]

@elisa_0 it's practical to strive for improvement, but it's not practical to believe that a long-term evolution is going to help you today, or tomorrow, or next week, or even in your lifetime. What about all of the guys who are teens or older, who are already the way they are and aren't going to change? You can't pretend as if those problems don't exist, or that you can wish them away. I gave you practical advice for handling the problem TODAY, but it means that YOU have to do the work and YOU have to take the responsibility. I get that you're hoping to put that on someone else, but that won't be a workable solution in your lifetime, so what are YOU going to do? If you have a better solution that would work TODAY, with the people that are already in the world, I'm sure everyone would love to hear it.

[elisa_0]

I didn't say it could help me tomorrow... I said, how could we improve the situation for women to be able to express themselves sexually. I'm not expecting results right now. It's crazy that you assumed that and made an entire suggestion out of something I never said. Changes occur slowly, they dont happen in two days. You think I dont know that? LOL

[MrOracle]

Your question wasn't framed as "how can we solve this problem within several generations" - it seemed pretty clear that you were looking for a solution that would work today. That's what I gave you. It's great to plan long-term too, but why wouldn't we want to talk about a solution that works today?

[elisa_0]

We could work toward a solution that doesn’t encompass the targeted individual having to change their behavior. It’s like telling a bullied kid in school to change his mindset and pretend that bullying will never go away. That’s not how you solve problems. You solve problems by educating the perpetrators, not changing the victim’s reaction.

[AntiStereo]

Easy answer. Any dickhead who calls you those things degradingly isn't worth talking to, then just dont communicate with them ever again. Problem solved

[kaylaS91]

I keep my sex-life (whether it be actually sharing which activities I've partaken in or am into, as well as more provocative attire) separate from my work environment. So.. if anyone at work feels the need to call me a slut, then they'll have a hard time finding any actual evidence to back it up.

I feel like if someone in my personal life feels the need to call me out- they can feel free to do so. I agree with you that there's a definite double standard and since there's nothing wrong with a woman acknowledging that desiring/enjoying sex is not solely reserved for men, I just ignore people who insist on holding onto their patriarchal views. I probably wouldn't befriend many such people any way.

[Agape93]

You can’t, in all honesty. You can be a virgin and still be called a whore.

Use the title like armor, embrace it.

[elisa_0]

Lmaooo true

[AustinMan]

You're right. Just be selective and seek out an ol' horn dog who's sex drive matches yours and will spank you for being such a horny little tart.

[elisa_0]

You’re the core of the problem

[AustinMan]

What problem is that?

[elisa_0]

Never mind. I hope you didn’t mean that in an insulting way lol

[SomeOther]

"horny little tart" ... Well looks like I'm using this one on my girl.

[elisa_0]

@SomeOther Lmaoooo

[AustinMan]

Those kinds of nouns are terms of endearment for me and my lady: tart, harlot, slut, whore, bitch, wanton woman, ...

[elisa_0]

Wow. 😂 I guess I’m too vanilla for all of that

[scooogy]

@elisa_0 so no BDSM stuff? :P

[AustinMan]

@scooogy :((

[DizzyDesii]

I dont feel anything is wrong with being open about what you're into doing. However i think if people like to do it with a lot of people then they should expect some kinda slutshaming. But if you're doing a bunch of freaky things with the same partner or few guys then thats not too bad

[websterII]

keep your affairs private .. i'm not telling you.. i'm suggesting that as a solution. by the way i worry as much about a lady that only had one male lover (who's been with 500 women) as i am about a woman who has had 500 men.. each is a spin on the chamber.. russian rulette. as far as a hgh sex drive with one person.. OMG i hope that happens to me! when i was a kid i avoided ladies who've been around for 2 reasons.. 1 i didn't want to be the father of someone else's kid and 2. i didn't want to have to explain any std's some incurable to any future partner. casual sex has always been a no for me.. too dangerous. I'll add a third reason too 3. my self esteem wasn't the best either so i couldnt trust the reason they wanted to have sex with me.

[purplepoppy]

I do it by fucking a lot of guys just not every guy. It's all about standards

[blank_expression]

Had a girlfriend that had a mean sex drive and that never made me think that. Only after that she leveraged multiple partners to get at me did I think those thoughts.

[FollowtheFellow]

I think you are right. But the problem is mostly not men calling such girls whores, it's more the women who do.

I think Girls like you are amazing, just because you don't hide behind social matters, you are who you are and you are true to yourself. That's just sexy ständig by itself!

So if you wanna have some Chat fun, I would appreciate to show you whatever you want and tease you in every way you would like to ;)

[gotc147]

Have to find the right kind of guy. I personally don't care about a girls past so long as she doesn't have any STD's.

I'm a bit dirtier than even most guys when it comes to sex, collars, blindfolds, whips, gags, that's my kind of thing. So I honestly need to go for more promiscuous women anyway.

[BlondeGoneWild]

I’ve come to like being called a slut over the years. The double standard is ridiculous and I think the only way to tear it down is to stop seeing “slutty” behavior as bad or derogatory. I don’t like being called a whore though, because to a lot of people, it implies I have sex for money. That is something I never have or would do.

[Metlahaed]

Join fetlife and stay in an understanding and open community that won't judge you, and keep that part of your life secret from your "normal" life

[Alpha09]

You can't really, you could sleep with one person and some idiot will find a way to make thier in asked for opinions know. But you can reduce the chances by keeping how many people you see to yourself. I notice a lot post photos and tell everyone who they are seeing, and I guess that's fine if you don't care who knows. But if you don't want any kind of negative comments or opinions from people, you kinda have to keep it to yourself. It's your business so why make it public knowledge? You know.

[Reaperbot666]

nothing wrong with enjoying sex with your spouse. even if you have a higher then average sex drive. just make sure you both have the stamina for it.

most girls have a high sex drive. they just have better control over it then guys typically.

[madgoat]

Having a high sex drive does not mean you need to sleep around. Find a willing partner and keep it discreet. And avoid people who call you unkind names.

[nodnol32]

Just because you have higher sex drive, that doesn't make you a slut. Those who call you that, are ignorant. You don't need that negativity in your life. Everyone's sex drive is different.

[Alexandrubaschet08]

they go for one guy and suck him, fuck him thil he die and then they can go for another one

[elisa_0]

... No lol

[Alexandrubaschet08]

Why not?

[elisa_0]

For some girls it's ideal, but not for me. I also like the idea of open relationships

[Alexandrubaschet08]

yes, it is only one reltionship, "thil death will separate you" get marryed whit the guy, fuck the shit out of him thill he die and then you are free to go for the next one, people will considerat you just unlucky

[Ds4739]

You're right, except for whores get paid and sluts like sex for sex. I'm a male slut, repressing. I love sex, think about it a lot, but stay monogamous.
What's your question?

[FatherJack]

BS double standards as usual , and thank you for acknowledging that men are often viewed as disgusting perverts... often just for having the sex drive they are cursed with. It is far more women that " slut shame " than men , you are very much in the minority of women sex drive wise , but that does NOT make you a " whore /slut " ... and at least you have far easier access to sexual partners than your male counterparts. Just do your own thing , providing you do not harm others.. then it is your business only , keep it discrete ... and others should mind their own !! I am so glad I have little interest in sex now... esp as a single dad , good riddance to my Male Curse

[Samantha_17]

I like being called a slut so no problem :)

[stickytoes]

Keep it to yourself. It’s nobody else’s business. ☺️

[PureHuman]

I can't say anything. cause I never met anyone like this.

[Ahmad_91M]

No need to take anyone's openions in Sex,,, just do and go and drive everything, be free and dont let anyone effect your efforts and efficiency in bed, just be who want to be,,, and dont take care of anyone else