Is being a virgin weird or a 'red flag' when you're dating someone? How and when do you tell people?

Question

First i would like to mention i had multiple chances to have sex but i did not take em. I wanted my first time to be with a person i at least had some kind of feelings for. that being said...

Im 19 and pretty unlucky in love i'd say. I have dated multiple woman over the years but most just didn't worked out. I have to admit i am pretty picky when it comes to women...

Now atm I am dating this girl, which i really fancy. We just connected so well since i met her, i haven't had this feeling in a while. We share a lot of interest and i make her laugh a lot, she also makes me smile a lot. Last week was our first date after a few weeks of texting/calling, we have our 2nd date planned next week.

I know she likes me, or has at least some romantic interest in me, because we made out on the first date and cuddled all night (We watched a movie at her place). She texted me afterwards and said she really enjoyed it. Besides that she was the one who suggested a second date before i even left her house.

Now on the first date we did have a short convo about past relationships, not that deeply. She asked me if i have ever been in a longterm relationship before, and I haven't really been in a long term relationship, so when i answered her question i think she kinda knew the fact that i'm a virgin? maybe not?

Now i read online that some people dont want to date virgins, mostly older people though. which leads me back to my question... is it weird that im a male 19 yr old virgin? and how and when should i tell her? or is it better not to tell her till after the deed?

Thanks in advance,

Batman4663 · Accepted Answer

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standardguy · Accepted Answer

I think that having no sexual experience mean also having no negative sexual experience. That means that you are open to the other sex and willing to discover your own sexuality with your first partner. So no wrong expectation or demands.

btbc92 · Accepted Answer

Please do not base your life on somebody else's property to. Being a virgin is nothing to be concerned about. You all who you are and you are loved it was Gardner. Don't listen to those negative thoughts. They can accept you because you are a virgin, make sure that it's genuine and not because they want to hop in your pants. If not, get rid of them that's all. I'm the age that I am and I am a virgin. It's best for you not to wait until you have feelings for somebody. It is best for you to wait and get married then have sex with that person. Because you don't want to lose it and then you're playing games with your life with all these past experience and you still have nobody oh you have negative ideas about intimacy.

But yes you should tell her it was somebody that you want to have a serious relationship with. If you don't see yourself having a serious relationship with this person, it's best to end it instead of getting too attached. Bad enough you made out on the first date which is not a good idea. Tell her immediately if you want something serious with her. But don't wait until you become exclusive. And definitely do not wait until it God forbid escalated to a sexual situation. You also need to find out about her life as well. Don't get too caught up with somebody without them showing me who they really are. Because you're not friends with this person, you don't know who she is, and you should not have that be a problem unless it's something serious. You need to have these discussions now and don't do anything further and she's got all the answers that you need and she's proven herself to be trustworthy. You have to be able to see this person at somebody you want to get married and have children was to you don't want to see her as a girlfriend to have them now and then next thing you know she's be nothing but a memory that you have to live with. But can't move on with the person you supposed to be with. Seriously think about this

emmily2396 · Accepted Answer

I would like to find a guy like that. Most just see sex as a need or fun, not something intimate. So yeah, it's ideal if you only have sex with someone you have an emotional bond with. People who don't like it are probably only interested in sex. If you can't be patient with someone for a while till they get used to sex then you don't deserve love.

kaylaS91 · Answer

I don’t see why you should have to tell her as it’s not like your sexual life before her will put her health or whatever at risk of anything. If anything, your approach to this as a confession kind of perpetuates the idea of virginity past a certain age being inherently wrong.

I didn’t have sex till I was almost 20. Prior to that, friends of my then-bf would approach me at nearly every party and ask me ‘are you really still a virgin? Never slept with anybody?’ I didn’t end up sleeping with him because I wanted to, but mostly just to put those awkward conversations to rest. 😞

thegirlfromthething · Answer

At your age, no. But if someone is over 22 and still a virgin in a place where people aren’t expected to wait for marriage, especially if it wasn’t by choice, I’d wonder if there’s something wrong with him. Most people reach certain milestones by a certain age and if he’s that far behind his peers it’s possible his social development was a bit slow.

EtherielQueen1 · Answer

I’m with a guy who’s a virgin in his mid 20’s and I don’t care at all.
I feel quite happy that he’s comfortable and trusts me enough to let me be his first and he was always shy and not confident to do it before now.
19 is so young and you have lots of time, it’s better to wait for the right person than just do it for the sake of it.

aWes0MeNeSs · Answer

Absolutely not, I'd much rather be with someone who chooses to wait for the right time and person than someone who has slept around.

Also, being a virgin at 19 is very normal and you have nothing to be ashamed of.

I don't remember exactly how the topic came up with my exes, but it got brought up I guess when they asked or something related to it came up. I never did feel comfortable having sex with them, so it never got to that point.

Honestly, if someone turns you down or likes you any less just because you're a virgin, the relationship likely wasn't meant to be anyway.

theguyghail · Answer

Im a virgin, I've never been called weird for it, in fact everyone I've dated appreciated the fact that im not the kind to just fek anyone, it speaks a lot about who you are, of course you have a few whod rather someone more experienced but its never hindered my dsting life

MissRomantic · Answer

Of course it's not weird! There's many men older than you who are still virgins. I think if she were to look at it negatively, it would be immature because like you said, you didn't meet the right person yet so you didn't feel like getting intimate with them or having a long term relationship. She might be worried that you might be a player because of the dating experience you have with several women so I think it'd be a good idea to emphasize in a conversation with her that you haven't met a woman you were actually into until you met her. Then ask her if she has ever had the same experience: not being able to meet a man she liked enough to stay with so maybe you guys can relate. I would tell her after you guys go on more dates, like after 2-3 months because you'd want her to get to know you first and trust you more so when you say that you've never been in a long term relationship, she won't think that it's because you're a player. As for the deed... I don't support premarital sex as a Christian for the reason that God wants sex to be sacred within the confounds of marriage and I believe that He'd bless a relationship where both members of a couple obey him. If she doesn't want you because of that, then that's her loss and if you date more women, you will eventually meet the woman that God saved for you. Of course this is your choice to do what you want but I mentioned this in case you believe in God and Jesus Christ.

BreakingSound · Answer

I don’t think it’s a red flag at all at 19, but I do think the older you get, the more curious it becomes. If you’re a virgin at 25+, it starts to beg the question why? Even if it’s just that you’re waiting for the right person, and that’s a totally valid reason to wait, it starts to look like you maybe have impossible standards that nobody will be able to meet, and if not that, then you may be harboring some secret that keeps you from getting close to people, or you have extremely low self-esteem, or some other sort of damage. It’s a potential turn off for a variety of reasons.

I also don’t think there’s anything wrong with not blatantly revealing that information. If she asks you directly, definitely don’t lie, but there’s no reason for you to volunteer that info either.

MrNameless · Answer

19 is young dude. Nobody finds that unusual

Flower7 · Answer

I see nothing at all wrong with a guy being a virgin, no matter what his age is. To me, virginity is a very admirable and desirable quality. There's nothing weird about that. And no, the fact that you've never been in a serious relationship doesn't make it obvious that you're a virgin. Many people have had sex outside of relationships.

She won't know unless you tell her. It's nothing to worry about. The time that you choose to tell her isn't important, so don't stress over that. But personally, I don't think it's necessary to bring it up unless either she asks about your sexual history or the two of you start discussing having sex together.

JackSmy · Answer

What does online BS have to do with anything? Does she like you? Do you like her?
Who cares if you are a 'virgin'! That special, first time can be AMAZING, with the right person!!
I have been with 2 virgins, and I took the time, and made sure that they were comfortable, and ready, that first time!! I wanted it to be special, for them, and something to remember!!
How is it different for a guy? Find a lady that cares, and understands (a more mature lady, as they know a lot of AMAZING things!!!).

virtue2332 · Answer

Its obviously not an issue unless you make an issue. The fact that you have waited this long is respectable. As you said you didn't meet someone that you were comfortable enough with or cared for enough. This is all based on number of reasons weather or not this is just something that feels like it has been the right thing to do or you were taught it was the right thing to do. Either way its from your perspective its your body and people should respect and admire the fact that this has ultimately been your choice. I just think there are some people that instantly try to turn this into a religous thing. Its unfortunate that there are people in society that use this to say and judge who is good who is bad and its not really about that. If she is someone you care about and she is not a virgin doesn't make her less worthy. I know you haven't implied that but a lot of these questions turn into a debate on morality. I bring this up because you asked the question about if you should tell her or not untill after. The right answer I believe is to do what ever is comfortable for you. Just as it shouldn't be a red flag for you being a Virgin it shouldn't be a red flag if she isn't a virgin.

Tamera952 · Answer

No not at all the only red flag as if they’re Christian, or Trump supporter

Natashakir72 · Answer

U should probably let her know before the clothes come off. I take it she's somewhat experienced? Sounds to me like you want to... u know? Go to bed -) but I think you should tell her. She will most likely just feel special. Being your first. Showing u and teach. I never been with a virgin guy but I think I'd be that way. Also she would know what to expect and that you don't really... I don't know know what to do? If you don't tell I think it could be awkward. Just... u know... when the kissing leads to touching and the clothes are coming off just whispering the magic words "I've never " will tell her all

RydiaMagnifique · Answer

It is never a red flag. If you're a virgin at your age who hasn't found the right one, then good for you. The moment you start giving into peer pressure on when to lose your virginity is the moment you end up like me: a bitch who got so desperate for dick she went to a dating app to fuck whoever took the call first and it happened to be an old ass man in his 50s. 🤮

Welp... I should've waited. I enjoy sex, but I see now that I should've kept my virginity for just one more year.

Stephbs2 · Answer

Not weird but there are people that want to date experienced guys.
The thing is losing the virginity isn't this shiny moment you'll always remember and bull...
If you want to have sex.
Feelings are independent.

ItsTheNephilim · Answer

Not a red flag. If that matters, you can talk about whenever you feel convenient with your partner.

Geer73 · Answer

I was 18 when I got my first girlfriend. She was 22 and quite experienced. I told her I was a virgin very soon and she just said that it was no problem and that i should bring a condom when I was ready. It should not need to be a big topic, like what you do in your mind. It is just your first time and you better prepare yourself for an awesome experience and enjoy every second of it. I did.