What do I do if my ex wants to get back together after two years of being separated?

[Anonymous]

We were eachother’s first love and first sexual partners. Since our break up he’s had hook ups but I haven’t. He says he didn’t enjoy them as much as he did with us. Should I believe that? He said he hadn’t stopped feeling for me and that girls would just lay there after and he would even wish they were me. He’s at 5 now and most of the break up he was alone. He had originally wanted to break up to be alone and experience others but he said he didn’t enjoy it without those feelings. 3 were one night stands and 1 he saw about 3 times for just that. I don't know how to feel about it truly and I told him to get tested because the last girl he said he went in at first without protection but then he quickly put it on. Did these girls mean anything to him? Like is it true that he felt empty with them and he enjoyed us more? Might I add we were very young when we started dating the first time and we became very co-dependent of eachother. Since I didn’t have something like that he says he wouldn’t go down on them or anything like he did with me he also felt like he could do more things with me. How is the sex different? Like does he do different things (positions, stroke, talks) like did he act differently with them? What about the girl he called up more than once should I have to worry about her? He said he never hung out with her outside of just those moments and she’s a friend of a friend. I just want to know how am I even special? Like why does he think that I’m still better than those girls because he has feelings for me? What do you do differently with a girl you love? Like different positions or what? He wouldn’t even go down on them supposedly. He had left me because he wanted to be alone and also yeah experience others. In our time separated he was alone and only experienced different people in the ending and said he felt better with me. He said after those girls just laid there that he wished it was me.

[Alexandrubaschet08]

i have only 1 girlfriend afther my second brake up (the one i sufer the moust), the sex whas from me careless, i whas extremly pasive and silance in that moment. I say only 1 time that i love her because she force me, afther that never again.
Whit the one i have feeling for i whas all the time say i love her, i whas very activ and have a lot of sugestions about sex and about what to do.
You feel like a little desgusted because that girl is not the one you rellty want, i stay whit that girl just to forget about my ex (didn't work)
She whas special, she whas evrething that i whasn't and that whas what make her special. Very emotional, clingy, but 0 pacient.
You don't feel any more emotion in that time, you are like (what ever). I didn't even care when the last one brake up whit me i whas careless about her, dreaming to an imposible dream that my ex will somehow, some time she will come back to me (my second ex).
If you still have feelings for him i will sugest to get back togeder and take it more easy, live the sex for MORE later and just try to love togeder as boyfriend and girlfriend whit love and respect. But whntile you truly belive he want you don't have sex any more. Talk about your past and how did you feel about that moment and afther the brake up and how you feel now and how do you want to feel in the future, so you 2 can see if you are still able to be in a real relationship.
I WILL SAY TO GIVE HIM A SECOND CHANGE. But be more dificul to get this time.

[AustinMan]

tough Love Alert!! If you can't take it straight, read no further, please.

Whoa!! Let's step back from the drama and BREATHE!!! You've go yourself so worked up and I don't see the reason. Yes he broke up with you AND he was honest about it AND he's answered ALL your very NOSY questions and yet you're still on the brink of an emotional breakdown.

To me this is dirt simple, boiling down to one question: do you want to get back with him? I'm a devoted advocate for don't ask, don't tell when it comes to sexual history. Both of you get tested and then try again.

Wha'd'a you say?

[Asker]

I just don’t need to get tested though he’s been my only sexual partner and during the break up I never really tried to hook up with anyone because it’s truly not in me. I just don’t know if he’s like different with me and I don’t feel so special either

[AustinMan]

I know you've only been with him but it'll take some of the sting out of you asking him to get tested if you both do it, no? From all that drama you wrote, it seems clear that either he's lying he ass off for no good reason I can see or, the truth in this situation: you are indeed special to him. What makes you think you're not besides your overwhelming fear?

[Asker]

Because sex is intimate to me since I’ve only done it with someone I loved and since I didn’t do the hook up thing I don't know like did he do the same things he likes to do to me but to them? Or were those girls better than me? Like in the sex? I don't know I just feel self conscious. Like he said how he can do more with me but what does that even mean? And I don't know it’s just I struggled with even getting naked with someone I don’t know and it’s like wow he’s done with other girls that were strangers? And what if he thinks they look better than me? And since I didn’t have much of the experience like him like I said what if he learned something new from those girls? He kept saying he liked how I did it more and how he just wanted to go down on me that with them he didn’t want to

[Asker]

Or if he was passionate with them? Like what is hook up sex even like? Do men act differently?

[AustinMan]

One question: why does that matter. The past is just that, the past. You gotta get fully in the present with this. A good book to read on this that's pretty quick to read is The Power of Now.

[ecfresh]

If he wants to try again and you do also then let him know you have to start at the beginning again. Also be clear you will not have sex for at least 90 days.

[boggboss]

If u don't mind being the women he is coming back to now he has had his fun sure

[Stevepro68]

Dont go back dont go back don't go back.
Ex's are ex's for a reason. IN this great wide world of 4 billion people what are the odds that you live close to the only person who you can tolerate forever.
Not high
add in one failed attemptyou
odds are even lower.
Men always want a retread when they hit a dry spot.
Don't be that one
only darkness and pain will you find there young skywalker

[madgoat]

Focus on the prize.
Do you want to spend your life with him? Was it good to be with him before?
If yes, leave his conquests and your insecurities in the past forever and focus on building a bright future for yourselves.

[Twalli]

Sex can be meaningless for guys. Since he didn't try to make a relationship first he had meaningless sex. He didn't really care that much about them, but he did, and still does about you. He should definitely get tested. As far as sex goes, he was probably more willing to be adventurous with you. He trusted you and could be awkward with trying new positions, you don't try new positions for a ONS.

[Asker]

But my mind wonders like what is SO different about meaningless sex with those girls versus the sex with me? I also just feel embarrassed that I didn’t really get to have that like I didn’t try to sleep with anyone else because I wanted to be alone and frankly I don’t think I’m that kind of person. So my body count remains one and I don't know I feel pathetic honestly.

[Twalli]

He just had sex to cum, he didn't care about their pleasure or feelings

[Asker]

That’s different than the sex he’d have with me? Do men really act differently with a girl they love than with random hook ups?

[Twalli]

They care more about the pleasure of their girlfriend. They're also more willing to try positions the girl likes that aren't their favorite

[Asker]

So he didn’t care about their pleasure? He said one of them even did this position that she was on top and he said he didn’t like how she did it that he liked the way I sat on him (sorry for too much info) but I don’t know shouldn’t I feel like a prude for not having my own experience? I also feel like even if these girls were meaningless to him they mean a whole lot to me because he broke up with me to be alone (which he was for most of the break up he started hooking up with these girls at the end of the break up) but also to experience other people? So I’ll always see them as why he left me and look at that they weren’t as good as me because he came back to me?

[Twalli]

They weren't as good for him as you are, and part of that was probably sexually, but your relationship was more than sex. He wants or needs all facets of your relationship. He came back to you, be happy he did.

[Asker]

I should be happy that he did yes but I just feel a bit insecure. I don't know since I don’t know exactly what experience he had I just feel a bit dumb. He was young when he started with me so he left me to be alone and go to another college and yeah experience others. To him those girls might be meaningless but to me they’re the reason he left. Basically to try something else because he didn’t want to stick to me. So he’s less adventurous with them? Like not many positions? He didn’t even go down on them orally. I don’t know and there’s the first girl he had after me that he met through a friend that he saw more than once would she be significant?

[Twalli]

Probably was seeing her because he wanted to see other people and wasn't aware a lot of people do ONS if they just want sex.

[Asker]

I mean but if he did it with her once he must’ve done something more intimate no?

[Twalli]

Not necessarily

[Asker]

Then how will I know what exactly he does to me that’s so different than what he did to them?

[Twalli]

If he's more adventurous with you, he didn't do that with them. Also all foreplay and afterplay will be different.

[Asker]

How so?

[Twalli]

Just sex for a guy ends when he cums. Sex in a relationship means you actually want her to like it as much as you do. You spend moretimemkig sure the girl feels good too.

[Asker]

So is it like mediocre sex? Like he’s not that close up to them in positions kind of thing?

[Twalli]

It's sex to cum. Not sex to show how much you love someone

[Asker]

But how do I stop feeling so insecure about it? Like what if he’s changed the way he does things and it’s because one of them taught him?

[Twalli]

He came back to you. That means you are the best got him. If he got better at sex, then he'll be better at pleasing you, which is a good thing.

[Asker]

What if he took the “friends with benefits” on a trip with his friends who I also knew? Apparently he ignored her most of the trip according to my friend who was there and that they didn’t really act like a couple at all or anything and he would talk mostly to them and leave her behind? Does that mean anything?

[Anonymous]

I would date around and see if another guy treats you better before just going right back to this guy