I get panic attacks when I think how long it’s been since I’ve had sex?

Question

I haven’t had sex since 2015. I am 28 and feel like I have missed out on so much. I have never had a boyfriend.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

I don't know you and I don't know your culture, so I'm going to assume western culture knowing that I could be wrong and that what I say may not apply to you as much - but that's the best I can do with an anon poster with no background info given.

Women on average have, by far, their greatest social market value in their late teens and 20s - far higher than any man on average will ever have. What this means is that women this age can attract men of virtually any age, and more importantly, they can attract very high value men. Now, this doesn't necessarily mean you can attract ALL men, or that you can get a SPECIFIC man (maybe he's already in a relationship, or married, or gay, or he likes tall girls and you're short, or whatever), but looking at the market of men as a whole, you have tons of choices and tons of leverage to demand a high-value man.

It's like, say, wanting a house and knowing you have $20M in the bank: that doesn't mean you can buy literally ANY house - some still cost more, and many aren't on the market at all, but of those that ARE on the market, the vast majority are easily within your power to buy.

But... your SMV begins to drop in your late 20s - though it's still much higher than men's of all ages - and continues to drop quickly as you approach your early 30s, and more slowly as you get older still. Much of this is tied to your reproductive ability, as one of the main reasons men choose to get into serious relationships or marriage is because they want a family, and obviously that means they will be looking for women who are not just fertile, but who are young enough to have healthy children, and probably more than one of them. If you look at the graph, in fact, it tracks almost exactly with reproductive potential for women.

To go back to the "house buying" metaphor, does this mean you can't buy a house once you hit 30 or so? No. But it means that those big, fancy, high-end homes in exclusive neighborhoods that you could have bought in your mid-20s with your $20M in cash are now nothing but a memory. At 30, it's as if your bank account has dropped to $500,000, which means you can still buy a pretty nice 3-bedroom tract house in the distant suburbs of a city - but it is NOTHING like what you could have bought 5 years ago. And by the time you hit 35, it's more like you have $50,000 in the bank to make a down-payment on that tract house, which means you'll need to work for decades to pay off the balance.

That's the harsh reality life: women start off their adulthood with MASSIVE social value - far more than they realize in most cases - and those who take advantage of it can get a great man and have a great relationship (there is still work to be done, and no guarantees, but you have tons of advantage at that point). But that value is strongly tied to youth and fertility, and those things don't improve with time - just the opposite.

Meanwhile, men, whose value in their 20s is, on average, very low, and have very little leverage if they aren't a popular actor, pop star, athlete, or model, because their value is heavily based on their social status and resources, which for most men are very low in their 20s, rises in their 30s and 40s and their SMV overtakes women and remains higher for the rest of their lives. This is why so many older men date younger women: because they CAN.

Why am I sharing this with you now? Because I urge you to take relationships seriously and get to work quickly if a serious, long-term relationship - and especially if family and children are important to you. Your value is still very high to the market of men, so you have a huge range of choice available to you right now - but your value on that market is literally dropping by the day, and in not very long, you're going to hit the crossing point, and then things will be VERY different. You might not notice at first, but it catches up to you pretty fast, much as it caught up to this woman:

https://www.youtube.com/embed/anECwFYnyh0

This woman can see that things don't work the way they used to only a few years earlier, but she is in complete denial as to WHY. She can't figure out why men no longer treat her like they did when she was 25, when she could do no wrong and when men responded to her every whim. She's got a long, long list of requirements for a man - something she could demand when she was 25 and GET - and she hasn't figured out that her SMV "bank account" no longer sits at $20M, but more like $10,000, and she's still shopping for mansions, and can't figure out why no one wants to even talk to her about a sale.

Don't be her.

Dargil · Accepted Answer

You've missed out on nothing.
Say I took delivery on a new Maserati in 2015. It had been test driven at the factory to be sure everything worked. It likely had a service life of 150,000 miles.

I get panic attacks when I think how long it’s been since I’ve had sex?

Then I stored it in a climate controlled unit with occasional maintenance and starting. What do I have? A New, slightly tested 2015 Maserati. It probably has a service life of 150,000 miles. It and I have missed out on nothing. I'm just getting a late start on driving it. So it is with you. There is nothing to regret. And when you meet that right guy, you still have your entire "service life" ahead of you.

necii · Accepted Answer

Oh no baby 😥 if you’re really willing to have a boyfriend all I’ve got to say is stay patient, the right person will come you, whether it takes 7 weeks or 7 years... but do have fun tho, don’t be scared to go on dates... don’t be scared of allowing ur chemistry to grow with the person you just met (be careful yes, but live your life too).

simonqq · Answer

Yeah I can get that but if that's the case you need to interact with more guys. With time you will find someone if you keep interacting.

I've had one ldr and two sex experiences and I felt so lonely for so long but the truth is that I don't interact enough to give me any chance of meeting someone.

LiamSawyer · Answer

Wow... and I thought I had it bad after kicking my cheating fiance out almost ten months ago and not having sex since. I can sympathize thou.

Alexandrubaschet08 · Answer

I'm sorry for you, some time i feel in the same situation. Go to a Jigolo. When i get depresed because of sexual need i go to an escort.

bodukem · Answer

That is a pretty long time I personally went 6 years without sex or relationships it can definitely become stressful all you have to do is go out and have fun don't look for sex don't look for relationships just let that stuff happen naturally because no one likes desperation