Guys, does it kill the mood if your girlfriend wants to plan out your first time having sex with her?

I cannot picture myself having spontaneous first-time sex with a new partner where we just escalate a typical makeout session without any prior planning. I would be more open to spontaneity once we’d already had sex, but for our first time after we confirmed that we were both ready I would at least need some time to get on the right form of birth control. I would like to make sure I’m wearing something I like too, even if it’s coming off quickly and he doesn’t care much about clothes or lingerie, because I’ll feel more relaxed and confident with the right outfit. And maybe there would be a particular place we want to go or a particular thing we want to do beforehand. I’d feel more comfortable if I knew I was prepared and sex wasn’t suddenly sprung on me, but would it turn guys off if I wanted to make these preparations before our first time together?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • A lot of what makes a sex session so good is a large piece, spontaneity. Your smart to be considering all those things your first time, and make sure you use protection, even if you have birth control just be sure, but let the actual session happen organically.

    Everyone has a plan in their heads of exactly how it will go down but it never goes quite the way anyone every actually does. Plan a time, place (I'd recommend back of a car, or your bedroom when you have the place to yourself because last thing you want is someone ease dropping during your first time). Don't show him what you are wearing ahead of time and take is slow. There is now rush at all. Communicate this with him too as he will probably be a lot more nervous than you may expect or he may let on and try to rush into the main event. Let the moment happen organically and enjoy it.

    And fair warning, get him to eat you out for I do mean this quite literally a full hour in advance and make him work for it. Also use lube the first time (usually you won't have to but the first time is recommended to be more comfortable).

    Good luck and happy hunting.

  • The desire to have sex comes from an emotional and primal place. When you start to think about when and where to have sex with your partner, you remove the emotional high you get when you and your partner just click and start making out.
    If you make sex just another thing to be planned out, as an act that you are looking forward to rather than just letting it happen, you’re treating it less like a time to make passionate love and more like an appointment that needs effort to attend to.

    Passion from a man is spontaneous, and it’s triggered by certain cues that need a natural order of events to happen to feel real.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Yeah. It will most likely feel forced and unnatural. Good luck though.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I'm 100% with you plus I insist we both get tested. I don't do casual sex. I'm kinky so we need to talk about limits as well.

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  • I mean both partners should have an interest in how they have sex. Spontaneous sex is fine but if you dont actually organize something special from time to time I feel it would just get bland and I would hate to be the only one doing it. It would feel like I was the only one that cared.

  • Absolutely not, probably would be more excited even. It sounds sweet and special:)

  • Would be annoying but meh

  • Nope it's OK its not a turnoff
    But I think it is huge turn on for most guys because it's shows that their partner is ready and want to take next step in a relationship.

  • I "liberated" two Virgins. One was impulsive and spontaneous. I learned from that. The second was planned. We talked like team mates solving a mutual problem. The setting and mode of dress were important. But to be blunt, she was a barely one-finger virgin and we more focused on performing the actual deed itself to minimize trauma and to make her first inning the best it could be.

  • No. Whatever would make you relaxed and excited is a good idea. For some girls that’s planning all the logistics. For some that builds it up too much pressure and they’re better off just sliding into it one day when the oral/grinding and touching has driven them crazy.

  • A lot of guys will think it’s romantic

  • In other words, you're saying that you'd like to have at least about 3 dates with the guy. This would confirm that he is indeed interested in you. This would also allow you to prepare yourself both mentally and physically as it would also give you the time to doll up properly.

    I have to add that I did not understand what you meant from the question alone. I thought you meant you wanted to form a whole battle plan just as he was about to enter you. Whiteboard out of nowhere, drawing of penis and a vagina with an arrow, implying that the penis penetrates the vagina. Time stamps of when the penetration happens and at which time do the positions switch for maximum pleasure depending on your partners penis size and your erogenous zones to achieve climax and it's predicted time of achievement. Check boxes for cuddling after sex, just a smoke, or leaving the money on the table and leaving.

  • For me is a NO, it will be olso bether for me to no masturbate knowing that in that day i will have sex. Olso if she want to positions my expectetions in sex will gorw.

  • Personally I don't believe in planning for things like that I like it better if it happens more natural and a little unexpected if I go into a date with the mindset that I know I'm getting laid afterwards then that's the only thing that's going to be on my mind which in my opinion could ruin the date just because everyone wants to rush to get to the end game

  • You're simply not ready.

  • Nah cos if youve planned it qll out it means that you are ready and we are deffinately gonna get some pussy 😂

  • absolutely.

    i mean i understand you're trying to kill the nervousness and the insecurity by planning it out but that just kills everything that's nice about sex.

  • Not just yes, but BIG fucking yes. Like what's even the point if it doesn't happen organically and in-the-moment? We aren't robots.

  • I'm into bdsm so this is never the case. We discuss kinks, limits, things we'd like to try, things completely off the table, safewords, etc. Sometimes draw up a contract too. I like to take my time making sure the girl is 100% comfortable because it's even annoying when she quits in between.

  • My first time was planned by me. He didn't mind.

  • For me i prefer planning. Helps me feel more relaxed

    How if you mean you count minutes then yes thatt would kill to mood. But if its. Something like "start with making out then i want you to undress me" etc. For me that can actually aid me

  • The first time I had sex was spontaneous in timing but planned in action.

  • Naw, sex is better with blue prints and a how-to manual.

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