Sexual Relationships
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Why do I feel bad after casual dating and does it mean I should stop?

I am very new to sex in general.
I am a very emotional and insecure person and I have been hurt badly by the guy who was my first everything and almost relationship so I can't think about trying to love someone new right now.

But I still want to know more about sex and not feel like I am missing out on something at my age everyone else doesn't.

So I started to think about casual dating but I was worried I'd feel used and unimportant. Since I am insecure about my person and looks, basically everything, and I get hurt easily, am very emotional and not confident.
I thought I could become more sexually confident and less insecure with casual dating but I don't know. I ask myself what do I want. I want validation basically. That I am not useless and still have worth (after I got hurt last time). But I don't know If casual dating can give me satisfaction. Sometimes it feels like I would be doing something wrong, I don't know.

I haven't had sex yet but met with a couple guys and I never get negative response about myself but I still feel insecure. And they didn't fit me I thought. I wasn't attracted and moved on. But after being too frustrated I just went with it and made out with another man I met, it didn't go further than kissing, touching and a handjob. I was not really into it. But I don't know if it was because I wasn't really attracted to him eather or if I just don't like it casually in general. I am just so confused.

I felt empty after doing this stuff. I want to meet with someone I really am attracted to but it didn't work out till now.
Did I just have bad luck or do you believe I am not fit for this?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I think, you need to figure yourself out first before you jump into dating, casual or otherwise. I guarantee that you will feel empty and used if you do casual dating and casual sex.
    I highly suggest you find a good therapist and have them help you with your feelings, your past, your emotions, and how to handle rejection, disappointment, and casual sex, if that is what you are wanting to do.
    Going the route you are on will only lead to more disappointment and feelings of low self worth.

    • Thanks for the MHO> I hope you are mending... :)

  • You do NOT have to live like this. Instead of investing in clothes and bar tabs, invest in some therapy and get back your self respect.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • From your description I think casual dating is just not for you. To me it sounds like it's much more important to find a person you're comfortable with first, and then getting to the sexual stuff. This doesn't mean you would have to be in a relationship or anything, friends with benefits might be an option. As long as you first find a person who makes you feel valued and appreciated.

    • Yes this would be ideal to me. I am honestly more conservative hence not much experience till now. I do tell the men I meet I am not for a one night stand and want to feel a connection first even if it's not romantic. Some are turned of some don't. But still I never got a spark when I met these men and that made me so frustrated I just went along with it this one time even though I wasn't sexually attracted. So I am not sure if I will like it when someone comes along who actually turns me on but I don't know when this will happen.

    • @melonx try to keep meeting new people, without necessarily searching for someone. I found that when I stopped actively searching I met people who I really connected with. If guys are put off by you not wanting to do stuff immediately that's absolutely not something you should give a damn about. They're often not the kind of person who can give you the feeling you're searching for. That said, when you do meet the right person, don't be surprised if you both want to do stuff sooner than you initially expected. When the connection is there, just go with the flow :)

  • It's neither a bad luck or something you should blame yourself for. Good thing you went and found out on your own that casual stuff isn't meant for you. But realize this that it's not bad to be single either. Do it with someone you'd feel comfortable. Don't push yourself into doing it with random people and regretting later. Date around, find out someone to share the kind of bond you'd be comfortable with enough to get sexually intimate.

    • Yeah but everytime I think about dating seriously again I think about "him" and it makes me miserable. I can't turn it off. And after being sexless for a quarter of my life I just didn't want to let it go on.

  • I personally think you don't like the idea of casual dating because you feel like you are used or not important
    So your are feelings uncomfortable with idea of casual dating so I think you should stop it.

  • "I felt empty after doing this stuff."

    You answered there yourself already. You feel empty, because it's shallow and superficial and not what you want.

    • Yes partly so, but I am not sure what I think honestly. I felt nothing in the moment. Kissing just felt mechanical and I didn't feel excited at all. But I still wonder if I find someone who really attracts me and fits me personality wise will it feel different? I think should wait and not do more with guys who don't excite me untill that happens.

  • You may feel like bad because of experienced any trouble by a guy. But life is not over yet. Having sex is not everything. So, try to hide yourself for a true love.

  • Well not all people like casual dating. I surely don't. I prefer a more serious relationship. Its always nice to have some fun but don't force. yourself to have a sex with random people if you don't like it

  • You meet a lot of duds before you find the stud.

  • don't fall in the hole. Once you have sex with someone that you aren't spiritually bonded with, it's hard to go back... you will just jump from cock to cock after that and never enjoy life.

    Fuck your friends, fuck the culture, fuck wondering whether or not you are missing out, listen to your heart

  • Let me tell you nowadays people are not fall in love they are just fall for attraction, so first find love not attraction 😄

  • you need more emotional fullfilment, its normal dont be weirded out by it, people are emotional beings.

    • Yes I want that too. But I am still hung up on this one guy emotionally and I don't want to give him that much thought anymore. Yet still I can't move on to the next one with my feelings. And I thought it would be unfair to get into something serious again and still think he would never be as good as the last guy. I am not a bad person. I don't want to use someone's feelings to get over it. So I thought casual dating would not have this problem since it's clear from the start that it's not a commitment and nobody has to promise anything. But yes I do lack emotional validation at the moment. But I was hoping to find it with friends or family but not yet.

  • Go to God he can help you

    • You mean she has to die!!

    • Nope just pray

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