Sexual Relationships
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My boyfriend is too rough in bed it’s scary?

My boyfriend and I are in a great place we love each other and all but this guy is so rough it hurts me like he loves putting me in pain all the time and he has a high sex drive 2 or 3 times a day I don’t mind but the pain hurts me. Don’t get me wrong I don’t mind a little pain here and there but my boyfriend is way to extreme like he slaps me hard in the face all the time he bites my neck and all over my body it’s legit covered in hickeies and when I scream stop to him he doesn’t stop until I hurt him to get him off me like I pinch him to get him off me and I cry all the tine and try to leave but he pulls me back and says it’s all for fun and games don’t be a pussy.( excuse my language) but the worst he does is he chokes me he’s a boxer and really strong in general and he always grabs my neck and chokes me I scream for him to stop or try to get him off me but he still continues and when he stops I cry and tell him it’s too much he says I like it when you beg for mercy and blah blah and one time recently he chokes me while biting my lips really hard that I passed out like I legit fainted from the pain and choking and I woke up he said I was fine for 2 minute and I was so afraid of him I don't know what to do my lips were bleeding and I’m in pain How do I talk to him and tell him to relax I’m such a nice girlfriend like even in general I like to make people happy by saying yes to everything they say but I have to stop for him his hurting me...
1 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • He needs to go ASAP.

    Look: I am going to be honest with you... It's just a matter of time before you leave him no matter how much you and he "are in a great place [and] we love each other". If he keeps up this behavior, you personally will no longer be "in a great place". Unfortunately, he will not ever change, because this is a natural part of his sexuality. Thus, long-run, you will be unhappy and want out. The sooner, the better.

    I don't like saying this, but your situation is the perfect example of why sexual chemistry is so critical. I've said this numerous times: If the couple is young and the relationship is perfect outside the bedroom, if there is a sexual chemistry mismatch inside the bedroom, then the relationship is doomed to fail. This seems to be what is your situation.

    I am sorry. You can talk to him all you want, but, in the long run, one of you is going to be happy because of this sexual chemistry mismatch.

    ============

    I am going to try and explain in a different way...

    Sex is about selfish joyful release.
    You want to and need to be your true selfish self and have your partner accept that.
    Similarly, your partner needs the same thing.
    Sex is supposed to be selfish fun; not work.

    With that in mind...

    If to get you off requires your partner to not be his true selfish self, then he is no longer having fun. He has to be an actor and act. Acting is work. Acting is not fun in sex. The purpose of sex is to the furthest thing from work as possible, so if one has to act during sex, then one is not getting the benefits one should from sex.

    Similarly, if you have to act so he can get off, then you are robbing yourself of the benefits of sex. Sex with him becomes work from you having to be an actor. That's not fun and you are not getting the release from sex that you need.

    Understand?

    Right now, you are acting - you are there accepting is abuse during sex. You don't like it, but are putting up with it for him. He gets to be selfish and enjoy sex the way he wants which is to be an abusive dominator.

    If you complain to him that he needs to tone it down, then he needs to act. He can no longer be his selfish self enjoying sex. He compromising for you.

    >>>>> Sex should never be a compromise!

    And so, he would no longer be happy in sex as much as he is now.

    Do you understand?

    You two are in something economists call a Pareto Optimal situation. The only way one of you can get happier is that the other one will be sadder.

    So, bottomline, you two have a sexual chemistry mismatch. In the long run, the two of you will be unhappy in the bedroom. At my age, that's OK. It your age, it's not.

    Move on. No amount of talking is going to save this.

    • Hi thank you for the message you sent I really appreciate it and learned so much so thank you it was definitely eye opening and very true of what you said and your right in the long run it won’t be great and I have to get rid of him ASAP

  • HEY LISTEN TO ME ,, OUT OF EVERY QUESTION I HAVE EVER ANSWERED ON HERE THIS IS THE ONE YOU. YOU YOU NEED TO LISTEN AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT IF YOU DONT, SOMETHING BAD WILL HAPPEN. NO MORE CHOKING NOOOOOOO MORE WHEN HE IS CHOKING YOU ALL HE HAS TO DO IS MOVE HIS HAND THE WRONG WAY ONE TIME AND YOUR FUCKING DEAD THIS IS NOT TO SCARE YOU THIS IS TO STOP HIM FROM DOJNG IT ONE MORE TIME IF YOU ALLOW HIM TO DO THIS TO YOU 1 MORE TIME ITS ON YOU
    Listen to me please I see things I feel things ,, We all know things before they happen you just told me what us going to happen to you sometime very soon PLEASE STOP,,, TELL HIM TO STOP IM SORRY THAT M EVEN SAYING THIS BUT PLEASE SEND ME A MESSAGE if your not going to send me a message I'm going to tell you this everyday people are just having fun a Good time and something goes wrong when chocking someone all it takes is a wrong move straight on to the right to the left with very little pressure and your dead and he going to prison look up how many times this fun time has turned bad Please stop TELL HIM HE can't DO IT ANYMORE

    • Thank you please read it again I just want you to understand just no more CHOKING look up on line how many people have died because done wrong it's not meant to happen but it has and I don't want to say the other part just please stop

Most Helpful Girls

  • This is really serious problem here
    You should tell him nicely and slowly to him and make him understand you and tell that it's not good doing that in relationship and if anyone around you know this he could be in jail because this sexual-abuse or rape already but if he don't want to or not listening to you, you should break up with him I know you love him but this is you own good. You should thinking about yourself too

  • Fucking hell, this pathetic mentally deranged lowlife needs arresting immediately, before he either very seriously injures you, or sadly kills you.
    For fucks sake GET OUT whilst you still have your life intact.

    • Thank you for the MHGirl.

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 18

  • You are not a nice girlfriend, you are what I would call a stupid girlfriend.
    If you do not to be treated like that by your boyfriend, then say no and set limitations.

  • You have to get away from him. Period. If you don't like this, you can't be with him. I believe he had or still watching porn and seems like this is ingrained in his mind and he can't change easily. In other words he won't be able to change I think. So better is to stop being with him as soon as possible. Good luck!

  • Another girl been raped and not realizing it :/

  • He is Raping you.

    I think you should either sit him down and talk to him or dump him.
    because slapping in the face , biting , choking , and just not listening to your call to stop are just signs that he doesn't love you. He doesn't care about you. He is just lusting over you and for him you are just a piece of meat.

    Its basic rule of any relationship to ask before doing something to your partner. You ask them beforehand whether they like it or not. My ex liked it rough , she wanted me to choke her but asked her and she said yes thats the only reason I could do that to her

    There were many things she didn't like. For eg anal or bondage. I asked her she said no. I listened to her. I didn't just forced her into it just because I can

  • It's time to leave and remove yourself from this situation. It's just a matter of time before does worse to you or accidentally chokes you too much and ends your life. He is not going to change, so get that idea out of your head. Leave while you still can.

  • You DON'T love each other. Don't lie to yourself.

  • If he won't listen to you asking him to calm it down then you'll have to decide wether you accept it or leave. accepting it dosent sound like something you want

  • I am an experienced BDSM player. You need to one of two things. A signal system such as traffic light... green = keep going, amber = ease up a bit and red = stop now. If he ignores any, specially red then the other option is dump him cos anyone who ignores safe words in sex is in my view selfish and even dangerous

  • he does not love you. he is a manipulative and abusive asshole. you need to leave him but be careful in doing so. what he is doing pretty much boils down to raping you, physically and sexually assaulting you, possibly a form of kidnapping, and unlawful imprisonment.

  • I can understand that is scary.
    You need to fiirmly have a conversation with him about how he's making you feel scared and in pain.
    He has to be considerate about you too, otherwise that's boderline abuse.

  • He’s either a sadist or he thinks you get off on it. I’d talk to him about it in case it gets much worse.

  • its not a good relationship this. you have either to talk about this and decide something together or you should eventually broke up. this is violence.

  • For the sake of argument I'll assume you're not trolling us. What you're describing is abuse and you can report him to the police for assault. At the very least you need to remove yourself from the situation

    • No love I’m not trolling or faking but I get what your saying but my dumbass never saw it as abuse I always thought of it as a kinky fetish or something and your right I’ll leave cause he’s too much to handle

    • I mean yeah, kink is when you both enjoy it and you set limits and have a safeword.

  • Don't do anything hurt you

  • Well get out now before you really get hurt

  • No... it's not scary

  • That is sexual abuse and you need to get away from him and possibly report him. That is not good and he needs to realize that.

  • Leave him is probably your only choice because he obviously isn’t stopping or listening to you and you may end up dead

  • You do look like you need to bear with it. It will make you stronger I guess!

  • You dont, you leave him, because you aren't sexually compatible and you are never going to be.

    • Also, what he is doing by the way is raping you and that guy belongs in a prison

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