Stay or Go? Unhappy in Marriage?

[Anonymous]

Part of me says I should be understanding. Most of me says he’s abusive and I should go.
Long story short:3 kids, 10 years, military spouse. My husband came on strong to ME saying I was the love of his life. I found out 3 months into it he was cheating. He blamed distance. Then I found a hidden computer. He said he just wanted ‘something of his own.’ We almost never have sex though I work out and try to be attractive, ask, wear lingerie, am open to his fantasies. He doesn't call me, ever, won't go on dates, ignores birthdays, our kids, anniversaries. Basically we dont exist. I've also found 4 chat apps hidden, multiple hook up accounts, multiple emails, random calls and texts from other women, sex toys he’s hidden or even stolen from me that were ours he hid in his car.
He has an excuse for everything, says the hook up accounts were not his though password resets went to his email, claims the chats were for online game points and emails for porn. He says he doesn't know what to do for dates. He refuses to allow my access to his emails, passwords, or to call our kids. He always promises to change but as soon as I take him back he gets worse.
He blamed no sex on my vaginal appearance after kids. I had rejuvenation- we had one-sided sex, under the promise he would be loving. He immediately forgot our anniversary and when I realized I was pregnant just commented he thought it safe. I miscarried. He didn't even ask if i was ok.
He admits he lied about loving me so id marry and have kids, but swears he DOES love me. Most recently we were to go out on our first date ever- he changed it to him cooking at home. I got upset, he promised to make reservations but never did. He sees my tears- he just won't make any effort despite his promises.

[MrCanada]

I’m confused your account says under 18. I will assume that is a mistake. I think from what you have said you know what you have to do. This doesn’t sound like a happy environment to be in for your self and your kids. You have to move on. Go find happiness. Everyone deserves that

[AustinMan]

I take it your age group as specified is wrong since it means you were married at 8 or younger?

[SueShe]

Honestly?

To me, this post comes across as a scam/spam.

You being under 18 and having been married for 10 years with 3 kids makes you the victim of a pedophile and supporting parents for allowing a man to marry you at age 7.

[Asker]

Yeah- I just downloaded the app and am figuring it out. It’s not spam. Genuine question- after 10 years I feel really torn.

[Asker]

by the way I am early 40’s.

[SueShe]

I would suggest you contact GAG and ask them to correct your age because you might be asking for trouble with sexual questions at your given age.

[SueShe]

As an update to my earlier post, I would say that your husband has a number of issues that would best be addressed by a specialist in a number of counseling sessions. You should be part of those sessions as well. Now, I don't know if his military background has an impact on his behavior or if he was stationed abroad and subjected to combat missions which could also be a reason for his actions. There is obviously a lack of communication of his part and a failure to admit any wrongdoings. Guys usually put up a wall when caught and will deny everything at first. My recommendation is that you prepare a list of issues that you see within your relation and to each issue, you bring up a solution to the problem. Ask your husband to do a similar list, independent from yours. Thereafter, you sit together and go over both lists trying to find a consensus that is acceptable to both parties. The important thing is not to be angry or accusing because that would not only falsify the outcome but make things only worse. Good luck.

[Avicenna]

No way. It's worst for the kids, but you can't be expected to deal with all that. How awful.

[DiversityHire]

I'm sorry.

[White_pearl]

Easy to choose rules, if you like to dishonor her or him every time or can't live without harming her or him then leave, stay when you can't stay without loving him or her without harming.