Stay or Go? Unhappy in Marriage?

Part of me says I should be understanding. Most of me says he’s abusive and I should go.
Long story short:3 kids, 10 years, military spouse. My husband came on strong to ME saying I was the love of his life. I found out 3 months into it he was cheating. He blamed distance. Then I found a hidden computer. He said he just wanted ‘something of his own.’ We almost never have sex though I work out and try to be attractive, ask, wear lingerie, am open to his fantasies. He doesn't call me, ever, won't go on dates, ignores birthdays, our kids, anniversaries. Basically we dont exist. I've also found 4 chat apps hidden, multiple hook up accounts, multiple emails, random calls and texts from other women, sex toys he’s hidden or even stolen from me that were ours he hid in his car.
He has an excuse for everything, says the hook up accounts were not his though password resets went to his email, claims the chats were for online game points and emails for porn. He says he doesn't know what to do for dates. He refuses to allow my access to his emails, passwords, or to call our kids. He always promises to change but as soon as I take him back he gets worse.
He blamed no sex on my vaginal appearance after kids. I had rejuvenation- we had one-sided sex, under the promise he would be loving. He immediately forgot our anniversary and when I realized I was pregnant just commented he thought it safe. I miscarried. He didn't even ask if i was ok.
He admits he lied about loving me so id marry and have kids, but swears he DOES love me. Most recently we were to go out on our first date ever- he changed it to him cooking at home. I got upset, he promised to make reservations but never did. He sees my tears- he just won't make any effort despite his promises.
Stay or Go? Unhappy in Marriage?
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