So, how many kittens have YOU killed?

Question

Highest and lowest numbers win. But extra extra points for creative wording!

billytrash · Accepted Answer

I had just lost my wife my house and all my friends and had noone to turn to but a little baby girl to protect. Usually having a daughter is s something to be happy about and I was in love with her for sure. But I was also really broken inside. One particular day while she was napping I had time to think about my life and was feeling really sad and helpless. Then I saw that cat, he was a stray that had been living in the shed. He had just woken up to the brightest most beautiful morning and was sitting in the doorway of the shed licking his paws in a beam of warm sunlight that had seemingly appeared just for him. He was perfectly conten. I've never felt so much hate well up inside me so selfishly do fast. " Why is it I feel so uneasy? How is it that he feels fine? My eyes were green with jealousy my soul was filled with hate. It actually made my stomach physically twist and in a rage I marched off into the house at I grab that old rifle. My heart was pounding now shaking my chest. And a list for blood and satisfaction. I raised the rifle to my shoulder and took aim. Now I wish I could say I had a change of heart and lowered that gun, but if it's the truth you want it's far far word. A little voice in my head chimed up and I actually felt a tap on my shoulder. I even turned my head to see who it was. Nobody there. But the voice was "what the hells gotten into you don't..." I pulled that trigger with hate in my heart 💔. And the second I did fire spit from the breech of that gun straight back into my eyes. Blinding me temporarily in one eye it looked like a cartoon 🌟 and gave me a black eye. But the bullet hit its mark but that cat wasn't dead it had a hole right between his eyes but it was making the most horrible noises and thrashing around. The backfire had brought me back to reality and realizing what I had done I knew that I had to at the very least put it out if it's misery. That cat wouldn't die. I shot it half a dozen times in the head before it stopped making that noize and writhing around. It was horrifying it was horrible it was exhausting. And it was so unessesary and shameful. It was the worst thing I've ever done, and for the worst reason. I am truly sorry.

Anpu23 · Accepted Answer

Not only have I killed countless kittens (by countless I mean of course 2,056,597,654) as a former porn star I am directly responsible for at least 7 additional kitten deaths... Then add in the fact that I make adult games that adds at least 250,046 unfortunate loss of kittens and lastly their's the fact that I made adult leather and metal toys and though most of these are used in non kitten-acide activities. Many of my toys were worn on very sexy people who I am certain are responsible for an additional number of poor kitten losses... This number is 34,657,987 of course. For a grand total of

2,056,597,654
7
250,046
34,657,987. +
_________________
2,091,505,694 🐱
Kitten gravestones that atr directly at my feet.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Lol, I stumbled across this picture online YEARS ago (Like at least 13-14 years ago; I was maybe 11-12 at the time, and very innocent) and this was how I learned what masturbation was. I showed this to my parents and asked, and my dad just immediately said "ask your mom". 😂

Karin_Anna · Accepted Answer

Did you not know that I go by the nickname of "Karin the kitty slayer!" ?

Itsok2behapp-e · Answer

I haven't killed any. I replied to a post on catfishing yesterday and it horrifies me to think cats are being fished for the pleasure of humankind :-(

I dread to think how many poor kittens have been thrown into the water and left to die as they couldn't swim nor survive the currents that swept them out to sea only to end up in the tummy of a Blue Whale!

So that's a zero from me. I've not fished for cats/kittens so I can safely say zero.

NamerOfStars · Answer

You had me worried for a second there; I was wondering why anyone would actually kill a kitten. To the question itself, I'm clearly not part of the equation; the world still has kittens in it.

Daniela1982 · Answer

You guys will meet Karma when you see all these kitties in the afterlife and they use your face and yap as their litter box. Kitty croutons for lunch anyone? In your face sucka!!

hellionthesagereborn · Answer

If this was true, I have killed all of them (I've been single for ten years now, I definitly commited kitten genocide. Those poor poor kittens.).

MissDawn7961 · Answer

liar , liar pants on fire ! the vengeance of the Lord is up on you now

blank_expression · Answer

It’s terrible but one crawled up in the engine in the winter where it was warm and when started , kitty everywhere under the hood. Another went to sleep under a tire and well that didn’t feel good. So, while the question is meant to be humorous, trust it is not.