Girls, how to bring up my submissive side and desire to be her slave to my new girlfriend?

[StrangeGuy1997]

What is the best way to express my desires to my girlfriend?
We are together for 3 months and now, when sex is on the table, I need to tell her what turns me on.
I am not attracted to vanila lifestyle at all, especially in bedroom, and I don't know how would she react when I tell her.
She means to me soo much, and I would not like to lose her.
I am pretty inexperienced, never was in this position.
I only had one "relationship" with much older woman than me for 5 years.
Basically, I do not have idea how to admit such a thing to her...

[AmandaYVR]

Hi StrangeGuy,
You invited me to this q. I honestly would have passed it by, if not, because I don't entirely understand your writing and depiction of the situation, but you are from another country and I can see you are really asking for help here so let me try and write something.

You are 23, are sexually active, but this relationship is 3 months new, and you have never had a real relationship, and struggle to find the words to talk about intimacy.
You like this girl and want to make this work. Yet you have tastes that fall outside of the ordinary/basic. I have to admit, I wonder why are you this way, already advancing beyond basic sex, and knowing you will not be satisfied with that. Too much porn? You need to work on communication and true intimacy, not wham bam sex. It can become a real problem when what satisfies you needs to be amplified, and the basic connection of really caring about someone, being very attracted to them, is not enough. I do feel a bit bad for you.

The answer to this is not simply to talk to your girlfriend and hope that she is into the same exact things (extremism, BDSM, etc.) as you are. I think you need to try and connect with her, and go inside yourself to get in touch with your emotions. If you really do love someone and are compatible, this stuff is not so much an issue. She may actually be able to teach you a few things about intimacy and connection.

I recommend that you do some online research about tantric sex and breathing. You may need to dial down your expectations and sex drive, rather than hoping that you can get her to dial up, and match yours.

I know that many people nowadays want to label themselves either sub or dom or switch. I think this is a mistake. It's boxing yourself, and everyone in. Can you truly say that you would be willing to give up the girlfriend that you care about, over her potential lack of interest in dominating you? Think about that.

[SueShe]

The way I see it is that you have basically already cheated on her for 3 months.

You let her believe that you were okay with normal, every day intercourse like the entire world practices it.

Now, 3 months into the relation, you come up with fantasies and kinks that are probably not acceptable yet you have misused her trust and faith for all that time.

If you have kinks, perversions or anything that is abnormal, then you should have told her upfront before you were intimate for the first time in order for her to sever the relation on time. Now, all you will achieve is to hurt her emotionally by showing a face of you that she is not familiar with. That, to me, is a total breach of trust.

I believe it would be best to end this relation because a relation that is built up on lies is not something that will last.

[StrangeGuy1997]

I really like her like a person. We still did not have sex. I have some issues erection. I only got down on her few times... But I am not very comfortable speaking about all that here. If you are ok with that you can send me PM

[SueShe]

Just be man enough to mention your kinks and fantasies before you are intimate for the first time. However, this topic should have come up the instant you two started talking about intimacy because you probably led her onto a path where the only option out are lies until the truth comes to light. Of course, you risk to lose her but this is a risk you have to take if you want to build up your relation on honesty.

[StrangeGuy1997]

As I said, I never had girlfriend and I was surprised she is interested in me. She really means a lot to me and I really care about her feelings. I want her to stay with me but I still want to tell her the truth

[SueShe]

You mentioned that you had an experience with a relationship with a much older woman, therefore, I must conclude that you have some kind of experience when it comes to intimacy. You just have to be open with your problem. She is more likely to thank you to be honest beforehand rather than to confess once you are no longer satisfied with how the situation is developing.

[StrangeGuy1997]

I was submissive to her, we did not have sex...

[laraWM]

Just tell her, if she really likes you, she'll understand

[LEETSBEREAL]

Ask her if she is a Dom, Sub or Switch. If she doesn't know explain what all three are if you need help explaining use google and help her work out which one she is. Then tell her which one you are. If you really care for each other you both might need to compromise. If You're both Subs then you might both need to switch. If she is a secret Dom that's all good if she is a full Sub I don't know what this means for your future I would hope the two of you could remain friends as it seems you both have a strong bond. Let me know how it goes I hope it goes well

[StrangeGuy1997]

yes, thanks a lot, i will do exactly that thanks <3

[Avaemmaa]

Just tell her. Being open is the best policy.

[SphynxUK]

This really could have been hinted at in the getting to know stage. They way she would have had time to think about it.

I don’t know about other people, but I prefer to be told anything in a straightforward manner.
Let her see whether she wants to try some simple things with you. You may have to meet her halfway.

[NaughtybyNature546]

Just try, like when nude kissing try to get your dick close to her face if you wana be blown, and maybe like just kiss her all aver to go down, you know just try,

[Gwenhwyfar]

Carefully. She might not be into that.

[JosyJosy]

Ah crap yes that awkward moment. If it was me I'd just want you to tell me.
I would just like ask what eachother's kinks are and go from there. Or things they'd like to try

[Sweetener_]

Just be honest with her like you were with us.

[SueShe]

Honesty does not seem to work since he failed to tell her from the beginning and misused her trust.