Did he assault me?

[Anonymous]

I asked a question a few days ago wondering if you can withdraw consent during sex. Most of the people who responded told me I was actually r*ped, but I don’t know...

What had happened was that my boyfriend wanted to have sex, I didn’t, but he kept pushing it so I just gave in. He was being too rough for me and it was hurting so I told him to stop. He ignored me so I tried pushing him off but he just held me down. I tried a few more times but I wasn’t able to get him to stop so I just let him finish eventually. I mentioned it the next day but he just kinda shrugged me off.

I mean I’m definitely not thrilled about it, but I don't know if it was technical assault since I initially agreed to it. Either way, I’m not looking to press charges or anything like that. I just want to know if this relationship is something I should reconsider.

My apologies if this is a dumb or naive question. Thanks for any input though

[justboredlol]

This sounds like rape. You told him to stop and he blatantly ignored you. You should definitely reconsider this relationship, I hope you find someone who makes you feel comfortable and safe and who respects you. And don’t worry it’s not a dumb question, it makes sense to be a little wary of whether or not it’s rape because it’s your boyfriend, and naturally you think “he wouldn’t do something like that” or “its not TECHNICALLY assault”. Also, if you don’t mind me asking, why don’t you want to press charges?

[Asker]

Thank you. I just... I don't know, I don’t think I’m comfortable potentially ruining his life like it. I don’t know how I could prove something like that anyway

[justboredlol]

No prob. I hope that you get over the event well and recover mentally properly. And also don’t think about him, think about any other women he might do it too as well/already has done to in the past. I know it can be scary and embarrassing but you have to do what you think is right.

[justboredlol]

It’s down to you honestly

[RemoErdosain]

It's not a dumb question. It's natural to feel that way in border situations like this, especially if you think highly of the person who did that in other areas of their personality. That being said, I think you should seriously reconsider if you want to stay with a man who cares so much about his own pleasure that he will completely disregard your existence when having intercourse. That's not loving in any sort of way, and you might as well be "making love" with a stranger at that point (even a stranger might show more love than him). I imagine it's hard when someone tells you they don't want to do it in the middle of sex, because you're already turned on, but especially if they say it's hurting, you should be able to come to your senses and stop. Holding someone down and forcing intercourse when they're clearly pushing you away is completely abusive

[Jakeofalltrades93]

the would be considered rape, but that is honestly up to you. if you feel like you have been violated like that then you should report him. but if you don't you should learn from it. he is probably not the kind of guy you should have a relationship with

[AustinMan]

Yes. The moment you told him you were withdrawing your consent, it became an assault.

[Anno2]

" He ignored me so I tried pushing him off but he just held me down. I tried a few more times but I wasn’t able to get him to stop so I just let him finish eventually."

I think most rape victims would describe the situation like that.

[eatuout6982]

Do you want to be controlled and dominated? If so (and some people do) you are going to deal with abuse. If not get out.