Sexual Relationships
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Where do you draw the line between aggression/rough sex and abuse?

Movie examples include the infamous 50 Shades and more recently, 365 Days. Media like this has glamorized and caused a chain reaction of young people experimenting with aggression.

This guy I’ve been talking to has been suggesting things that make me think he likes this as well. He mentioned scenarios with things like slapping, telling me to “shut up, bitch” and biting hard, etc.

I am worried that this kind of behavior may translate out of the bedroom as well. How do people figure out the line between aggressive or rough sex and abuse or toxicity?
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Superb Opinion

  • The primary distinguishing factor is your consent. If it feels abusive to you, then tell him to stop.

Most Helpful Guy

  • The line in my view is when rougg is done solely to inflict pain for the sake of it and not as a sexual element. Also and the biggest is when safe words are ignored. Sexually rough bdsm sex is amazing but it must be within trust and respect.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Most women like to be handled firmly in bed but some guys confuse it with being aggressive. Usually this is down to lack of experience or being immature.

  • The line is clearly drawn and visible for everyone to see at consent.

    • well yeah, but just because a person consents doesn’t make it any less toxic — people stay in abusive relationships all the time for nuanced reasons. curious to know what people see as the tipping point distinguishing rough sex from something that appears to be a toxic or abusive set-up.

    • That’s a fair point. There are plenty of people out there in abusive relationships. I just don’t think I care that much. I can’t help someone who won’t even ask for it. It isn’t my responsibility, and I’m not going to lose any sleep over other peoples poor decisions. On a personal level, the second someone disrespects I’m gone, no questions asked.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • If they say the safe word and the other person refuses to stop

  • SAFE WORD!! Something you would NEVER SAY, but when playing, erotic things, you need that, if it goes too far!!
    She says that word, and EVERYTHING STOPS!!! Immediately!!

  • depends on what is agreed to in a contract and if safe word was used

  • It's all about consent.

  • If you say no and the other person does it anyway, it's abuse.

  • It's a matter of what both parties will accept. Communication is key. Afraid it will leave the bedroom? Say that. You're talking to the wrong people.

  • If she is willing and she likes it, that's rough sex. If she isn't liking what you are doing, that's rape

  • That is not good. It makes relationship a toxic one, and relationship depends on respect. Even we didn't mean those bad words, it is still going to harm the relationship.

    I felt different about our relationship after calling her bitch while doing it. I loved her, but something changed within me. She knew I loved her. She liked it as she knew I didn't mean those.

    Tho she really is a bitch, she was manipulating me for fun. She deserves much more than that.

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