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Still traumatised after being cheated on. How to heal?

I was diagnosed with PTSD from all this crap. It wasn’t just the cheating, it was the vile mental torture that followed the cheating. My entire relationship was a lie, I trusted, and was stabbed in the back over and over again. When I found out, he shoved the knives deeper in.

I hate using the word “triggered” because it’s a damn meme at this point but I have specific stupid WORDS that make me lose myself. “Nude”, “condoms”, “sexting”, “thick”, “sexy”. Just typing them up I feel my throat burning and closing up. There are smells, there are physical movements, there is so much.

I have panic attacks. Some days I’m better, other days I cannot eat or drink. I have nightmares. I’m a kickboxer and my physique and progress have deteriorated so quickly because I just feel physically broken.

It’s been 7 months and some days. When will it get better?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Don't you have a new boyfriend? How is that relationship feeding into all this?

    A worthwhile avenue might be self-writing. When you feel you need it, write out how you feel, what is making you upset, how you feel about him, how he made you feel, how it is affecting you going forward, how you feel about yourself, how it affects your relationships etc

    A lot of thoughts and emotions 'run in the background', even if you're aware of them, putting your attention so you can be clearer about what is affecting you and what you're thinking about can have a positive effect in terms of integration. In short, seeing the words is a lot more stark and you can reflect on them more, rather than letting things fester. Of course, it depends where you are in all this. It might be too painful. Just a suggestion.

    • By all means, I am over my ex. What he did completely removed HIM from my radar. But I am not over what happened. I’ve been drawing instead of writing, but the creative ideas that come to my mind are just disturbing, other times nothing comes at all, which is rare in my case, I’m very creative. Words are very very “triggering” (hate that word) because of the texts I saw that are still rotting in my mind. Should I just push through it and do it? That’s how I have faced most of my fears, head on.

    • I don't feel like you should push through it. You should be kind and gentle on yourself. If you feel the reactions are too strong, maybe you should leave off. I just personally find it helpful to understand my thought processes. Like I say, it helps unravel things, lessen their grip, but that's me.

      I personally find Teal Swan videos to be very helpful to deal with my 'issues': www.youtube.com/results

      What did he do? Like abuse you mentally and verbally?

    • I'll definitely check her out, seems interesting. I have been physically abused in the past but nothing truly compared to this. I am not a trusting person and he knew how much it took me to give myself to him. I am not being dramatic when I say that I truly have been fucked over way too many times. The way he would make me feel crazy whenever I was suspicious, the way he'd manipulate and gaslight me into thinking that something was wrong with me. Then the truth came out, partly, I was blamed, told that it's my fault I got cheated on, the shit that was flowing out of his mouth didn't even make him sick. The lies, trying to turn my friends against me, having his parents call me and tell me I'm a cunt. He locked me outside of my own house with nothing when it was -10C outside, he shoved me into a closet once and locked me in there too and made fun of me not being all that straight. He acted like he did nothing wrong, his mummy had told him that it's just "puberty". There was so much that happened. I am incredibly naive, I really am very pure and genuine. I really tried after blocking myself out for so long and got shot down in a really vile way, my mind just couldn't and cannot handle it.

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  • It will take time and being around good people who actually care about you. My brother was diagnosed with ptsd as well. He had gotten out of an abusive relationship with his exbf. My brother a golden heart tortured and destroyed by this bastard. He even has issues trying to be vegan because thats what he was for the longest time before his relationship and every time he tries to eat something he loves it brings back the trauma. We are here for you my friend. We will get through it. Have faith and there is hope. *hugs* 💓💓💓🌹🌹🌹

    • This was so precious and really lightened up my morning, thank you. My heart goes out to your brother. Just seeing my little sister sad breaks my heart, I can only imagine what it is like to have a brother go through this. I hope his heart will begin to heal soon enough.

    • Me too. But he is still has episodes. That's why i said it will take time to heal. But you will heal. 😄💓

Most Helpful Girls

  • Wow I’m so sorry girl. Honestly these types of events change anyone. Try to see what you learned from it and try to not contact this person again even if they try to. Block them too forever no matter what.

    I also suggest visualization. It’s a therapeutic technique that helps you revisit every little detail of the situation. Just kind of go over everything from start to finish no matter how painful the details are. Once you do it over and over you’ll start to heal quicker.

    Sending endless love ❤️

    • As a side note I’ve been in a similar situation and it took me 10 months to even start to recover. I’m very sorry for this. If you want you can message me 💕

    • You're so precious, thank you, darling. I'm glad you've reached a better place, this stuff is just vile. I will definitely look more into visualization, how it's done and why. I have always faced my fears head on, no matter how uncomfortable it has been, I think once I am ready I can also throw myself back into the past, this might be the technique for it. Thank you again, you're so very sweet and kind.

    • It is vile... But you’ll get through it. You’re not alone. 💗🤗

  • 7 months is a really long time to still be in so much pain from being cheated on. And you're still having such strong reactions to the situation, because you're having physical things that happen to you just from thinking about it. Was the doctor who diagnosed you with PTSD not able to give you any medication or other therapy to help you with that?

    • That’s what I was thinking too, it’s not normal anymore. I refuse to take medication unless the situation becomes unbearable due to the effects meds have had on me before. I was diagnosed before COVID-19 hit and then everything shut down, getting therapy appointments was difficult and I get to go every 3ish weeks as of now, due to the lack or professionals. The progress is really slow and hasn’t helped me much. So I don’t really know what to do anymore. Betrayal is that ONE thing I am afraid of and it has completely swept me off my feet.

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What Girls & Guys Said

3 19

  • I'm really so sorry that this is happening to you. It will get better when you find the right therapist to help you work through the pain.

  • I'm sorry to hear about your ex. He really is inhuman.
    That said, you should seek professional help asap. The sooner PTSD is treated, the easier it is to overcome.
    I feel besides confronting your fears, you should try to forgive yourself.

  • I’m really sorry you had to go through that. Nobody should ever have to deal with that kind of hurt or pain 😣

    The best way out of it is THROUGH it. Exposure therapy helps, where you gradually expose yourself to triggers and circumstances that make you uncomfortable bit by bit and progressing on until you it doesn’t affect you as badly.

    it will definitely help speed up recovery.

    also, exercise, learning new things, meditation and sleep helps out a lot. When your brain is actively stimulated, well rested, it will boost the creation of new neurons which will definitely help. Give it a try. (Note That this only works in the long term, it had to be a lifestyle adaption otherwise it won’t work)

  • I would recommend talking to a therapist to process your trauma and healing process. I actually went through something so similar as yours except it was different triggers of cheating/abusive relationship. It definitely is hard and difficult. I hated the nightmares and the emotions that was brought up on its own. I’ve learned that sometimes it kind of goes away, but it may never really go away... I think within time, you learned to cope with it better by being able to focus on yourself & redirecting the thoughts/emotions to something positive - being kind to yourself - surrounding yourself with positive and caring support - slowly picking up on what you enjoyed and what you want to enjoy - let yourself feel the emotions yet don’t try to be stuck and dwell on it - talk about it with trustworthy and genuine friends - and it’s okay to not to be okay ❤️ DM me if you want to talk further about it or need someone to listen~

  • Do art! The best art comes from the "best" pain! Use it to your advantage and create some epic shit!

  • Get over it... not being rude this is the answer. Just forget the fool and return to your life. Date men for no purpose than to date... work and work and work some more... drown yourself in work... get that money set goals and focus on them goals... when you complete one set the next goal... life is life you just gotta stay true to what you want and need and keep going.

    Good luck to you!

    • Fake it till you make it.

    • Oh hell no... nothing to fake just keep going... what’s the option? Die? Move on and continue and understand life is gonna be bumpy but you’ll eventually get to a point your happy with if you just keep aiming for your goals!

  • 😟 youve made me remember a friendship with an anxious girl. People don't realise what impact their actions and words have on a person and should think first. Memories take a while to fade, but lots of good memories can outweigh the bad.

    • You’re right. Cover this crap up with good people, good places and most importantly good food c:

  • Thats horrible, sry to hear that.
    In case of PTSD is there no general Expiration date. It can take month or years. It also can never go away.

    Working on that with therapy and resuming with normal life is effecting the process the most.

    Unsure if it is PTSD or PTRS but working on it is important part. Nothing solves themselves in that case

  • You need to think of it in terms of years not months and accept that it will never fully go away. It is who you are now, you are damaged goods. Rest assured that you have nobody to blame but yourself for your choice of man. You should question why you were attracted to him and selected him as a partner. Only then can you start to get an honest perspective on it. Don't be too hard on yourself and know that many women are bad at selecting men despite how they prefer to think of themselves. Understand that not all men are the same and surround yourself with people that don't celebrate the flesh as a starting point. It's hard to give more advice without more details.

  • "some" people cheat. it is not fair that this happened to you and it may happen to you again. it's best to consider that "not everyone cheats" and move on with your life. that's a tough reality to live in and if you don't harden up to live in this world, this world will break you. i'm not sure if those words are too harsh but it is what it is.

    if you're diagnosed with PTSD, i'm sure you're seeing a therapist about it. probably not a topic you should talk to internet trolls with.

  • Yes eventually it'll get better.

  • I had a heart break and it took me 3 months to get over it

  • I'm happy for you for getting rid of that asshole, but I think the best thing you can do is too see a therapist for your issues. And get yourself back into kick boxing, even if you have to force yourself.

  • If you've been formally diagnosed, it seems like a good idea to go to a therapist and talk about what happened in detail. Trying to forget about what happened makes things worse. You need to process it.

  • Just to get this straight: Do you mean a past relationship of yours or the one now?

  • yeah... ima stay away from u

  • Hell, I’m really sorry for you 🙁 I can’t know even what to type, Some people are so characterless

    I think getting revenge on him might make you feel better

  • Get another cock in you as fast as you can.. trust me

  • I wish I knew, even though I feel I'm over my ex my life has gone nowhere but downhill ever since we broke up for a couple years now

  • I think you made need to seek professional help if you haven’t already. I’m so sorry that happened to you 😥

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