No, of course not. That's like viewing the victim of a car crash with a drunk driver as a lesser partner - they didn't ask to be abused, and it isn't their fault that they were, and there's no reason to hold that against them in any way.
Everyone encounters bad luck, whether we have something stolen, or vandalized, or broken into, or whether we get sick, or get injured, or lose someone close to us. Some of us are victims of crimes. There's rarely any good reason a particular person is the victim - it's often just random chance, and if it could happen to me just as easily tomorrow or next year, why would I judge someone because it happened to them in the past? That's just not logical.
Now, having said that, it IS true that SOME people knowingly engage in very risky, foolish behavior, even after being warned against it, as if nothing could ever hurt them, and some of them learn the hard way that the world can be a very cruel place. That doesn't excuse the criminals for their crimes in any way, but I may have less sympathy for someone who has been repeatedly warned not to do something foolish and dangerous, and does it anyway, and has bad things happen to them.
If I went into a bad neighborhood at night, on foot, wearing obviously expensive clothing and jewelry, and cashed my monthly paycheck, and then walked down the street in this bad neighborhood counting my cash in full sight of anyone around me, I couldn't really be too surprised if someone eventually beat me up and stole my money. I would still have been a victim of criminals, but you'd have to agree that I foolishly and carelessly increased my risk of being assaulted and robbed because of a series of bad decisions.
Likewise, girls who go to parties with a bunch of guys, and then proceed to get drunk or take drugs, are vastly increasing their risk for being raped or assaulted. The same for girls who will meet up with someone online because he offered booze or drugs, or girls who will go up to some guy's hotel room alone, etc. That doesn't excuse the crime, but clearly she did nothing to avoid it and almost everything to enable it - and that's stupid and sad - and that's what a lot of people try to get some girls to understand.
No. I hope they have gotten help and worked through their trauma. But we all face challenges in life and no one comes into a relationship without skeletons in their closet. Sometimes they are better partners because they have had to mature and know how to set boundaries and communicate.
That being said I do think predators seek out the ‘weak’ and especially those victims who haven’t chosen to heal are more vulnerable to repeated abuse by bad people. So I do think getting help and putting in the work to heal from an abusive situation is essential to not risk another one.
Hell no, I would be the biggest hypocrite ever if I did.
People who say that victims of sexual assault or abuse are "damaged goods" or shit like that clearly don't have the slightest idea of how hard it is to recover from these things.
So very true *hug*
no, of course not. The fact that they were abused is not their fault.
Regardless, it has no effect on their value as a partner.
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!Not at all. The abusers, on the other hand...
Definitely not. Everyone's had a difficult past in some way shape or form and I'd try to be as understanding as possible and help them feel comfortable.
a lot of victims of sexual abuse were abused as children, so why would anyone use something horrible like that in someone's life that they had no control over to consider them any lesser of a person... Anyone who would think or treat someone that way regardless of at what age whether as a child or adult at time of abuse is the lesser person in my opinion
No, I'm not retarded.
Do you mean that they are lesser partners within the abusive relationship, or they would be less desirable as prospective partners to someone else?
The latter
I would want to understand how they got into an abusive relationship and how long they remained once the abuse began. However, I accept women who have flaws and I'm hopeful that they will accept a guy who is flawed.
Yes unfortunately as it can be problematic dealing with emotional problems, depression and the PTSD as well as other hang ups that may or may not come with it.
Abusers and rapists often continue to ruin and destroy their victim's lives for years after.
As a lesser partner? Can you elaborate on what that means?
Sure. Some view victims as though they are damaged goods, or that they aren’t worth loving long term.
Where are you meeting people like that? Sounds like they have some issues of their own they need to sort out
Stuff I’ve heard offline, not from any good people.
Of course not!!! However, as a man it does make me anxious about what their boundaries and comfort level is. I don't want to take advantage of them but at the same time I want to know that I will not be quickly highlighted as an offendering for not understanding her signs or comfort level. I guess I would hope for a clear and open policy that she would let me know when. She does not feel comfortable and i would stop
still equal
Nope. Just a simple Nope.
No..
I don't know if I would use the term lesser, but I do think there are probably added difficulties with dating them. If I was already emotionally invested in them I don't think I would lose interest because of it but if I didn't have feelings for them it might sway me from pursuing them.
No cause I been a victim of sexual abuse, So I would hope a Woman wouldn't think less of me
I don’t think less of you. Nobody deserves that.
@agape93 Thank you )
Anytime hon :)
Nopes
Of course not
For someone who wants to have an exciting sex life with a partner and be having orgys and shit, a victim is definitely not for you
Victims are fragile
No. I don't think there is a correlation there.
You just have to re-introduce them to "safe touch" in a confident, straight-forward manner, and most will be OK. They might even be a better partner because of what they had gone through.
The two that voted yes are assholes.. I've been looked down on by friends and family because im the victim of DV and childhood sexual assault..
I agree... Why attack/blame the victim, that just victimizes them more... Anyone that don't get that, well... Let's just say asshole ain't the word I'd user for someone like that, that's too nice a word in my opinion...
Lesser? No. I certainly understand they have trauma and need a lot of love, patience, and support.
It's not idea, I would prefer to be with someone who wasn't sexually assaulted.
The unfortunate reality is many women have been sexual abused in their life.
If I love a woman, i don't care about her past too much
I would love my love the same as before. How could I think of a victim as lesser.
I would be upset if she didn't listen to me and then that happens
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