Sexual Relationships
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Difficulty with abstinence?

I try my hardest to abstain from casual sex and masturbation. I am able to go months if need be (longest was 16 months!). However recently I had my first casual hook up ever! Drinks were involved and the girl was all over me.
Its been almost 2 weeks since that happened and my sex drive has been turned up to 11!
Its like she jump started something terrible in me :/

I really want to have casual sex again but know its wrong. I find myself fantasizing about it, whenever I lay in bed before my shift starts and during my commute. I keep telling myself its not OK, and I am not ready to have sex or a girlfriend again. I have been trying to focus on work and my hobbies. But nothing seems to be working.

Does anyone have tips on abstaining when your sex drive has been increased 10 fold and you were trying to abstain?
Thank you all for your time :)
2 0

Superb Opinion

  • I'm not a guy but I can only imagine your "jr" has got you craving that feeling of lust after not being physical for a long period of time. I've had those moments of craving intimacy after my last break up. Listening to your urges and masturbating when need to helps. When I'm feeling damn hot and bothered, a shower with the... ahem, showerhead helps and finishing off with a cold shower keeps me at bay.

    When you aren't feeling so bothered, sit with yourself and re-align your morals and values towards sex and relationships, if you really care to abstain, being mentally rooted in what you believe in helps you not give in.

    Overall, don't let those with opposite views/lifestyle influence or change you - spend less time with them or cut them off from your life.

    • You are the best thank you :) Your advice is always great. I really need to pray and meditate on what truly matters to me. Thank you, I just needed to hear it from someone <3

    • Anytime. Glad I was able to give you some insight.

Most Helpful Girl

  • 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭

    im shocked but you know then again not so much
    I have difficulty seeing the issue provided everyone is on board and no one is mislead

    beliefs Aside was anyone actually hurt?

    no I don’t mean to be flippant it’s a real question... of it relieves stress and out a swing in your step and prob will help you be more objective about your next gfs bc you won’t be sex obsessed

    is it really so bad 😐🤔🤷‍♀️

    • No one was mislead. I just feel terrible because that incident went against everything I value! I was tempted by lust :/ And the girl was super cute! If I hadn't had a few drinks my will power would have made me less willing to sin! Its just bad because I wouldn't have had sex with her, if I wasn't drunk. I dont really care about her or love her. I feel like i used her. She doesn't see it that way, she said she enjoyed it! She even wants to meet again. I feel guilty about the whole thing :/ I think its bad for personal reasons. My 2 closest friends which I confided in told me that its all in my head. And that I need to get with the times...

    • I just want to be clear that if it seems I told you to drop your ideals // I’m not saying 😊. I just think it can be helpful to look at things practically and outside of our beliefs just to help revamp the purpose in what we are doing. It’s easier to recognize we believe in what we are doing when we are not guided by guilt shame fear etc. to me if I can see something I feel horrible about didn't actually cares harm, I get a better understanding in his important it is to me and why. And if after all is said and done you feel as you do, I think avoiding hook ups is fairly straight forward lol “Take care of things personally” before and after and sexually stimulating situation and don’t go home with people you are not dating 😂

Most Helpful Guys

  • I recommend going right on ahead and trying. You'll find it's less up to you than you might have first thought, and your belief in abstinence will function as an excellent excuse to tell yourself when you can't find anyone to bang.

    • 😂😂 I mean yeah I think it works that way for most things in life 😛

    • I guess there is only trying my hardest and re-building my will-power! Haha, it will be a good excuse, I never though of it that way :p

  • Having casual sex isn't wrong. Whoever put that idea in your head is wrong. Abstinence is just an excuse to control the population of people and what they do.

    • Maybe wrong isn't the right way to put it. I know its not the idea way things should be! I like to live my life according to what ought to be. Thanks for your opinion though.

    • No problem. :3

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What Girls & Guys Said

3 1

  • Stop drinking alcohol while you’re on these dates. Could you still hooked-up with this girl if you were sober? Hook-up culture on college campuses always has alcohol involved, it makes you shameless.

    • It was a 4th of July party :/ not a date... which made it even worse. I feel like everyone knows A lot of pressure from my old college friends to drink... :/ I would have never done that if I wasn't drunk :(

    • Well, here are some tips, hang out in a public place, don’t go to her place or her come to yours because obviously you know what that means. Try doing activities that are just fun and innocent.

    • Thank you for the advice I don't know if she wants to meet up anymore she texted me to meet up and when I asked if she wanted to go on a picnic, she never responded 😂 Maybe it's best we dont meet up again I dont think she was the type to want to do normal things

    • Show All

  • So far, it seems that people are just saying you don't have to be abstinent.

    If I could give you tips, I would but I don't struggle with abstaining from sex and my libido level is always at 0%

    • Haha they missed the whole point of the question! :p Sometimes I wish my libido was a little bit less. It gets intense sometimes... Thanks for the honesty <3

  • Is it just a willpower issue?

    • Not a willpower issue. I figured it out haha. I had to abstain a bit longer and clear my head by keeping busy and avoiding boredom. I also kept thinking about her because she kept texting me and when she texted me I would think about how we had sex haha. I am good now :)

    • Good for you. I'm on edge for 3 weeks.

    • After a month, it gets easier haha. the 1st month of abstinence is always the hardest in my opinion. Hang in there bro!

  • Masturbate or get a flashlight. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that either is a sin.

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