Should I Stop Wanting To Be The Best Girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

I had a weird talk with my boyfriend earlier this week where I admitted I am self conscious about how I want to be the best he has ever had romantically and sexually. I admitted it's a little naive of me to hope for this but also said it is most likely what everyone secretly hopes to be to their significant other. (Could be totally wrong but it's just a hunch). My boyfriend's response was that it's unrealistic so I shouldn't try to be the best he's ever had (this sentence is weird to write he did not say this in a narcissistic way). But it made me feel stupid and like I had been trying too hard and probably looking like it too. I had also asked him what he thinks the best would look like to him to see if it was so unattainable but he said he doesn't have any sexual or romantic fantasies he has ever wanted fulfilled. He considers this a good thing, says since he has a low bar that I shouldn't try for much more than achieving that. His exact words were "does sex feel good? Check! Do I have romantic feelings for you? Check!" I know it's stupid but it just makes me feel like I'm not that much different than his exes or special and that sex isn't as good to him as it is for me. What should I do? Any advice is welcome.

[egarcia1360]

It's not at all a bad thing to want to please your partner, as long as it doesn't come at the cost of your own happiness. Assuming he was being truthful, it seems he's quite satisfied with you as his girlfriend. While being the best girlfriend he's had is a worthy goal which will keep you working hard to maintain and improve the relationship, you have to make sure you don't beat yourself up every time you feel like you're not living up to that standard. Constantly thinking you aren't good enough can become a self-fulfilling prophecy as your own insecurities wear away at the relationship, not to mention it'll make you unhappy in general. Just put in your best effort without concerning yourself too much about what other people have done in the past.

[boggboss]

Stop overthinking at the end of the day if he is still with you no matter how he words it it must be good otherwise he could have replaced you if he was not happy that in itself shows that he sees this relationship as good

[Asker]

Appreciate your advice!

[boggboss]

Also never judge yourself against his past as at the end of the day from the day you two get together you are already better then said past as you are here and now they are not they got there chance messed up simply dont do the same

[Asker]

Too true, this has been very helpful. Thank you!

[anonymau55]

He's not wrong about it being unrealistic. Don't beat yourself up about it too much, honestly. Of course, it's great to always work on yourself! But do it for yourself; not for him. Trust me. It's much more rewarding to be the person you want to be, not who someone else wants you to be. As for the sex, maybe he's just vanilla and that's okay. Chances are of you could talk him into trying something new you could probably blow his mind but, it's not guaranteed he'll be down or even like it. It may even make things awkward. I hope some of that made sense.

[Asker]

You made perfect sense. Thank you for your input. So far all are positive. Makes me happy 😊

[Alexandrubaschet08]

NO, never stop wanting to be the best girlfriend

[boyfriend1915]

Stop worrying start enjoying