Guys, Best masculinity training advice?

[Chester_Cheeto]

I've always hated how I've been so cowardly. I had only a few good friends throughout school. I was always too scared to do anything to the kids who used pick on me in school. I was too naive back in elementary school to know I was being somewhat bullied by kids. In the 6th grade, a fat dude that was slightly shorter than my picked on my friend. I attempted to stick up for him by telling the dude I was gonna beat his ass if he didn't stop. He stood up tall and waited for me to do something. I felt this emotional pain. It hurt so much that I felt it in my chest. This was the first major signs of fear. He called me a pussy and walked off. He talked about that day again right behind my back while I was listening to music with earplugs. I pretended I couldn't hear him. In the 10th grade, this bigger dude that's experienced in fighting kept saying that my dick was inside out. I told him I was gonna shove his fucking face inside out. He got ready to fight I was just all talk. This continued while walking down the hallway to my next class after the bell rang. I just couldn't throw a punch. I think a bunch of male classmates lost respect for me. Maybe I get picked on like this because of my introversion. Regardless of that, I hate this fucking feeling. It's like when I feel it's my duty to approach a girl or play fight with a dude in front of a lot of people, this pain in my chest keeps coming back again and again. I don't know if this is common fear that people can feel or if it's something else.
I'm getting fucking sick of this. I've started working out on my body in the 10th grade. I started learning self defense and mental health training. I don't ever want to be scared of someone like this again. I've been taking approaches to random strangers more often to make small talk. I'm working on being a more brave and masculine person. I'm keeping my head out of the past.
More in the update.

[RagnarRedbeard]

There's a reason you feel that way.

What you experience just before a fight is what's known as "fight or flight". All animals experience this, it's a survival mechanism. Your brain instinctively perceives the fight as a life or death threat, even if you know it's not. Your body aggressively produces adrenaline, which is why you start to breath heavily, your pulse begins to raise, your knees feel weak and you shake.

The reason your body produces adrenaline is because this helps you to react more quickly, causing an increase in strength, power, speed and pain tolerance. Helping you to either fight harder or run faster and avoid being killed.

It can be used to your advantage. The problem is that you haven't learned how to use it and likely don't even know what's going on like I said. You perceive the shaking as fear, you've never punched anybody before so you don't have the confidence to throw one, but your ego prevents you from running away too, so you just freeze up.

The best way to get over this is to start boxing or something like that. Learn how to fight properly, start sparring, get used to punching people and being punched in the face yourself. Once you do that and you realise that you're not made of glass, you'll get over that fear.

[CoolGuyJoe]

Masculinity isn't about fighting, but part of it is.

You should strive to be a man who knows what he wants from life, how he wants his life to be. Educate yourself and become a capable person who can fill his life with people and activities that he enjoys. Develop your beliefs, morals and ethics, and notice them in other people. You should stand up for what is right, and have empathy for those weaker than you. Look out for those who seek to take advantage, and do what you can in a proper and just way to protect yourself and the ones you care for.

Take care of yourself. Every person has value, and you are no exception. Proper self care (physically and emotionally) will pave the way for you to develop a perspective on life that will guide you without doubt or fear of others. This is what makes men "masculine", even though women are fully capable of the same thing.

You owe it to yourself to be the best version of yourself. Take pride in the person you are, and people will look up to you and find you attractive to be around.

Life presents many opportunities and tools for you to wield and use to pave your own path. Take charge of your life. That's what masculinity is to me.

[MrKinktastic]

Take up wrestling or jujitsu, you should learn to fight so you have the confidence to defend yourself. That said, once you have the confidence you’ll almost never have to actually use the skills since you won’t present an easy target.


Also self growth helps, it sounds like you’ve got a fairly negative self image and are lacking in some skills to cope with these bullies. Therapy is a good option if you have insurance, if not a book like feeling good is a solid option. Jordan Peterson also has good material out for guys looking to mature, 12 rules to life is his more accessible book, he also has a lot of talks on YouTube etc. Jocko has a podcast and a few books that have some decent advice if you’re having troubles with self-discipline.

[Chester_Cheeto]

I've been shadow boxing for about 3 and a half months now. I've been perfecting my punching speed and reflex time. I use tutorials online about sparring though. My mother says we don't have the money and time for a mixed martial arts class right now. My mother says she'll be able to put my in one maybe a month or 2 into the future. As for now, I've been lifting and punching whole holding water jugs, since I don't have any weights. I meditate every other morning. I would go outside if the pandemic wasn't so bad in the US. Am I at a good start?

[MrKinktastic]

Shadow boxing isn’t a bad start, I’d focus on your footwork mostly for now. Taking videos of yourself and comparing it to the instructional footage can help until you can get in to a class. Gracie university and Gokor I think both have online options until you can get into a class. Learning to breakfall is another thing that will help cut down on injuries. No real rush, these are all lifelong skills. Getting in shape will help your confidence as it’s something you have to work hard at and no one can take away from you. You’re off to a great start, keep up the meditation and exercise and you’ve got most of your bases covered.

[Yummycoffemate]

Just dont stick out for friends or no one so no one calls you Bad names. dont pick fights being manly doesn't mean you have to be fighting all the time. People will respect you depending on your personality. i was bullied too a lot and i just ignored it i never stood up for no one so no one ever called me no names.