I was raped by my ex and I need advice?

Anonymous
So we were together for 2.5 years, don't ask my why or how. He was my first and he took my virginity against my will. Throughout he coerced me to have sex or he'd just take it. I would tell him I didn't want to or to stop, he wouldn't listen he would call me a bad partner and tell me he thought I was fucking boys at college and that's why I was never horny. I wasn't horny because he was abusing me and I had no one to talk to and no way out. He'd say stuff like "If you loved me" or "I'll forgive you and trust you if" and I'd stupidly do what he wanted. Just over a year ago he raped me for the last time and it was the worst it had ever been. We were long distance for three months before it happened and I was visiting at his request during school break.

The help I need is I want to start moving on into a new relationship maybe, I want to seek love again. Problem is I feel like I'm the last thing a guy wants and I'll be a let down. I just need to know if it's even worth looking for love when I don't think I can let anyone touch or kiss me. I don't want to hurt a guys feelings because I'm too uncomfortable. I also don't want to be abandoned because I'm too much of a hassle and I cry over stupid sounds or touches or whatever. It'll feel shit to be dumped because I'm too out of my skin to have sex. Is it worth it to look for someone to rebuild myself with? Am I just going to get hurt and hurt someone else in the process?
I was raped by my ex and I need advice?
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