My close guy friend kissed me? Does he like me or did he use me?

[Anonymous]

so i have this close guy friend. we hooked up last year but he wasn't over his ex and i didn't really know him.

a whole year later we became very close friends so close i can be clumsy and stupid with him and i love it. he calls me dumb dumb.

anyway. we would go out to eat and just talk and i kinda felt something. at that time he was talking to someone but he didn't seem too into it. he did however keep asking me about other guys I've liked in the past. he remembers them all.

anyway... he invited me over to his place when he was really drunk. there were other people there. they even bought me food. he wasn't that drunk when i arrived and we talked. he asked if i was on tinder and bumble in which i replied no. he asked about the past guys and i said i wasn't talking to them.
he even asked about the guy that broke my heart and if we were talking. i said nope.
later everyone left and it was just me and him. we talked for 2 more hours.

he started grabbing my foot and then i feel like he wanted to touching my leg but then he's like “wait yes or no?” and i didn't reply so he removed his hand. i wasn't really paying attention lol.

we talked more... until he asked if i was tired. we went to another room and we slept side by side.

i kept poking his leg screaming “peeep”... a couple of times until he kissed me.

he asked “will it be awkward?” i said no and we countined.

i removed my blouse and he said “are you sure?” and he did more stuff but no sex.

there wasn't a condom.

he kept pleasing and kissing me however. i didn't touch him at all. maybe just twice but i just held it (lol) for like 2 seconds.. everything else was kisses and forplay from him. i was just enjoying.

we woke up and went for coffee and talked for 20 min. he said he wanted to go kayaking with me ( he couldnt make it bc he's busy actually)

so yea...

[Anonymous]

He’s not using you... He cares about you... But it sounds like you like getting his attention, and you are using him.

And from your comments (which I have copied below) it sounds like you’re a little immature and somehow weirdly like receiving but not giving affection (SELFISH MUCH?)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
“we went to another room and we slept side by side... i kept poking his leg screaming “peeep”... a couple of times until he kissed me“

“i removed my blouse and he said “are you sure?” and he did more stuff but no sex.”

“he kept pleasing and kissing me however. i didn't touch him at all. maybe just twice but i just held it (lol) for like 2 seconds.“.

“everything else was kisses and forplay from him. i was just enjoying.“

[Asker]

i was kinda shocked so i didn't know what to do :0

[Asker]

he texted me that he needed some help with something and asked if i was free but he didn't respond. i messaged him something and he hasn't seen it. its stuff like this that gets me thinking.. maybe he doesn't like me?

[Asker]

but i know he's busy and stuff but i know he's on other social media

[Opinion Owner]

What do you mean you were shocked? Shocked by what? Shocked that after you removed your blouse and kissing WITH HIM (he wasn’t just kissing you) that he got hard? The only thing that’s really shocking is that you now say that you were “kinda shocked.” It’s not like he kissed you once and you were surprised by it, because you say: “he kept pleasing and kissing me... I was just enjoying.“ So, cut the crap about being shocked and asking if he used you. You used him, and knew what you were doing, when A’s you say you “kept poking his leg screaming “peeep”... a couple of times until he kissed me.“

[Asker]

god damn. next time i know for a fact im gonna rail his brains out. dont worry about that...

[Asker]

and yeah i was shocked. shocked bc guys who i really like never come to me. ever. so this was a big pleasing shock

[BeachLuvR97]

He likes you, that's for sure. Why do you mention that there wasn't a condom if you didn't have sex?

[Asker]

bc we were debating on having sex. at one point i said no and he said “ill pull out” and another point i said yes and he said no

[Asker]

im trying to decide if he just used me or not

[BeachLuvR97]

I don't think he used you or vice versa. I will mention, also, that I don't think that you should have sex. There's always that 1 in a hundred chance that you become pregnant, and that wouldn't be right. You have so many other ways to enjoy each other.

[Asker]

i mean we are horny young adults haha. and why dont u think so?

[BeachLuvR97]

You're okay with randomly getting pregnant?

[Asker]

oh no obviously not. i dont go out randomly having sex. that just kinda happened tbh. we didn't have sex he just fingered me and kissed me. the thing i liked was that he asked if i was sure... and he said no to sex

[Anonymous]

He likes you.

[Asker]

so he didn't use me? im sorry guys have a habit of using me i just dont know what to believe anymore :(.

[Opinion Owner]

Seems geniune to me but its hard to know, there is no shortage of guys who will do anything for sex.

[Asker]

what makes it genuine? and yeah for sure. he knows about past guy and how sad i was and he said that he would punch him if i would ever bring him over to his place 😂. he was drunk. and he commeneted how it wasn't good for my mental health to like someone like that and that he was playing me. im just afraid im getting played again :(.

[Asker]

and when i say i can be myself with him i can. after stuff happend i kissed his cheeks and was like “awww you just want to be loved!!! aww kiss kiss” in which he replied “i feel like a child” lol. i even said i was disappointed bc no condom. he just said “OHH WOW” but he laughed and so did i. lastly i said i was drunk and he was like “OH WOW” lol

[Opinion Owner]

Well you seem to have a rapport and enjoy spending time with each other, you said he calls you dumb dumb and that you feel comfortable with him. He seems respectful of you and concerned that you are ok with what is happening when you were being intimate. So i would suggest that even if it were just about sex or mostly about sex he seems like a good guy, almost saintly compared to some of the cunts that are out there. But yeah, it could all still just be an act, its possible and maybe he is even fooling himself, the thrill of the chase can be very exciting and sometimes when you get the prize as it were the game is over and the thrill is gone. But you can't live in fear and never let anyone in, any time you open up your feelings you are risking getting hurt, it comes with the territory.

[Asker]

oh yeah for sure. he kept asking if it’ll be awkward or if i wanted to do this. i said no to no condom and he would say yes. i then would say yes and he would say no lol. so yeah. and yeah i guess that could be a possibility as well. i know he's not a player. he is quite soft tbh. but yeah im just scared i might get played. the next day after this happened i sent him this kinda sexual video and he just replied “lame” he messaged me today asking me for a favor but when i asked he didn't reply... he is moving to michigan for a while and im going with him lol

[Asker]

i really hope he likes me likes me. i was planning on asking him when i see him. or ask “what was that?”

[Opinion Owner]

There are no perfect people and no perfect relationships, I can guarantee you are going to have a fight with this guy at some point because everyone fights but that doesn't mean it can't work. It might be a flaming train wreck 3 weeks from know, who knows, all i can really say is that from a mans point of view i feel like he has done the work, i think he is worth the risk. But its your risk, only you can make that choice, you are the one who has to live with the consequences, just as you will have to live with it if you dont persue it, if you dont then you might be asking yourself months or years later, what would things have been like if i had taken that chance?

[Opinion Owner]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=il1VTVYRQD8

[Asker]

what should i do then? next time i see him ask him for a kiss? lol. I don't know if i said this but he's going to michigan and im probably gonna go with him some time next week. he sucks at texting so sometimes he talks to me but then leaves me on read and im like mhh maybe he doesn't like me but that can't be right right? lol i really thought he should ask me out or something no? he's 23 im 21 by the way

[Asker]

he's applying for jobs 24/7 and he may move to cali. im in illinois at the moment. i wouldn't mind traveling every week honestly. would that be considered long distance?

[Asker]

him and his ex broke up a year ago because of long distance but she was in european and he was here in illinois lol

[Opinion Owner]

Just be natural and enjoy your time, you dont have to do anything, nature will take care of that.

[Opinion Owner]

Im an old man, my fridge some times seems like long distance. But this is what i was talking about a minute ago, you are going to have problems and choices to make and consequences to live with.

[Asker]

love the video! literally us. hahaha. if we end up dating ill probably memorize that song and sing it to him hahahahaha. yeah. i really dont see it as a problem in all honesty. 4 hour plane ride is nothing to me lol. sigh. is it normal to overthink this much? lol

[Asker]

i can't stop thinking about it all hahaha. happened 4 days ago hahaha

[Asker]

based on what I've told u do u think we’ll get into a relationship?

[Opinion Owner]

You clearly want to be, you got it baaaad! lol It seems that right now your biggest problem is geography and work etc, logistics is always a twat, it stands in the way of many what ifs.

[Asker]

yeah. im all like “what if he doesn't ask me out bc he doesn't wanna do long distance?” i swear i dont see it as a problem lol but yeah lets see haha

[Opinion Owner]

You are kinda of past the asking out phase, i mean you still could as a way of being official or whatever labels you want to put on things but generally you ask some one out on a date to get to know them to see if you want to persue a relationship or not, but you already knew each other / met in a different way so you didn't need to do that part.

[Asker]

and then my brain goes to “what if he actually doesn't like me” lol

[Asker]

true. i swear when we went out to eat they felt like dates lol. i would even tell my friend. but we would both pay for our meals etc. we would talk for hourssss! lol

[Opinion Owner]

If he doesn't thats his loss, there is a queue that wraps many times around the Earth of men wanting to be with you.

[Asker]

so its up to him to ask me to be his girlfriend? or should i ask him what that kiss was? etc

[Asker]

true. i guess im scared bc the guy who broke my heart was a very close guy friend of mine too and he drunk kissed me. but he later told me he wasn't over his ex etc and he never liked me. i was devastated. we ended up having sex 3 times. the guy i currently like would tell me that he's just playing me and that he's weird. and that me obsessing over it wasn't good for my mental health lol

[Opinion Owner]

No i dont think you should do anything like that, i think you should just enjoy each other and let things be natural, use touch, closeness, non verbal ques to develop intimacy. You dont need to ask what the kiss was, its self explanatory, you both like each other and want to spend time with each other and fuck and such like. Talk about your feelings, sure. I just dont see a need for either of you to shine a light in each others eyes and have an interrogation and drawing up paperwork to define exactly what this is though at some point yes you should have a conversation about what the rules of the relationship are, assuming thats what happens, which it seems likely it will. Assumption is the mother of all fuck ups for sure and not everyone has the same idea of what a standard off the shelf 'relationship' means.

[Opinion Owner]

Well he better not let me down after i have endorsed him anyway, fucking lying prick.

[Asker]

got it haha ill act normal and flirty hahaha. thank you for this. i realize that if its meant to be it’ll be <3 thank you ! :)

[Opinion Owner]

you're welcome Sweetheart, i hope it works out for you both and if it doesn't then have better luck next time, or look me up if you like ;) x

[Asker]

thank u <3!

[Asker]

hey! i have another question. i dont know if we discussed this but someone was telling me that its weird that he hasn't said anything. like he hasn’t asked about anything over text. is that weird?

[Asker]

we haven't really texted much either. he just said he needed help with something but he then said never mind. he's leaving to michigan thats why. i think i already told u this.. i most probably will see him there too

[Opinion Owner]

I am a bit confused about whether or not you are going with him. Some times you make it sound as though you are going together and other times it sounds more like you might also go independently. If you are going together then it seems weird that you aren't talking more but otherwise maybe he is just very busy getting ready. But maybe i have this all wrong? Maybe he just thinks he is going away and isn't going to see you again? You would know better than me. Also this 'lame' comment after the video you sent, i had taken that to be him just joking around, like the dumb dumb thing, how did you interpret that?

[Asker]

oh so i told him MANY times that me and my friends want to go to michigan told us to come along. we are taking our own vehicle and going a different day. i kept asking if he was serious and he said yeah. we’re renting an airbnb and stuff so we’re just gonna go to hike and party b4 school starts

[Asker]

and yeah. he calls me lame all the time. thats how he jokes hahaha. but this other person i was telling this to said that it was weird he wasn't talking to me about what happened. so he assumes the kiss meant nothing and he just used me? but we didn even have sex

[Opinion Owner]

I really dont think there is anything to worry about, everyone is different and a lot of guys dont like to text. Why make problems where none need exist?

[Asker]

you are most certainly right. lets see what happens in michigan! should i ask him then if he makes a move?

[Opinion Owner]

Ask him what?

[Asker]

ask him if he actually does like me?

[Opinion Owner]

Well, that doesn't really seem to be a worthwhile question to me. You already know that he likes you because you spent all that time together and obviously enjoy each others company. All you would be doing by asking something like that is essentially making the statement, I am really insecure. But maybe thats not really what you meant, perhaps you mean something like 'would you like a relationship with me?' or however you want to phrase that, i dont know what the cool kids are saying these days. Look you can either just enjoy your time or you can have a conversation about what the nature of your relationship is and what you each would like to get out of it / where it is going, if anywhere etc. Putting labels on things and pressure to define what something is and what the rules are early on can be a bit heavy for some people, maybe they dont really know what it is and they dont want to think about that they are just living in the moment. But you clearly require some sort of framework, you need to know where you stand, so you should talk about that. I dont want to put words in your mouth but some people say things like I need to know if this is going anywhere because i dont want to invest my feelings etc if it isn't. Thats totally reasonable but that might be exactly right for you, you should choose words which reflect how you are actually feeling / thinking whatever.

[Opinion Owner]

I mean it seems like you already have some feelings invested so the ship where you dont get hurt at all has already sailed but maybe you can reduce hurt feelings to find out sooner rather than later. But here's the thing, if you try to nail this down and he freaks out or shuts it down then its over, maybe you save some of your feelings but you still get hurt and now its over. In hindsight would it have been better to have not said anything at all and just enjoyed more time together? Maybe? Maybe the outcome would even be different? Maybe it would be much worse and a deep and painful loss and prevent you from meeting some other guy in the relatively near future because you aren't in the right head space when it happens. You just can't know and its not fair to judge yourself with hindsight but that sort of thing is just what life is like. You just have to do the best you can at the time with the information that you have. You have to choose what you are going to do because you have to live with whatever the consequences are, for better or worse.

[Asker]

wow sir you amaze me! true. in the end im just gonna go with the flow. basically fuck it. ill update u what happens in michigan:)

[Asker]

so you really dont think he used me? lol

[Opinion Owner]

Good girl x Try to stay out of your own head ;)

[Asker]

thanks! :) after rereading what you read i let everything go :) everything will happen as it should! :)