Help! Boyfriend doesn’t enjoy giving me oral leaving me unsatisfied?

[Anonymous]

This question will contain some explicit details. First question and the reason why I made this account. I need help, I have no one to talk to about this. I love my boyfriend more than anything and he feels the same. We live together and have been together for over a year. My main problem with him is having very unsatisfactory sex. Our sex routine usually goes like this, the sex is initiated by kissing usually no more than for 10 seconds, the pulls out his penis, Igo down on him for never any less than 5 minutes, usually can be around 15-20 mins, he spits on his hand and puts in a finger for less than 20 seconds (which doesn’t do much for me anyway, in fact it can be quite painful) and then we have sex usually for around 2 mins before he finishes. I have never had a orgasm from a partner so I don’t expect this of him, but I have orgasmed alone many times, only by clitoris stimulation. He has given me oral a few times. The first time he looked so grossed out I made him stop. Today he told me when I asked him why he didn’t like to please me that giving oral just wasn’t his thing and he doesn’t mind doing it as a one off on birthdays. He is amazing at oral, this is why only on special occasions drives me crazy, it’s bittersweet because it gives me a taste of what I’m missing. The fact that he doesn’t do this can lead me to feeling gross and a bit worthless and used, which is stupid because I know he isn’t using me as we are very much in love in all other aspects. I just don’t understand how someone who loves you so much could deny you so much pleasure. Personally I don’t enjoy giving my boyfriend head. But I do it and I make sure to do it well, sometimes for a hour straight. I am super clean, shower daily sometimes every twice. Smelling myself doesn’t smell bad at all and I’ve never had a complaint. I have also been checked for stds and Vaginal infections, in am completely clean. I would never force him to do this for me, if he thinks it’s so gross, I’d rather him not.

[PurSeduction]

Well I clrearly you two or missing one vital part of sexuality... passion and desire. I dont want to go so far as to say you two are not deeply attracted to eachother... even attraction is something you can learn and develop.

The first I licked or tasted a pussy was with 11 with my first love to her I also lost my virginity and she to me... she was 11 too... Some of the worst experiences for me personally:

Staircase, laying on eachother kissing, rubbing bodies in the lower part of our bodies against... but this she or me kinda took her and my pants down... rubbing... OHHH I guess im inside "somthing" inside her... omg wow this feels so good... omg I came wow faster then light speed compared to the clothed rubbing... 5 seconds 10?

She started crying immediately and Im shifted my good feelings down and asked her whats wrong did I hurt you or... NO she said! I am pregnant now... we to figure this out, we need name for our child... OMFG i thought Im never gonna stick anything anymore again... haha

Well to get to the point it took us 3 months to acctually learn that sex can acctually be fun...

So licking her pussy my first... often tasted a little like piss... we were kids still... I didn't really enjoy it much and neither did she. I never made her cum, she didn't ever cum back then. That was my first sexual trauma.

Im telling you this because your sex life kinda reminds of the first sex i had back then... just we had more fun. no routine. we had to hide from our parents all exciting and new whatever.

When I love a woman and enjoy her whole body. Even though I do, there was a girlfriend who just want to touch her feet. one that didn't want to be licked first and i had to spent some months turning that around that she enjoyed and asked for it.

Sex is not a daily on your todo list and certainly shouldn't be. Feel like it go for it time and place. Im 36 now and I still can't say that I have had the sex as I acctually want it. First time a day I have sex, it can end within minutes, over the years i learned to control that more. After it can be pretty as long as it goes ofc controlling my climax and having a partner that plays along and builds up on your passsion and desire...

I would simply suggest you two talk about this issue with all your thoughts about it. Sex should def not be forced, not boring, not a task to tick off your list. Its not about fast hard rough slow easy soft... Its sex feeling desire lust craving

[Anonymous]

Im sorry but i think that is disgusting behavior, there is no excuse for being so shit in bed.

When you are in a monogamous relationship the only thing you can't get from someone other than your partner is sex, so you should be with someone who can fuck you properly.

I am 41 and never in my life had a woman give me head for an hour you sound like a fucking unicorn to me and he gives nothing back?

Thats outrageous.

Leave him.

I have always done my best to please my partners and Im good at it now, its unthinkable to me to have sex and not make sure my partner orgasms as powerfully and as many times as possible, i like to give pleasure.

He is a fucking selfish asshole and does not deserve to be with you.

[Anonymous]

Make the same grossed out face next time you go down on him and see how he likes it. Sounds like a dick kinda... part of the fun is knowing my boyfriend ENJOYS pleasuring me. Its sweet.

[Asker]

Exactly, if he is so grossed out I would rather him not even bother. I would love more than anything for him just to grab me as soon as I get out the shower and have some really enjoyable for both of us sex :(

[Opinion Owner]

Id try to have a heart to heart and if that doesn't change anything... might be time to moooooove on! Find a real man!

[Asker]

I’d find it too hard to leave him, we have spoke about this a few times, I feel lost and a bit heart broken that he doesn’t want to please me. We have made a promise to each other to be faithful, I give him everything he could ever need sexually (I also cook dinner for him every night, clean the house and do many other things for him, he nicknames me “princess” but he is defo the princess in this relationship) but I don’t get the same love in return sexually. I keep it fun, buy sexy underwear, I think I am quite attractive and I do receive attention from other men, always try to look my best for him, get my hair and nails done, willing to explore any of his fantasies, hell I even did anal for him. I have told him many times how important it is for me and exactly what I need. He’s just not into making me feel good I suppose. It’s honestly quite sad to say that my biggest fantasy is him giving me oral and him genuinely enjoying himself. I’m sick of painful, quick, selfish sex.

[Opinion Owner]

You sound like a dream and very sweet! 🥰 I hope you get the strength to really stand up for yourself or leave him if necessary! You can't make him love it but he should at least love making you happy!

[Booboo210]

I think you need to find another man. Women loves oral and needs it The best sex is when you have her on fire begging you to fuck..

[summiter]

It sounds kinda one sided. You are giving him great orgasms and you deserve them also. Do you feel comfortable talking with him about what you like? What turns you on?
A sex therapist may help if he is willing to go.

Is he experienced with sex from other partners? How often are you two having sex... even the plain vanilla kind? I think you two need to do some things to spice things up cause it will not get better otherwise. Change your routine... try different positions... stop giving him head for a while!!! Try some outdoor sex.. it is way fun!

Lastly I would buy some sex toys. A vibrator will enable you to give yourself (or teach him how to use it also) some great orgasms! How old is he? Keep the communication open with him if you want things to change... your thoughts?

[TremorJay]

Sorry, I don't know what his deal is. He could at least learn to do something different so you're not in pain. It does sound like he's using you, but some women are into that. You might just have different ways of showing affection, and in that case a little communication can go a long way.

[Asker]

I have tried to talk to him about this, when we first got together he told me he didn’t enjoy giving oral, then after a few months he claimed to love it, but never actually did it, then today, almost a year later he tells me the reason he Doesn’t give is “it isn’t his thing” and “vaginas are gross”. I try to communicate but he isn’t the best communicator.

[TremorJay]

Well that's an important skill to have in a relationship. If he's not willing to work on himself, or put effort into the relationship, it sounds like this could turn into bigger problems down the road. Is it the oral that is super important to you, or is it the way he treats you during sex in general? I wouldn't want to date someone who thought my dick was gross. Love is just a chemical attachment, loving people is easy, being happy with them is difficult.

[Asker]

Honestly oral is pretty important to me. As I mentioned in another comment my biggest fantasy right now is my boyfriend giving me oral and him actually enjoying himself. But I think I could let the oral go if he showed a genuine want to please me in other ways, as he doesn’t show this currently. The thought of the man I love wanting to do these things to me drives me crazy, it makes me tingle. I know for a fact I’m clean, and he’s even told me my kitty is pretty. He cums every time we have sex (like most men) so he is always left not needing more. I remain horny alllll the time because I get a taste of satisfaction and then it’s taken from me in less than 2 minutes. It’s like a tease really. The worst thing is he doesn’t even know he is being selfish, I try to talk to him but he just doesn’t get it, I think if he understood exactly how I felt he would change, but every time I explain he can’t understand my feelings. Thanks so much for the helpful replies, it’s so great to have people to talk to as I’ve kept these feelings to myself for the longest

[TremorJay]

He might have some insecurities about it too. Like if he actually tried to please you, he might fail. That might be a scenario he's trying to avoid. Men can be pretty adamant about protecting their ego, or the pride they carry. Improving yourself requires a certain level of tearing down the current version. Some people don't know how to do that. I don't know your boyfriend at all, but I hope I can at least give you an idea of what might be going on. It doesn't seem like he's going to start enjoying oral, but it might be worth addressing some of the other things. Think hard about what's important to you. What you can live with, and live without. Talking to people always helps me figure things out too, that's why I go to therapy. Otherwise, stuff just bothers me, my mind wanders off, and I don't get anywhere. That's what this app is good for too. You should stick around

[ChocoBrownieMonster]

He literally does nothing for you sexually except feel pain :S
Oral shouldn't be for birthdays lmao i just... im a virgin and haven't given girls my sexual energy yet but i'd never be so neglectful once im in. Sorry but this guy is something else.

[TadCurious]

I don't blame you for being very disappointed and frustrated about this. I wish I knew some helpful advice. You're absolutely right that this has nothing to do with your hygiene or sexual health. There are just some guys like this and I have personally never understood it. Giving oral to my girlfriend is so much fun for me that it's a win-win. At the very freaking least he should learn how to stimulate your clitoris manually in a way that works for you. And you have every right to let him know what that is. And long term I would hope he would become more mature sexually and realize how important receiving oral is to women in terms of having orgasms, and simply be more generous as a lover.

[Dargil]

TMI here. Gift him this book and tell him he will be tested. If it's not in the bookm son't improvise with weird porn antics.

https://www.amazon.com/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring/dp/0060538260

[blutwolfe]

I think no bjs if he doesn't give oral seems fair, have you tried that?

[Asker]

I don’t want to use this tactic as I think it’s sounds “blackmaily”. I want him to enjoy pleasing me because he wants to see his lady satisfied. Not because he wants head in return so he has to get it out the way with

[blutwolfe]

I don't think he's gonna change his viewpoint of not liking unless you pull some strings like begging him for it

[Booboo210]

Ask him why he want finish you off? But you need to find you a guy who love to eat your pussy and tongue your tight ass

[farmboy91]

It can just be a personal preference. He may just not be into it. I definitely don't think it's that you're gross or anything. But it does seem like he's getting more out of sex than you.

[Asker]

I am aware this could be a personal preference which is exactly why I would never make him feel as though he has to do it, I just find it very hard to give so often and receive so little, I am constantly horny dew to our sex being so unsatisfying. I would never cheat but it almost breaks my heart that he isn’t willing to fulfill a need no one else can.

[farmboy91]

Maybe ask him to do it more often. Not all the time but just a little more. Or maybe introduce something like a vibrator so he can give you some clitoral stimulation without having to be uncomfortable. I got my girlfriend a vibrator and she's addicted to it when I'm not around.

[Asker]

I don’t think he would be willing to try a vibrator with me. Sadly I think this is a dead end, bad sex is the only answer to my question lol :)

[farmboy91]

Well sometimes that's just how it goes I guess. At least you can give yourself orgasm. That way you can relieve the sexual tension in yourself when you need to.

[TaureanBull81]

Sex plays an important part in a relationship so from what I've read... you're not compatible sexually! It sounds like he's not going to change his ways by pleasuring you in a manner that's going to give you the 'BIG O' and satisfy you sexually.

You could seek out a sex therapist for professional help otherwise if he isn't open to this, then you know what you need to do for your own happiness.

Good luck @CuteBarbielovexx 😊

[jb12358]

You need a boyfriend who can satisfy you in bed. Personally I wouldn’t stay in a relationship with bad sex

[Asker]

My emotions are too strong for him, if I knew this would of been the case I wouldn’t of entered the relationship, but I can’t imagine leaving him now

[ChocoBrownieMonster]

You're attachment will fade he's bad at sex, a nightmare for any girl

[Wise4myage]

Get rid of this two pump chump and find yourself a real man.

[Asker]

Thanks for answering :)

[Wise4myage]

Your very welcome.

[EyesOfGod]

If he doesn't enjoy it you can't force him to enjoy it.

[EyesOfGod]

Though whipped cream may help.

[COMMODOREII]

Wow that sucks. Nothing better than going down on a girl.

[Twalli]

If he doesn't like giving oral then you can't make him enjoy it. Maybe don't give him a blowjob as often, because you don't seem to really enjoy it either.

[OddBeMe]

Yeah, he’s an ass. Spitting is stupid, get lube. Also, if he wants oral, he should reciprocate.

[Jerre]

Such a shame you boyfriend doesn’t enjoy a good meal by eating you. I love the taste, the smell, love to get my tongue deep and explore, love to suck her clit and have her cum in my mouth. After she has cum several times, I know she is wet enough for my big, fat cock which will make her cum multiple times. Wish I could show you what you are missing.

[JamesBlackDragon]

If he don't like it he don't like it that simple if you don't like sucking dick don't do it

[abc--123]

Find a real man

[mrgspoter]

That's a joke right not real, you made it up?

[Asker]

Very real, on all my family’s lives sadly

[mrgspoter]

What does that mean

[Asker]

Sadly 100% real

[mrgspoter]

Wow I'm sorry you have a lazy boy that can't care to much for you, a man couldn't do this to a lady who he cared for. He's using you

[CubaPirate]

Time to move on imfao