Boyfriend said I deceived him. Am I in the wrong?

[Billie_]

When we last had sex, there was an indicator that some semen had leaked out of the condom. He started getting stressed and panicking and I said if I was pregnant, I’d get an abortion as I am going to college soon.

Fast forward, my period is late, all of this week I’ve started getting early pregnancy symptoms. He asked me if I would still get an abortion if it’s real, and this time... I said I don’t know. Pregnancy test came out positive.

I understand where he’s coming from, but I feel I have been handed this gift and my motherly instincts are telling me “dont kill it!”

My boyfriend has accused me of deceiving him and tells me he can’t trust me anymore. Is he out of line, or do I need this abortion? Answer honestly please. I never planned for this to happen, but I dont want an abortion.

[Being_a_good_Indian]

The first step for any woman facing an unexpected or unwanted pregnancy is to make an appointment with a doctor or clinic. Your doctor can confirm that you are pregnant and tell you how far along you are in your pregnancy.

Your doctor can give you some advice to help keep you and the baby healthy.

Facing an unexpected pregnancy can be emotionally overwhelming — especially if you go it alone. You may want to confide in a close friend or family member about your unplanned pregnancy, or reach out to a professional to get the emotional support you need.

Regardless of how you choose to move forward with your unintended pregnancy, you will need to build a support system of friends, family and professionals to lean on.

When you become aware of an unexpected pregnancy, you may feel overwhelmed by a flood of tough questions — Should I keep my baby? Am I ready to be a parent? What should I do if I’m pregnant and don’t want the baby?

While it can be difficult to find the answers to these questions, you are the only person who must decide which of your pregnancy options is truly best in your circumstances: adoption, abortion, or parenting.

When you become a parent, raising your child often becomes first priority, and personal, educational and career goals sometimes have to be put on hold.

Ask yourself whether you are able or willing to delay your plans in order to start a family.

Many women facing an unplanned pregnancy know that they do not have the financial stability needed to provide the life they want for their child.

Abortion can be a financially less expensive option, although you may be responsible for medical costs, which can range from $500-$2,000. But there is a hidden, drastic cost for many women: long-term feelings of guilt and sadness because you wish you had chosen life for your child. You may be tormented with wondering what their child would be like today if you hadn’t had an abortion. Of course, God forgives all of our wrong decisions, but the consequences often remain.

When deciding whether to parent, many expectant mothers envision the type of life they want their child to have. Consider your life situation, home environment and support system, and ask yourself whether you can provide the opportunities you imagine for your baby.

If you believe that you are not in a position to personally provide this type of life for your child, you may determine that you are not ready to be a parent. However, rather than abortion, there is another way to give your baby a life full of love and opportunity: adoption.

When you choose to make an adoption plan, you will have the opportunity to select the perfect adoptive family who fits all of the hopes you have for your baby’s future.

Ultimately, the way you choose to respond to your unplanned pregnancy will come down to the type of relationship you want to have with your child. If you want to experience parenthood and feel that you are ready for all of its day-to-day joys and challenges, parenting your baby may be the best option for you.

However, many women in your circumstances want to watch their children grow up — they just don’t feel prepared to raise a baby at this time in their lives. If this describes your situation, consider making an adoption plan. Adoption is not the end of your relationship with your child — in fact, you can remain an important part of his or her life with an open or semi-open adoption.

Alternatively, if you choose abortion, you will not have the option of knowing your child or watching him or her grow up. It is important to consider the lasting emotional impact that this loss may have.

As a woman facing an unexpected pregnancy, you are faced with deciding what is best for you and your baby — but you do not have to decide alone.

I hope I answered your questions in best possible manner. In case of any queries feel free to ask without any hesitation. 😊

[broken_heart_at_48]

This is a very tough situation. Was anything concerning the possibility of pregnancy and how you guys would handle it talked about prior to having sex? Really even if you guys discussed it before hand he should have some compassion and understand that this is something that is hard to really know how you're gonna handle it until you're actually faced with it. I'm not saying your boyfriend is a jerk he's just being a little insensitive. I do understand why he's being like this and I don't think he's a bad guy or anything but I feel he's wrong and definitely you did not deceive anyone

[meetkitty123]

Oh fuck him and send him to hell its your fucking body tell him to grow the fuck up he had sex that's it both your responsibility to make sure the damn condom stayed on his dick when he pulled out and it was both your responsible to make sure the damn thing was on correctly
you didn't deceive him don't feed into his damn manipulations or his emotional abuse towards you
that is exactly what that is he's trying to manipulate you and he's emotionally abusing you if this is how he's going to be you need to stay the fuck away from him he's clearly immature and he's not going to be good to you
Have your baby and that's that
If he comes around or not come around is entirely on him
regardless don't go chasing after him
I don't even think you need to go after him for child support if that's what he's really worried about
you going to have to work twice as hard and study twice as hard but you can do it it is manageable there's no reason why you can't raise that baby on your own I've been a single mother before I know what I'm talkin about it is possible it requires work but it is possible
quite honestly when I got pregnant and the man was a jerk I said fuck it I don't want him around anyways the way I see it If I ain't getting child support from him and he's not checking in on her that means the baby is completely mine and I am free to do whatever I want to do
that was 12 years ago and she is all mine she is my pride and joy she looks identical to me she acts like me she's intelligent she's the greatest gift I was ever given don't let some dickwad ruin it for you
right now you need to focus on getting medical attention you need prenatal care you need prenatal vitamins and you need to make sure that you have some form of financial income coming in if you don't have a job get one if you're studying in school study harder do not quit and give him the cold shoulder ignore him do you forget him
If it's meant to be for him to be in this baby's life it will be
you don't have time for childish games you don't have time for his immaturity you need to focus on you your health and your future child your finances and your education

[meetkitty123]

I wish you the best Hang in there My baby girl was a condom mishap At that time I didn't no I was allergic to them Causing me to swell and pull the condom off.

[sheikalana]

Honey you're wrong for asking strangers if you need an abortion or not. You're the one who has to decide it your body your choice. Think about it try to see the pros and cons of having a child at the moment if you're comfortable enough seek advise from you close family and loved ones. From your bfs reaction I'm assuming he's still young and is probably not ready to be a father yet he's still chocked with what happened but guess what there's always a solution for everything. Think wisely, don't make any mistake and tale care.

[AustinMan]

I get that you don't want an abortion but are you situated to give the child the life it deserves? You're clearly fertile and so you can try again. It's not a life yet so you're not killing anything or anyone.

[Roxxy99]

All birth control methods have a failure rate. You assume that risk when you decide to have sex. Condoms can leak or break. He knows this and decided to have sex anyway. Now he was probably reassured when you told him you’d abort if you got pregnant but the choice is legally the woman’s and it’s not so easy to just throw away a child that’s a part of you. He is out of line here and needs to get on board with supporting you. It’s called manning up and facing your responsibilities. I’d say do what you feel is morally right here but don’t be surprised if he takes off. He sounds young and immature.

[WindAtMyBack]

You did not deceive him.

Talking about something hypothetically is very different than if it really happens. You just changed your mind, which is entirely understandable under the circumstance.

"My boyfriend has accused me of deceiving him and tells me he can’t trust me anymore.:"

It sounds like he's already making excuses to run instead of manning up and being responsible for his child. It sounds like his twisted way of putting the blame on you if he doesn't do the right thing and take responsibility for his actions. That's on him and not on you.

[Marilynjuana]

Yes it is deceiving, but that is not the main issue or anything you should focus on right now. You changed your mind. Gather people around you who will help you. Having a child is no joke, you need money, support, advice and help. Your guy probably feels like his life is ruined and he is right to feel that way. Focus on how to make it work, not on such matters. Figure out if it is even POSSIBLE.

[PlacentaSalad]

Firstly, as you figure out what you truly want to do, ignore any opinions which are clearly religiously influenced as those are going to be biased. And just as people will tell you it's "your body, your choice," it's also his choice to separate from you and the child should he not want fatherhood, as this is only fair and equal. As of now, he clearly doesn't approve of pregnancy and tried to avoid it through practicing safe sex but it's still resulted in a pregnancy anyway. If you decide on childbirth, then you have to be prepared for the possibility that he may decide to break up with you. I've known relationships to end because of children becoming involved. Weigh the risks and figure out what is truly worth it if he is reluctant about the child.

I'd personally support abortion to accomplish your goals first, and then focus on the idea of having children once you two are better established.

[Nicolette777]

It’s your baby. Your body. Your choice. Do what ever you want, whether that be an abortion, adoption or keeping it. It doesn’t matter now I HK is in the wrong: What’s done is done so make a decision that you are comfortable with and learn to accept what has already happened.

[ThomasTKay]

Let your motherly instincts be the voice of reason. This child did nothing wrong and deserves life. You can always adopt out but you may find out that your heart belongs to this beautiful baby when he/she is born. It's not the end of the world. It's the beginning of your real living. And no, you didn't deceive him. He is being selfish. You came to your senses and realized it was no longer just about you, unlike him.

[Tamera952]

Yikes. What a situation. He's going to resent you forever should you go forward with this. He will never forgive you for 'springing this on him' (so to speak) -- Unplanned births are a nightmare and your life will never be the same. I really feel for him, and personally don't think you should have a baby until it's planned and you're ready -- but ultimately it's your call, and you both had to know that this was a possibility, even if a remote one.

[BlueEyedBirdWatcher]

You didn't lie to him if you were planning it at the time. And just because you said it doesn't mean you have to do it.

Don't make a decision like this just to keep your word. You can change your mind whenever you want.

But remember right now you are full of hormones, and this is a life long decision. You need to decide if you want this life while trying to ignore the hormonal influence.

[ChocoBrownieMonster]

You deceived your boyfriend because you didn't take the pill and now you want to keep this baby against his wishes. He was responsible because he put on a condom, you can't tell me you forgot to take the pill?

[Sevenpointfive]

you can't have a baby in college without support

[Agape93]

What you’re feeling is just hormones, not rational thought. Abort it as you intended so you can continue your life and schooling as planned. Otherwise, say good bye to your money and 20 years of your life.

[Marilynjuana]

This is what common sense looks like.. People should have children once they are confident they can give their children the best life and opportunities. Not simply because they feel like doing this or that.

[Agape93]

Exactly. Emotions like that are how one ends up in debt, a wrecked body, a wrecked future and disappointment

[Nik1hil]

Be logical!
You are off to college, get abortion. You can get pregnant again..

[Browneye57]

Consider adoption. The child goes to a loving home prepared to raise it, and you become the hero all around. Later, when you grow up a little more, you can then intentionally decide to have a child, and be ready for it.
Ignore your 'boyfriend', he's just a kid.

[_SOARER]

This is terrible! Keep the child! he needs to man up and take responsibility.
You should have never said you would get an abortion! that destroys a womans self-esteem and dignity. Its really unhealthy too.

You should tell him you want to keep it, but you need him to dedicate himself to your family.
He is trying to manipulate you to get the abortion because he is afraid of responsibility.

I would go tell his parents if I were you haha :p
Problem is white people are really pro-abortion so they might pressure you to, but if they aren't they will convince him to be responsible :)

Good luck <3

[wondering_guy]

If you want to keep the baby you should but he might not be there, question is can you handle havi g a baby on your own, if your instincts say you shouldn't abort it then don't because you will regret it and even though you did get an abortion and he stayed, you will hate him for it.

So the question is do you want to keep the baby and still have him resent you and lose him or have the abortion and nothing will be the same between you and you will hate him for it. You will hate him for it for a fact or be upset and distance and silent with him which in the end you will leave him.

[Nalix]

No, he's not out of line, and no you don't need to get an abortion. You have to understand that for a guy, this is a very dangerous situation to be in, and that there are women out there who intentionally trap men with pregnancy. I don't know if you can regain his trust and keep the baby, but you should keep the baby. Of course, forcing him to help you take care of it in any way would be highly immoral. Both of you took the risk by having sex at all, and you know that protection can fail. You have the option to abort. He does not, so try to respect that by not forcing him into that.

[AmeerX]

You should give birth. Your boyfriend is the moron

[AD240pCharlie]

Well, the choice is ultimately up to you, but he is definitely in the right for not trusting you. I understand that biologically your instincts have kicked in and changed your mind but that doesn't change the fact that you did lie to him about what you'd do. Even if you say that he doesn't have to be involved, he will still always know that there's a kid who is his out there growing up without a father.

[Wise4myage]

He's way out of line and panicking like a 12 year old. He doesn't want you to have this child, so do what you feel is right and the hell with him.

[Billie_]

He keeps saying how its going to ruin his life, and I’ve even said to him he doesn’t have to raise it, its my choice. But he still says he’s inclined to and its going to ruin what he wants for his career.

[Marilynjuana]

I don't think this is fair. Having a child as a COLLEGE STUDENT, having an accident and having your partner tell you "it'll be ok" to then "my life could be ruined" is no joke. He wore protection, he tried to be safe.

[Marilynjuana]

@billie_ Your boyfriend has every right to feel this way.

[Billie_]

@Marilynjuana the thing is, I’ve told him he doesn’t have to be involved. No child support, nothing. Abortion isn’t as simple when you’re the one with the fetus inside your body.

[Marilynjuana]

@billie_ And being someone's biological father is not just a matter of "You don't have to deal with it". He will be a FATHER. Can you not sympathise with him at all? Perhaps he also is a decent person and doesn't want you to be alone with it?