My boyfriend said “I want to kill you” during sex? / age gap relationship?

Question

So I’m 25. My boyfriend will be 38 this October. He recently broke up with me because I hurt his feelings. We’re both into a lot of fetishes. Specifically bdsm. I’m inexperienced. As was he. We met on Fetlife & I’ve been seeing him every Saturday for almost a year this September. I’ve been doing everything I can to get back together with him since he broke up with me. I said I’d do anything. He has 3 kids, their 9, 13 & 15 & they’re with him during the week. He lives an hour and a half away. He has an ex girlfriend whose only in the picture because of the kids but they’re not involved.

We have a Safe Word. He always said he never enjoyed hurting me unless I was genuinely enjoying it. Recently when I told him I’d be willing to do anything to prove myself since the break up. He asked me to make a brand of his initials so that he could brand me. He said he wants to make me do so many things to make me prove my commitment. He said try and make a brand with a paper clip. He’s been wanting me to move in with him for a while now.

When I had to move recently & quit my full time job cause I got evicted he said I chose ***** (the new town I moved too) over him and says he doesn't fully blame me but still. I haven’t seen him for over a month. Last night he not only said the thing about branding me, but he said he didn’t want me to move a single inch while he tries to “throat f*** me to death”. I’ve never wanted kids. He’s tried getting me pregnant before. When I ask him why he wants me to have his kid, he says “I’m your Dom, so your answer should just be Yes Sir” and don’t ask questions.” He says he enjoys hurting me & doesn’t know how to explain it. He said even if I didn't want him to, he’d still do all of this. Even before all of this when things were amazing, we had been having sex one time & he looked me right in the eye & said “I want to kill you!!”. I don't know I feel like when I see him soon he’s gonna try to hurt-hurt me, am I overthinking?

ThomasTKay · Accepted Answer

He is messed up. Get the fuck away from him. I would be very creeped out if someone treated me this way. You let him brand you? What will it be next? Cutting you? I'm sorry but it seems you want to be loved but this is not love. This is a man who is trying to live a demented fantasy of something he learned in porn and the movies. You are the subject. He has no love for you. Why disrespect yourself by continuing to allow this? Why put yourself in harms way potentially while being treated as a doormat in the meantime? Time to open your eyes and see this jerk for what he is!

NamerOfStars · Accepted Answer

I'm far from an expert on BDSM, but my understanding is that it's more about the interplay of power dynamics than anything where you'd find yourself hearing "I want to kill you". Also, isn't the entire point of safewords that you respect one another's limits? "your answer should just be Yes Sir" doesn't really gibe with that. Tread carefully, or run the other way.

PiffDust · Answer

Ummm, why am i the only one that thinks this should be the obvious answer?, RUN! *cues music*

kemo56 · Answer

Yeah I'm ignorant of the whole bondage thing with all those rules Dom subs

But in real life you need to get the hell away from that person I'm sorry but he doesn't sound very stable to me maybe it goes with that stop butt you need to get away from that stuff and it does

Radiate143 · Answer

He isn't well sweetheart. I think you should fade this relationship. There is dom sub stuff but he sees you as prey. Very different and not great for you.

chriscdi · Answer

seems like an unstable person, obssesive and aggressive behavior are signs he iant right in the head and with all the things he said it seems like he sees you more of an object, he wants to to brand you, wants to throatfuck you to death, wants to kill you, it all seems unstable and you are stupid for avoid it all, shouldve been out since the first unstable shit he said, he has problems