If a guy is OK with and encourages waiting to have intercourse even if he's done it plenty with other people?

[Anonymous]

I am 20. My boyfriend and I have been together for several months now. He is 23 and we are both in uni together. I am a virgin. I have a strong connection with this guy and have gotten more physically intimate with him than I have with anyone in my past. He has a bit more experience. He has had 1 meaningful relationship and the rest were flings he told me, and that many of the flings he had he slept with people but it never meant anything. We've been open about sex, and there's been times that it's been close to happening, but he states his opinions on wearing protection and i have my own opinions on BC. I dont like pills and what they do to my body (took them in HS for acne) and he doesn't like that wearing protection makes the event less intimate.
there's times when we have came close but it has not happened yet. We spoke this week and he was saying he is ok with waiting to do it and he would give up sex. & its not that important to him, and that we are not in a position to be having a kid right now. I appreciate he can wait but sometimes I wonder how he easily slept with people but when it comes to me he doesn't really care about it happening. If having sex with other people in the past was easy and he desired it, i just would think he would want it with me. also upsets me that he refuses to wear protection, ( i respect how he feels tho) and I also don't like birth control. He has worn protection before but says that it is way 2 intimate with somebody that he cares about to wear one. upsets me thinking if we will ever make compromise.
We are both pretty stubborn. He feels strongly about not wearing anything& I feel very strongly about not taking BC. Sometime it is frustrating, we have a great relationship w/o it, talked about that and we love that, but now I am getting to the point where I really want to take it further, and can't wrap my head around why it is not necessary to him when it was with others in the past. thoughts?

[On_the_other_hand]

Just because he says he is willing to wait doesn't mean he doesn't want to.

I took my girlfriend V card and I will say, and this will be very unpopular, I wish we didn't use a condom the first time. It just feels so different. We eventually did it without the condom and the feeling, for her, is MUCH better. Just wish the first time was raw, for her sake. She got on the pill because it feels so good and it is the most effective.

I also had a lover that used to drop by and one day she said the only way we were having sex is if I did it "raw" her words.

I would suggest possibly doing this, If you feel he is free from all diseases, go on birth control for just a couple of months, do the deed raw, plenty of lube, silicone lube not water based, but something is better than nothing. Then after you've done it a couple times, try it with a condom on and decide if the up and down sides to the pill are worth it.

My past and current lovers clearly love no condom. But you've got to protect yourself and make the decisions you feel comfortable with.

[Asker]

Really appreciate this comment. He said exactly that. He said he wants our first time to not include having one on. What he said was very similar to your words. It can just be nerve wracking when you are A virgin to think about doing it unprotected. We did talk about doing BC and trying it for a couple months.

[On_the_other_hand]

So glad I could help. I really do wish our first time was bare, especially since were are doing it now. Plus I think there is less friction. My girlfriend was VERY scared of getting pregnant. She took the morning after pill to be extra careful. Yeah this isn't a 100% fuck boy situation, although it could be. Your first time is special, it is a lot of pressure on the guy too, to make it special, or at least make it the best it can be even if it isn't perfect. It will likely be a little difficult/complicated. Knowing the person you are with is 100% in your corner and wants this to be the best for you, more than the best for themselves is key. Although it is a little selfish of me to want it to be the best for her to make me feel good about this first memory WE are creating together. But obviously that is not the worst selfish thing to want. If he wants it to be the best for you then he needs to take all the worries out of your head the best he can. I think you guys are heading in the right direction.

[Hawner]

I think you are misunderstanding. He loves you so that it is easy for him to not need the sex until you are ready for it. He does want to have sex with you, probably more than you think, but he is willing to wait and it poses no effort to do so.

[SphynxUK]

So he’s slept with all these other people, seemingly without protection, and your considering letting him be your first?
He wears protection, or you don’t do it.

[Iron_Man]

Save your virginity for your husband and make sure you're in love and do it after your wedding night, Not with some guy you've only known for a few short months that's been around the block a lot. Thats puppy love for you

[Asker]

Interesting thank you

[Iron_Man]

You are welcome

[Twalli]

So you want him to want you sexually? Quite honestly you should want him to want you even if you don't have sex. It means that he likes you as a person and doesn't see you as a sex object.

[Asker]

We have a gret relationship. I really do respect that he does not want to have sex. He hasn;t pressured that in the several months of dating. Its only as recent that weve come close. I guess I wonder why he doesn't want it the way he did when he slept with others in the past that he says meant nothing to him. He told me he could give up sex and that its not necessary to him. And that maybe its fine we don't have it anyways since he's about to graduate and we don't need a kid. I hope you see where I am coming from. I am a virgin but feel a great connection and am interested in taking it further so I just wish the same feelings were reciprocated but they aren't, and it also might especially have to do with the fact that we have our own opinions on methods of protection which I dont know how we will get past.

[Asker]

I feel like it would just be an added benefit to be closer to him and more intimate. So I guess it upsets me that we aren't right now, but it was done with other people that didn't even matter to him. I don't really understand that.

[Twalli]

Sex doesn't always need to have any connection to a guy. A pussy is sometimes just a pussy. The person it is part if is inconsequential.

[Anonymous]

I would encourage you to not have sex without a condom unless you are married. To many STDs floating around out there. Also oral and anal sex are just as likely to cause you get an STD as vaginal sex.