Can a girl who don't have any interest in sex, find a person who will love her as she is?
Anonymous
I'm that girl. I think I'm asexual. I don't know but whenever I think of sex I just can't digest it. It's not like I don't watch porn. I do watch but after a certain point I just turn it off and feel disgust. I told my mom about it, she cross questioned me "Have you ever tried it. No, right then how can you decide that you're asexual." But it's my guarantee that if I do it I'll lose myself. I'll start hating myself.
Updates:
+1 y
Maybe I can't be free like before with him after that.
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QuidthonianGuru
+1 y
I don't f*** on the first date either. The interest in my partner must grow slowly. I need to watch her and how she responds to me. Eventually, I do expect sexual intercourse from a woman in a relationship. I think every person is interested in sex in some form or another. It is how our brains are wired. You are still young; you probably have some negativity connected with sex. Give yourself time.
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_DARKNESS_Xper 6
+1 y
You’ll definitely find a partner. Remember, sex is only one small part of a relationship. There are so many other more important factors that make for a good relationship. I’m asexual myself actually
Asexual men exist, and some of them want a romantic relationship without sex, so it's not impossible. But you need to be realistic about a couple of things:
there are't a LOT of asexual men, so you aren't going to have a huge selection to choose from
of that small percentage, VERY few of them are going to be "hot guys" - if any at all
men who aren't asexual themselves aren't going to be able to be in a relationship with a girl who is. At least, not for very long.
you can't change other people.
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ManWithThePlan123Explorer
+1 y
Finding someone like that may be difficult, and I hate when people use that logic. Like ok I haven't tried sky diving, but will I like it? Hell no. I want to entertain the idea that maybe you just hate the way that porn portrays sex, when you have an actual partner you are into it isn't necessarily casual. You also don't have to do it in the way that porn shows you either.
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HawnerXper 7
+1 y
You can, of course! There are different guys out there. You can surely find one that is not interested in sex.
I am not judging you at all, I respect your choice. However, since you said that, of you try it you will lose yourself, that sounds less like asexual and more like forced restraint. As far as I understand it (I am quite ignorant about it, I must admit), being asexual means you have no interest in sex, not that you are repulsed by it. If you were asexual, you would simply disregard it, not fear you will lose yourself if you try it. Would you consider the possibility that you are not asexual but have some sort of fear of sex? Again, I ask not judging you nor saying that you are wrong. If just that I feel that could be a possibility and you may not have noticed it.
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ThiccBoaiXper 6
+1 y
Yeah sure. It's gonna be a bit harder to find the right person, but you'll fine m. I've met multiple asexual people. Maybe try it at some point to see if you like it after all. But do it with someone that doesn't mind trying it out and being okay with stopping at any moment.
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BerethorMaster
+1 y
Not not gonna lie, you chances of finding a guy are next to zero. By the way if you are asexual then what you getting out of watching porn? do you watch it just to see what it like, do you enjoy it for a short time before you feel disgusted by it? you sound more like antisexual than asexual.
I see, well at least you was brave enough to watch it ( not an easy thing for a asexual), even though you was not brave enough to try it in real life, and considering that the line between bravery and stupidity is thin, it's also shows that you are a fairly smart girl, now you know what it's, while the risk that you taken was minimal, even if you got some bad memories from watching porn, it's nothing in comparison to the bad memories that you could had gotten from a bad sexual experience, it's something that even sexual girls are not immune to, but an asexual girl like yourself is at higher risk by default. By the way, is watching porn was a one time thing or you watch it every once in awhile to see if you change your mind about sex? also did you felt the same level of disgust from all porn videos or you was able to find some porn videos that disgust you as much? you aware that porn have different categories, and maybe if you find a category and/or actor that you like then maybe you find it more tolerable. As for your mom, if you don't have a boyfriend, does your mom is implying that you should try casual sex or she worried that you would not able to get married? your mom's casual comment about sex seem odd to me. I believe that some level of asexuality make it easier for a girl to act like a proper lady, the problem is with extreme asexuality, like the one that you seem to have.
Berethor
+1 y
Your aversion from sex is partly understandable, asexuality has a dark side, the problem is that you see all sexuality as a bad thing, and if that the case then why you need a relationship in the first place? why would you not become a nun? I understand that you are not aromantic but let's face it, asexuality is seriously limiting, so vast majority of guys would turn down a sexless relationship not only because guys tend to be more sexual than girls by default but also because they consider such relationship pointless, so they could either easily find a girl who would offer them more or they even rather stay single then be in such relationship. The thing I don't understand, would you hate yourself even if had sex with a guy that you claim to love? even if he was your husband? you would see yourself as a slut even if you done in serious relationship? or it's the sex itself that would gave you traumas, as if you was raped? or both? as for freedom, one would think that you would feel more free with a guy who had sex with you, because you should feel closer to him at that point, and would not have much of a point for hiding things from him at that point, as he already saw you in one of your most embarrassing moments, how can you claim that you are acting free with him if you are putting a lot of limits on him? and it's only limits on weird stuff like BDSM, it's serious limits on normal intimacy.
My mom is afraid that I will not be able to get married. I watch porn every once in a while to see if I could change my mind but it's not happening. I would like to be in a relationship. I like hugs, kisses, and cuddling expect sex. My life with him will be all same only sex will not be there. Yeah if I love my boyfriend or husband too much then I think I can handle it.
Berethor
+1 y
I see, well your mom's fears are fairly justified, she want you to be able to find a husband and she want grandchildren, and asexuality is usually a considerable obstacle to marriage and children, especially extreme aseuality, the kind that made you say that you would never have sex with your boyfriend and/or husband, and the kind that made you say that if you would do it then you would start hating yourself, and maybe your would not be free like before with him after that. It's one thing to not be able to enjoy sex, it's another thing to treat sex as if it's the most horrible thing on earth, even if it happen with your lover and not with a stranger, that's why I said that you sounded more like antisexual than asexual, though you can be both, but it better for you if you stop being antisexual, then you would have more chances of finding an long term relationship. You know that most asexuals who are in relationship are having sex? they not doing it for themselves, they are doing it mostly for their partner satisfaction and to avoid a break up, so yea you would likely be able to handle it, if you would overcome your antisexuality.
Berethor
+1 y
Note that asexual girls are in the madonna side in the madonna-whore dichotomy, though ironically there are asexual girls who are far from being madonna, mainly asexual girls who had sex but still failed to keep the guy around, and it happened with multiple guys, so now they have quite a slutty record, despite their asexuality, as you likely already know, a girl's slutty record is efforted mostly by how many guys she had sex with, rather than how many times she had sex in general, record-wise it don't matter how many times you would have sex with your boyfriend and/or husband, it still counts as you had sex with only one guy. A girl who had sex with four guys, even if it was "only" one time with each of the guys, have a much higher slutty record than a girl that had sex with only one guy in her life, even if she had sex with him a hundred time or more. The only way for you to stay totally innocent is to stay virgin for life, but if you want a relationship then it's highly unlikely that you would find a guy who would give up on sex for you, as I said before guys tend to be more sexual than girls by default, even in comparison to sexual girls, and in addition to that guys tend to be more dominant than girls, so it unlikely that you would find a guy who would submit to your wishes that contradict with his, especially in a issue that is highly important to vast majority of guys, why he would be the one who compromise, and not you? and it compromising on something normative, that vast majority of couples are doing, not something like BDSM, though many BDSM lovers don't are willing to compromise on BDSM as well.
Berethor
+1 y
I have quite conservative mindset, so I can understand your aversion to sex, the problem that many of your beliefs about sex seems to be quite extreme even by asexual standards, that said I also got the impression that you are more less antisexual than you make yourself seem, and more openminded than you make yourself seem, the fact that watch porn every once in a while to see if you could change your mind about sex is an induction of that, and now you said that if you would love your boyfriend or husband enough then you think that you would be able to handle having sex with him, so it's more of a question of if you would find a guy who you would love enough for you to be able to handle having sex with him, without hating yourself after that, now that sounds romantic, don't you think? almost like a demiseual.
Berethor
+1 y
So you are able to enjoy hugs, kisses, and cuddling but not sex, well it's better than nothing, but it's also not enough to vast majority of guys, even guys who don't admit it straight away. You will not lose yourself and start hating yourself for kissing and cuddling with him, but you would lose yourself and start hating yourself if you go all the way with him? many of the argumentx against sex can also be used against kissing and cuddling, an aromantic girl could easily claim that kissing and cuddling is nasty, the kissing liquids and the cuddling closeness, does this remind you of anything? also is likely to feel like you are teasing him, and it can be more frustrating for him than if you was doing nothing, it's also one of reasons why many guys adept a all or nothing stance on that issue. By his standards what you offer him is mostly a foreplay, without ever letting him enjoy the main event, for you as an asexual girl it seems enough, for him it's not enough, a sexless relationship beliefs mostly you, not him. You can say that he is selfish for wanting sex, but you would be more selfish if you would neglect your boyfriend or husband needs. You can say that if he love you then he should give up on sex for you, he can say that if you love him then you should not have a problem with the idea of 'making love' with him.
Berethor
+1 y
If you had a boyfriend or husband who refuse to kiss you or cuddle with you, how was feeling about it? it's even worse feeling for a guy when his girlfriend or wife refuse to have sex with him. Being an romantic asexual girl is a blessing and a curse, on one hand at least you able to enjoy some form of intimacy, on the other hand it's an confusing state, and it make it harder for you to find and maintain a relationship in comparison to romantic asexual girls, and make you feel bad because of lack of relationship. Personally I believe that aromantic asexuality is the most true form of asexuality, for better and for worse, aromantic asexuals don't need sexual stuff, and they don't need romantic stuff, they could easily become monks and nuns. I know that many asexuals don't want to admit it but a lot of romantic stuff is also sexual stuff, usually it softcore sexual stuff, but it's still sexual, you can't really claim that kissing is totally innocent, kissing is usually seen as less serious than sex, for better and for worse, but there is reason why kissing with strangers is slutty, though having sex with strangers is more slutty, and I was not talking about a kiss on cheek of course. There is two main ways to look at sex, see it as something nasty or see it as the most intimate thing that you can do with a guy, for better and for worse, for better if you do it with the right guy, for worse if you with the wrong guy.
Berethor
+1 y
You watch porn every once in a while to see if you could change your mind, but did you try looking for a sensual porn? a porn with kisses? most porn is rough and mainly lust-based, because that what sexual people usually prefer to see, and most people who do porn are in a long term relationship, so they have less of a reason to be romantic while they have sex. You anonymous so can you tell what are the main things about sex that seem as so horrible to you that they would make you a shell-shocked veteran, and that you guarante if you go through them in real life you will lose yourself, and start hating yourself? and how did it turned out if you would love your boyfriend or husband enough then you would be able to handle it. The power of love is stronger than the rule of scary? :)
Well, there are a-sexual people out there, both boys and girls. Sex is just not a need for them. So to answer your question, yes you can find a guy who would feel the same and you two can enjoy life together with no sex. However, if you never had a lover, I agree with your mom, try it before you assign the asexual label to yourself. A good lover can do wonders, though you have to have an open mind to feel those wonders. Good luck.
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boredguy01Xper 6
+1 y
Honestly I think your only chance is finding a guy who is impotent because I can't imagine a straight male being content with a sexless relationship, unless he's unable to have sex
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0112358Master
+1 y
Possibly. There are other asexuals out there. You would likely need to seek them out - most random people you meet will not be asexual, and in particular guys who will actively hit on you will almost always NOT be asexual - sex drive is part of what pushes them to engage in the scary act of approaching. So you’d almost certainly need to use sites or forums for asexuals looking for romance.
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Umarkhan001Xper 3
+1 y
Absolutely can but it requires quite a time and effort to do so but I am sure you will find that guy
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genericname85Master
+1 y
well sure but it will be harder than for normal girls.
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