Is this considered consent?

[Anonymous]

I’ll give you a timeline. Never dated, had sex, or even kissed a guy before. The guy I started dating initiated the kiss, not asking if he could kiss me. When we had sex, he kept moving his hands down and down until I said “nothing past my shorts please” and he said “okay”. We started making out more and more and we both got really horny but to be quite honest I didn’t know what the fuck I wanted especially since the guy was a lot more experienced. He still inched his hands toward my pants and touched my butt. We didn’t have sex that night and he complains of blue balls the entire next day. I felt bad. The next time I saw him I almost felt pressured to have sex or somehow relieve him... I know I sound fucking stupid but hormones make you do stupid things. I wasn’t in the right mindset: we started making out again and the same thing happened. He touched me down there—didn’t ask me—I didn’t consent. He was like “I want to have sex with you so bad right now” and I was like “sure”. I still cringe. I think to myself now: How could I just let someone do that. Why didn’t I speak up! He was like “really? Are you sure” and I just nodded my head. He was really gentle the first time and I guess I am thinking about this now because... it’s almost like he is using me for sex now. He seems like he has lost interest in my personality and wants to just sext and have sex when he is stressed. I don't know.

I guess I have two questions for ya:
1. Is what I described to you considered consent?
2. Do you think that this is normal behavior for a guy? Like I said, he was my first and I almost feel like he kinda took advantage of that especially since he has stopped texting me, initiating any convo, and altogether seems disinterested.

[Berethor]

He might used you, but he didn't raped you, your consent was not enthusiastic or smart but it was still a consent, at least when it come to the sex itself, you said "sure". The forceful kiss could had been seen as a sexual assault, but you kept making out with him after that, later he also touched you down there without consent, but because he did that while he was making out with you, it hard to take your "lack of interest in him" seriously at that point, and you said "sure" for having sex with him after that, which makes all the things that he done before be seem as minor in comparison, if you walked away after the first kiss or after he first touched you down then you might had a case, but instead you allowed him to fuck you, and you lost your precious virginity to him. He not only was your first, he always be your first, even if you relationship would end, if you wanted to be with a guy who care about your personality then you should waited until marriage, but it's too late for that now, now you are at disadvantage, you lost an important bargaining chip, your virginity, now you can hope that he would make you a honest woman, but he already got what he wanted without any commitment.

As least he see you good enough to keep you around, if he had fucked and dumped it would had been worse. Is it a normal behavior for a guy to be interested in a girl mainly for sex? yes it is, guys tend to be more sexual than girls, and as the saying goes "women are like locks", you was the one who should had kept you legs close, he is a typical man who was acting like a typical man, and now after he fucked you and owned you, he would not be going back to a sexless dating with you, not that it toke him long to open your lock in the first place, despite your virginity, your virginity should made you harder to get, not easier to get, but you claim to had been a very native and submissive virgin? anyway if you wanted to keep your virginity, making out with a guy in a isolated place was not a good idea, you was playing with fire, maybe you needed an 'overprotective dad' but it's too late for that now, now the only thing that can save your honor is if the guy would make you a honest woman, as a girl's value fall the more guys that she had been with, it means that the ideal situation for you at that point would be if your first guy would also be your last guy.

The guy was pushy and manipulative, and he quite clearly didn't care much about your consent and readiness, he only wanted to fuck you as soon as possible, his non-sexual conversations and making out with you was mostly a means to an end, I doubt that he care much about making out in itself, and him touching you below the waist and complaining about blue balls and lack of relieve for an entire day didn't left any room for doubt. Well you sure helped him with him with his blue balls, but at the cost of your precious virginity, and now he expect to get a relief from you everytime that he gets hard, at that point he feel like he had conquered you and that he own your pussy, and he is not wrong about that, though he didn't own you legally, he own you spirituality, and playing hard to get after you already toke his cock is mostly pointless, and likely to backfire, as he would likely going to see you as a rebel and not as a new conquest.

Note that not only that you could had withdraw after he kissed and/or after he touch you below the waist, you also got a cooldown time that not every girl was lucky enough to get, and he made it fairly clear that he wanted to fuck you straight away, and that he planning to fuck you in the next time that he got his hands on you, and what you did? refuse to meet with him again? no, you meet him for additional nasty making out round in isolated place, and you known that to own your lips what not enough to him, he wanted to own your pussy too, to own you completely, and even if he not able to read your mind to know that he was able to make you feel bad about his blue balls, the fact that you meet with him again had given him induction that he would be able to take it all the way this time. There is no much induction in your story to give the impression the that he cared much about your personality to begin with, he was not spending time on a non-sexaul activities with you, and he was not talking about marriage with you, from what I understand you let him fuck you without even being his official girlfriend, let alone wife. Look like he even mostly ignored the fact that you was virgin, a personality trait that is important to many guys, he acted as if relieving a guy is not something new to you, you say that he had a lot of experience, well look like had a lot of experience mostly with slutty girls, though most girls nowadays are slutty so it's not surprising, that said maybe he value the fact that you was virgin even if he is not showing it, maybe it's one of the reasons that he keep you around.

Maybe you should be reminding him how he is the only guy that you had been with, and how he is your first and only in everything, maybe it would make him appreciate you more, anyway what's done is done, I think that you should keep having sex with him to keep him interested in you, even if it's "only" on a sexual level, it's still better than him losing interest in you completely, something that had already happen with other girls that he had been with, so he clearly not a guy who is easy to keep around, also you maybe should improve your cooking skills, then he would have an additional thing to appreciate in you as woman, as the saying goes "keep his belly full and his balls empty", those are two basic things that you need to do to keep him interest in you, keep it up and with some luck maybe he would make you a honest woman in the future. You can't get your virginity back, so at this point you should focus on how to keep him interest in you, and how to make him more interest in you, if he would leave you after you lost your virginity then you would likely feel more used, and rightfully so. Women by their nature tend to value long term relationships more than men, it's because men fuck, women get fucked, and women are the ones who get pregnant.

https://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/Why+buy+a+cow+when+you+can+get+milk+for+free%3F

https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/main/overprotectivedad

[Anonymous]

I've been in a pretty similar situation, but the sexes were reversed. It was complicated by the fact she'd spent a lot of money on me that day, and I felt I 'owed' her what she wanted, plus I needed her to drive me back to my car. I wasn't really 'into' what I was about to do, but I didn't want to think about what might happen if I said no. The sex was... good? I guess? I came, she came, she drove me back to my car... it wasn't what I would have asked for, but I left myself get into that position and now I have to live with the consequences of my choices. She was lonely and horny, and I let it happen. I don't think trying to push blame on her about technicalities of consent is really productive.

[Mikelaughs]

This must be difficult to deal with.
We should talk about it somewhere else where others can't see

[ChocoBrownieMonster]

troll.

[Asker]

Wtf... how do you conclude that from my question? Answer my question...

[ChocoBrownieMonster]

begone feminist

[swettannie]

you gave consent

[Anonymous]

You gave consent