Sexual Relationships
+1 y

I really need advice, why am I such a monster?

Long post, sensitive content.

So pedophilia is something I am against very much so, I would go out and help rescue little kids from being trafficked and I would wanna protect them! But sometimes when I am scrolling through tiktok and a little kid is dancing, I get unwanted thoughts of them being sexualized? I overthink a lot and my mind runs rampant with thoughts all the time, if someone doesn't say hi to me someday I think I did something wrong to them. And it's like I can't control my thoughts, I know pedophilia is wrong. And whenever I go out and see kids I am not ever sexually attracted to them. it's the thoughts that go on in my head that ruin it. Like my friends brother is older now and he's like 16 or 17 and I find him attractive sometimes? Whenever the thought goes in my head I try to get it out. But it sticks in their more. I am 23 and I am so unstable. I don't know.. Is this normal? Is it my terrible anxiety or do I have OCD? I am so worried. I don't wanna be like this, it's like why me... Whenever I watch a documentary on girls getting captured or when they are explaining on what happened to them sexually, I sometimes get a weird tingly feeling in my genitals. I am a female by the way. how the fuck did I get this fucked up?

Like I think that's why I can't find a decent man because he secretly knows I am a monster.. I really need advice?
Updates:
+1 y
I watch a lot of stuff on pedophilia but I have recently stopped because it gets to me. I started crying... :/
0 1

Superb Opinion

  • Your comment, "I overthink a lot and my mind runs rampant with thoughts all the time, if someone doesn't say hi to me someday I think I did something wrong to them. And it's like I can't control my thoughts..." is revealing. Some people, especially girls and young women, obsess a lot. Also, young people, in their lack of life experience, think everything is the end of the world, permanently life stigmatizing. They are wrong.

    In regards to pedophilia, getting a tingling feeling in your genitals does not make you a pedophile. Not at all. Women, in particular, find the idea of being violated and/or dominated erotic. It's why one of the most prevalent female fantasies is rape. It doesn't mean that they approve of rape or would ever want to actually get raped. They can hold both things in their mind - absolute disdain and revulsion toward rape and a silly fantasy that is more like an erotic novel or horror movie. It is thrilling but in no way something that they approve of. Does that make sense?

    You understand that child abuse is horrific. That means you are a good person.
    On the issue of finding young men attractive, that's normal. Who doesn't find young, physically mature people sexually attractive? They're gorgeous. But appreciation and even fantasy is not the same as action.

    So enjoy your erotic thoughts and sensations. You sound perfectly healthy aside from the fact that you obsess too much and harbor a lot of undeserved guilt.

    Maybe you can release some of your angst by getting into a relationship and engaging in unbridled sex. Release your freak side. Explore your sexual desires in a healthy way with someone who will play along.

Most Helpful Guy

  • As long as you don't do anything to anyone, not even in a sense of any initial actions, you can accept it as part of your being.

    As long as something does not endanger anyone, there is no need to worry about.

    HOWEVER if you, by viewieng it without exaggeration, calmly, observe that it could get into a state when you might be doing wrong things because of that "inclination", THEN go into therapy in every case.

    I, for example, sometimes find underage people sexually attractive (I don't think it also is true if we consider children, but it can be.). And I can admit and should admit it because it is just part of my nature.
    And I do admit it now although in the current state of society many would get completely wrong ideas - well, it comes from people's ignorant attempts to make human inner biological nature more beatiful than it is in their minds, even to lie to themselves to only not see the dirty and animalistic reality.

    BUT I know that I never would do anything to them in the least, that it's just impossible in my case and can control even my thoughts by any interactions with them. To be completely clear: I don't even let thoughts in this direction appear though I somehow feel that they could.

    So you see, you are not alone. As long as it is inside of you, you are fine. It is even better if you accept it as part of you being because then it doesn't bother you and you get the complete control. Acceptance is first step of a change and first step of getting control as well.

    • But again the latter, only if you can be sure you won't ever harm anyone because of that and won't do any wrong because of that.

    • Oh, it might be important since it could go away by me when I become 35 or sooner: I am much younger than my profile age indicates.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I am sooo sorry to hear your going through this baby. This sounds awful for you and I would like to assure you that your not a monster by any means. So many people are experiencing these sorts of thoughts and feelings. You'd be surprised to know how common this is.

    Let me tell you about myself, I work in mental health but I am also a believer in Christ. This might sounds a little out there but there is a really dark presence and force in this world that leads us down paths we never thought we'd go. What your talking about is not uncommon at all.

    If you'd like to talk some more about this then please message me.

    If you don't feel comfortable discussing this with me then know you will be in my prayers, may the father find you and bring you to Christ and release you from these chains of the world.

    Please know you are not alone in this my sister ❤️❤️❤️❤️

    • Hi, I responded to your post months ago. I was praying and you came to my mind, I wanted to check up on you and see how you are doing. I hope you're feeling better, you will be in my prayers God Bless

  • You are letting some fantasies of yours rule over your entire life and you have the need to dramatize everyday situations into something sexual, even where/when there is no need for it.

    To me, this sounds as if you are trying to work on a trauma that you may have experienced earlier in your childhood.

    You need to seek professional help and counselling before you are harming your psyche beyond what can be done to correct the problem.

    If you leave this situation as it is now, you may one day expose yourself to serious health conditions that will require institutionalization to get over.

    Take action before it is too late. Good luck!

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 15

  • Go get therapy. If your having desires to get with children, you need help. From a professional

    • Um, you probably only read half of my post am I right?

    • No I read the whole thing. I’m not trying to be rude about what I suggested. I’m saying if you find that you have an attraction of that nature, whether you admit it all the time and while it disturbs at the same time it turns you on. A professional would be able to give you tools in how to deal with those feelings. Your update states you watch porn that has pedophilic imagery, and while you may be avoiding it right now, what happens when the urge gets to be to much? Not saying it will but it may. Wouldn’t you want to be prepared with how to handle that?

  • Two choices: find a role play partner or therapy. No, ur not a monster or a pedo. Part of accepting who u r is not listening to stupidity. Know your boundaries but don't feel bad about walking a razors edge, especially if you truly care about someone. A monster doesn't love, so if love is in ur heart then ur not a monster.

  • It's normal to find some 16-year-olds attractive. They are sexually mature. That's not pedophilia. You recognize that a relationship with a schoolboy is inappropriate. You are normal.

  • Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I still think so, if they're as young as I said last time

  • Therapy can help.

    • And I understand that, but I wanna know if I am a pedophile before I go in and get it checked out..

    • If they haven't even hit puberty yet then ya I think you're.. one of them

  • You just need a root obviously the sexual build up is at exploding point. i would love to help you out anytime but little chance we would be near each other

    • What do you mean?

  • Children are sexualized throughout the media all day. Even look at children’s dress wear, esp for young girls today compared to 100 years ago. It’s fucked up and it makes sense it would have this sort of impact

  • just depends on your legal issues (where you're located)

    in my state, legal age of consent, is 16

  • First, you have a compulsive personality. I bet depression and anxiety are pertinent.

    Second, thought crimes aren’t a thing. You know it’s wrong and that’s all you need. Freud called it the ‘Id’ that lusts for everything. Your super ego is the reigns that hold you back.

  • Do not be sad. If you have a relationship with your peers, you will forget it. this is a disease anyway. You may need psychological treatment if it gets more advanced.

  • could be natural thoughts, but if you feel bad about then good

    never act upon those thoughts

    the fact you are not attracted and this feels bad it good, your hormones are trying to control you, just fuck guys your age

  • It just grieves you how children are sexualized. You are a normal person.

  • Have you watched the one documentary on Amazon prime?

  • You shouldn't fel bad for your thoughts or biological responses. You don't act on them, and that is the most important. At the end of the day, that's all that matters

  • You are not secretly a monster.

    A 15 or 16 year old teen can be as physically developed as an 18 year old teen. There is nothing inside of us that suppresses attraction based on someone's age. Lots of people look at teens and consider them to be attractive. Some people may not want to admit this, but there are some even fantasize about having sex with those teens. Those are basic id impulses that we cannot prevent from happening.

    What we can prevent is acting on those impulses. You don't try to seduce underage guys and no harm has been done. When I was married, I had an 18 year old stepdaughter who was very attractive and who frequently paraded around our home in just her panties, or just her panties and a short tee shirt, when her mother was not home. I felt sexual urges when I saw her but I never acted on them and no harm was done. Did that make me a monster? I don't think so.

    Sometimes, impulses and urges creep up in us and everyone has some dark recesses where such things lurk. What sets good people apart from bad people is how they respond to those impulses and, so far, you are doing very well.

  • You don't have to act on any of your feelings. Underage people don't start looking good once they become an adult. So recognizing someone is attractive at 15 is only a problem if you pursue them. You're not a monster for just having those thoughts; you only become one if you were to act on them.

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