I'm very picky with boys and always get bored. Before this year I used to feel anxious when I got too close to a boy. I like talking to a boy, going out to a restaurant with it, hugging, kissing on the cheek but nothing more. Before this year I had never felt sexual tension when I was close to a boy, except if he was a teacher. But now I can feel it with boys older than me. But I never want to kiss them or whatever. I can get wet if the boy strokes me or talks dirty to me but kissing him doesn't appeal to me at all. I've never masturbated except this year and it was just because the boys didn't believe me and though i was lying. It was barely pleasant and I'm too scared to finger myself. I had a boy that I flirted with for three years, and even though I talked to other boys I was only interested in him. Anyways. He's changing countries this year and I said to myself that we should conclude all this. I went to his house and he didn't even heat me up and he straight undressed and kissed me and asked me to suck him and finger me and it all went fast I didn't like anything and he me ached and he wouldn't stop when I asked him and forced me to suck him a second time. Anyways. I felt dirty for three days and forgot. The only thing I liked was when he gave me a little spanking. I don't watch anything on porn sites other than spanking and choking videos. That's all that turns me on. I avoid scenes where there is sex, except in the series when it's my favorite characters and there is a real story. Anyways. I wonder if I'm going to stay like this all my life, not even wanting to kiss a boy. I was adopted and my dad treats me really badly and I'm wondering if a like this bc of daddy issues. My mom is kind most of the time even though she says very hurtful things to me. She hates men including my father and I wonder if that influenced me. Also I was hit when I was younger and I wonder if that's what influenced my sexuality. Nothing turns me on except being hurt or dominated.