Sexual Relationships
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Is it normal to never have had any real sexual pleasure at 18?

I'm very picky with boys and always get bored. Before this year I used to feel anxious when I got too close to a boy. I like talking to a boy, going out to a restaurant with it, hugging, kissing on the cheek but nothing more. Before this year I had never felt sexual tension when I was close to a boy, except if he was a teacher. But now I can feel it with boys older than me. But I never want to kiss them or whatever. I can get wet if the boy strokes me or talks dirty to me but kissing him doesn't appeal to me at all. I've never masturbated except this year and it was just because the boys didn't believe me and though i was lying. It was barely pleasant and I'm too scared to finger myself. I had a boy that I flirted with for three years, and even though I talked to other boys I was only interested in him. Anyways. He's changing countries this year and I said to myself that we should conclude all this. I went to his house and he didn't even heat me up and he straight undressed and kissed me and asked me to suck him and finger me and it all went fast I didn't like anything and he me ached and he wouldn't stop when I asked him and forced me to suck him a second time. Anyways. I felt dirty for three days and forgot. The only thing I liked was when he gave me a little spanking. I don't watch anything on porn sites other than spanking and choking videos. That's all that turns me on. I avoid scenes where there is sex, except in the series when it's my favorite characters and there is a real story. Anyways. I wonder if I'm going to stay like this all my life, not even wanting to kiss a boy. I was adopted and my dad treats me really badly and I'm wondering if a like this bc of daddy issues. My mom is kind most of the time even though she says very hurtful things to me. She hates men including my father and I wonder if that influenced me. Also I was hit when I was younger and I wonder if that's what influenced my sexuality. Nothing turns me on except being hurt or dominated.
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Superb Opinion

  • Based on my understanding, this seems to be a deep rooted issue and most probably it has got to do with your childhood. It seems like your parents has been emotionally unavailable, also your dad was physically abusive. That somehow caused an impact in adolescence whereby one would chose a partner and discover their sexuality.

    Sorry to hear, the boy you liked didn't really prioritize your satisfaction during sex. But I think it's a learning experience. And since you mentioned you have a specific preferences on sex eg choking and spanking, why not be clear of what you want? Maybe the person would like doing it as well?

    And i dont think there's anything wrong with you for not experiencing any real sexual pleasure. Maybe you haven't really discovered that part of you, in order to feel pleasure?
    You have your preferences in terms of sexuality, and there's nothing to be ashamed about.

    • Well thank you so much for this! 🥺 Yeah you're right for a lot of things and yeah I didn't even told him and he did what a like but it just doesn't feel nice as if it was an older man ☹️ And I would like to open up and don't feel absolute anxiety when someone tries to touch me.. I can't accept the affection of someone and hardly can give mine.. And I believe it's because I've always had to beg my mom to give me a kiss or a hug, sometime i've done the cores just so she can give me a hug.. and it was deep down in my memory and I just reminded it right now and it made me cry.. I hate being that weird why can't I have a normal sexuality and kiss boys as other girls.. Anyways.. sorry if I'm oversharing but you're opinion was so great it made me think further.. also sorry for my English i'm french :/

    • Oh :( I'm glad you opened up, and sometimes crying helps to feel lighter. I hope you are feeling better now. I can understand the emotional unavailability of your parents when you were a child. It does hurts. But you deserve love and to be treated with care. In terms of sexuality, you do you. Since, you are experiencing anxiety I would suggest to take slow, try to take the next level when you really trust him. But it's also important to be honest and communicate with the person. So, he would have an idea of what you really want. If he can't deliver it, there will definitely be someone who would actually be pleased to make you happy.

    • thank you you're such a nice person <3 I hear what you say and it make me feel better about myself.. I knew boys who could understood me and could've go slow but I runned away because I was scared to get attached.. Anyways.. I'm trying with a boy actually and he's really understanding and nice and he deals with me and my fear or loving or trusting and he made me feel worth of love and attention and everything that goes that way.. My mom always told me that I was too ugly and never a boy will want me.. since I was 10 and I don't know if it's still working in my mind even if I know that I'm not ugly.. I don't know.. thank you a lot for what you did it made me think a little further and I hope i'll finally understand myself and again sorry for my English

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Most Helpful Guys

  • Yes, there is definitely a connection between what turns you on and how you are treated by your parents. You've grown up thinking its normal. I suggest getting away from your parents as soon as possible.

  • Paraphilias a not normal especially if you unable to enjoy any actual sexual activities.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Not normal, sorry it’s been rough growing up.

    • yeah i'm sad it influenced my sexuality but at least it gave me some charecter development :/ :)

    • You can be a sexual person moving forward once you do the work and improve your self esteem. True, you are more resilient than some because of the rough upbringing. Do you want to open up sexually or is that a fear?

    • I also think it's a fear. I have a lot of trouble accepting affection and I have trouble giving it because I'm too closed emotionally. And out of affection I also talk about sex, when a boy caresses me it makes me anxious and I I feel like we are invading my personal space.. But thank you you made me think even more about my problem

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  • we al have different sexuality and sex life. don't be ashame of what you like

    • that's sweet but I have feeling for boys but I just know that i can't give them what they want and feel bad for it :( but thanks ❤️

    • you just need to find the good one that will give you what you like

    • I'm actually with a boy who's 8 years older than me and I never felt this way and I think I'm starting to be normal.. but the fact that I only like much older boys.. it scares me a little it's weird :/

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  • Normal

    • really?

    • yea, for sure

    • but like.. isn't that weird to simply don't want to kiss a boy or do something with him? :/

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  • Depends on your sexual activity and what you define yourself as real sexual pleasure.

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