My last boyfriend implicitly made me feel like an object to be admired and that I was only valued for sexual appeal. He did really care about me for more than that I think but he had such a large focus on my physical characteristics. He always wanted to jerk off when on the phone to me and tried to get me to have phone sex which i only tried once and it made me feel umcomfortable. I never went the whole way with him but he did want me to give him a blowjob and I said I wasn't ready yet and he emphasised his disappointment through his actions ( e. g. pouting and telling me that I was wasting time with him) I ended up feeling guilty enough that I did end up doing it. I regretted it a bit afterwards and felt a bit pressured even though he never forced me. It didn't hit me that hard then but after we broke up it did. Now in my current relationship it's hard to make jokes sexually or dirty talk or anything related at all to that. It's hard for me to feel comfortable with some things even though I've moved on from all that and I sometimes I get upset and am emotionally set off at even the slightest suggestion that there is more of a focus on me sexually then me as a whole person. I don't know why but it causes me to feel really sick, upset and start crying randomly and I'm not sure if it's because I'm afraid of feeling used like and made to feel uncomfortable like that again even though my present boyfriend loves me for who I am.