I ended up sleeping with my best friend's ex boyfriend?

Anonymous

Well I posted a question a few days ago about having feelings for my friends then boyfriend. Since then he broke up with her and admitted feelings for me. He spoke with her and told her he had feelings for someone else, but left me out of it so far.
Well today we had school together and group after so I saw him all day. We ended up going over to his house while his parents went to work. Needless to say one thing led to another and we ended up having sex for the first time. It was amazing and sorta everything I had hoped it to be. But I still don't know how to tell my best friend... and I feel like shitty person because of this

Updates:

+1 y

Well she's pissed at me and him. I told her today after one of our classes and she just blew up on me. And during lunch she threw her drink on his face, so for now it seems like I may need to let her be for awhile. And hope she calms down

0 1

Superb Opinion

BeenThereLovedIt Yoda
+1 y
Having to go through the remainder of your friendship and keeping it a secret would really suck, and you would eventually realize that it will come to a bad end, sooner or later. And the longer you keep it a secret, the more dubious you will appear to her.

What's done is done. I think this is just one of those mistakes that you can't fix, you can only make it worse. It's basically a shitty life lesson. So how you handle this going forward will be key. You need to fess up and be honest and truthful with her (and him too) about it. It's your only opportunity to try to start healing the damage. Regardless of the outcome, it's the only way forward that can have any positive outcomes.

One other option is that you just just move far away with or without him, ghost everyone else and start over.

Good luck.
0 0 0 0

Most Helpful Guy

jmf909 Xper 5
+1 y
Expect he will go back to his ex and leave you even more fucked up in the head but at least your first experience with him was a good one maybe your friend won't be to upset with you about it like how long have they been broken up. she would of told you what she was hoping for with him and all the nitty gritty little things they did and he did that you thought he was so sweet for and so had to jump his bones next. but never mind he will likely root every girl in the group and a dozen more before end of year
0 0 0 0
- Asker
  +1 y
  No he won't
- jmf909
  +1 y
  Hope your right

Most Helpful Girls

cc-catlady Xper 4
+1 y
You better do that right thing and tell them what you did, because you were made the choice of doing this now its time to take the responsibility of this choice and call you to do the right thats needed to be handled. If you ignore keeping this a secret to make sure no know finds out about will only reveal that you're a two face who will be treated by others based on you treating them like that to not be trustworthy
0 0 0 0
WolfyGirl2077 Xper 5
+1 y
hun good friendship is build to last while highschool relationships come and go i would recommend dont talk with the boy and get friends with her again when possible cause him going so quickly over to u means he isn't the kinda boy u wanna be fucked by he's gonna leave your ass when he's filled u
0 0 0 0
- Asker
  +1 y
  I'm not breaking up with him
- WolfyGirl2077
  +1 y
  Then i wouldn't recommend trying to get back to her your standing at a crossroad and u can't go both ways

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 8

Lov2PlezUgurl Xper 6
+1 y
I'm sorry to tell you but she want be your best friend much longer and then your new boyfriend won't be your boyfriend and you won't have eather your best bet is to break it off from the guy and apologise to your best friend and maybe after she calms down you will still be friends but probably not best friends that ship has sailed sorry
0 0 0 0
- Asker
  +1 y
  But I don't want to break it off with him
- Lov2PlezUgurl
  +1 y
  then you will loose your best friend and most likely your new boyfriend within a month if not sooner there is a chance that I'm wrong and I hope for your sake I am
- Lov2PlezUgurl
  +1 y
  I take back everything I said you see as it is in most situations you don't get all the information that's needed to have a fair opening in just a few paragraphs I apologize for jumping to conclusions I'm deeply sorry and I think you will do good with your new best friend and boyfriend
- Show All Show Less
- Asker
  +1 y
  Thanks
Marcuslrh Xper 7
+1 y
I guess you have to tell her about it hope she is forgiving about it so you can be together is your ownly option really best coming from you then anyone else
0 0 0 0
- Asker
  +1 y
  I plan on telling her. I'm just not sure how tom
- Marcuslrh
  +1 y
  Ownly one way do it in person and tell her how you feel if it's your best friend an sure she will understand
Mikelaughs Xper 7
+1 y
Please dont torture yourself because of this !
These things happen sometimes.
If you want to have a non judgmental conversation, hmu
0 0 0 0
- Asker
  +1 y
  I'm just sad and sorry to her. I really didn't mean to catch feelings like I did. And what happened today was not planned, it just happened. And people here calling me a slut and shitty friend is hurting my feelings
- Mikelaughs
  +1 y
  It's not something you looked for or planned ! We should talk about it somewhere else where others can't see
- Asker
  +1 y
  I don't feel comfortable messaging anyone on my sister's account. She'd be upset if I did
- Show All Show Less
- Mikelaughs
  +1 y
  I understand. Let me know if you change your mind
- Asker
  +1 y
  We can talk here. I'd feel more comfortable that way
- Mikelaughs
  +1 y
  People will judge. That's why I'd rather not talk here. But I understand if you don't want to
- Asker
  +1 y
  I don't care all to much if they judge. I can't say anymore thst will make them say worse then what they think now.
- Mikelaughs
  +1 y
  Like I said, let me know if you change your mind
- Mikelaughs
  +1 y
  Will you continue to see him?
- Asker
  +1 y
  Yes.
- Mikelaughs
  +1 y
  At least you two have each other
Twalli Master
+1 y
He's her ex. It may hurt, but you are in the clear because you didn't allow him to cheat on her with you. You waited.
0 0 0 0
- Asker
  +1 y
  Am I really a bad friend or slut like people here said... I didn't mean for that to happen today... it just ended up happening when we were alone.
- Twalli
  +1 y
  You aren't a slut. You had sex with a guy you liked who liked you. I wish more people would have sex like that. I don't really know if what happened makes you a bad friend. The way I see it is that you didn't do anything to harm their relationship, so when it ended you were free to do as you wished. If you actively tried to sabotage their relationship to get him, then I would say you are a bad friend, but not because you slept with him, but because you tried to destroy your friend's relationship.
In_Trance Master
+1 y
aren't you a little old for high school?
1 0 0 0
- Asker
  +1 y
  I'm 17, I'm using my big sister's account
joshtheman Xper 5
+1 y
Keep it a secret.
0 0 0 0
Anonymous
+1 y
Talk to her, you may lose a friend. Tell her younever met to hurt her and you have had feeling for him.

Whatever you do though is not rise to her anger if she does like if she says stuff to hurt you like you were jealous and stole him frim me or have my sloppy seconds or other. Just let her hurt you emotionally like you did to her
0 0 0 0
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  Reply to update: that's was bound to happen
Anonymous
+1 y
oh I would be upset. You should just keep it a secret
0 0 0 0
- Asker
  +1 y
  But how? I want to be with him.
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  I guess you can't avoid it then. He must be pretty awesome for you to get involved.
- Asker
  +1 y
  He's amazing and a really nice guy. I've actually never felt more comfortable and cared about then I do with him.
- Show All Show Less
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  She'll probably get over it eventually, after all it was an EX boyfriend
Anonymous
+1 y
Well, that's a shitty fucking move in your part. Your friend deserves better.
0 0 0 0
- Asker
  +1 y
  I didn't mean for that to happen with us. I have had feelings for him for years that I tried to not act on. And they broke up, and it just happened. And I wanna tell her but I have no idea how to explain to her that I've had feelings for as long as I have. And if I tell her how I started liking him I'll break a promise to him I made before about not telling anyone about his bipolar disorder.
- Twalli
  +1 y
  So we're supposed to believe she didn't know he was bipolar and he was manic the entire time they were dating?
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  Are you truly 17 and using your sisters account?
- Show All Show Less
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  Be honest with me.
- Asker
  +1 y
  @Twalli he takes meds so he's not always having episodes. He's pretty under control. And she typically when he's upset just thinks he's being moody. She doesn't really notice why he acts like that sometimes.
- Asker
  +1 y
  Yes anon person in really 17 and using her account
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  Girl.. I should best your ass. Why wouldn't you say that you were only 17? Sweetie, you CANNOT do that. You are on a very adult related website and where it says you are 25-29, we are going to judge you like you're that age. You're still a child and you have so much to learn. How long was your friend dating this boy? Did she love him? More importantly, does she love you? You have to understand that she may not forgive you for this one. That's going to be hard, especially at 17.
- Asker
  +1 y
  They've been together a little over 2 years. I started liking him maybe a few months after they started dating when I saw him in a grouo therapy we both do for being suicidal. Both for different reasons. And we ended up talking everyday and it just became more then him being a friend. I never actually meant for this to happen.
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  So, you guys basically bonded through trauma, which in turn makes you feel connected to this boy in a very different way... that most people won't understand. But, I personally know exactly where you are coming from. This is a tough one and it's not going to be easy no matter which route you take unfortunarely.
- Asker
  +1 y
  And he's a really nice guy. Having someone who knows how I feel is nice, even she doesn't get it. I just don't want to hurt her feelings or her hate me or him
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  You remind me so much of myself. Granted, I didn't fuck my best friends boyfriend but hey, shit happens. here's the cold hard reality... I was once in a very similar position when it came to my feelings. I was suicidal. Unfortunately no one got me help when I needed it. So, in turn, I thought no one loved me. I mean, what other reason it could it possibly be? After all, my cut up arms and crys for help were on display. So I thought no one cared and I flung myself at anyone who made me feel like they understood. Because I needed to feel that closeness.
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  But despite the fact that I felt like I was broken, I still cared more about everyone else. Which explains why you are concerned that your friend might hate this boy.
- Asker
  +1 y
  So you think I'm throwing myself at him because he understands how I feel?
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  But you need to take care of yourself first. Take this from someone who knows exactly what it feels like to lose many people that I loved dearly because they didn't understand my depression.
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  And yes, you are throwing yourself at him. And no, I am not calling you a slut. Take the sex and completely forget about that. You are throwing yourself at him emotionally because he helps you understand and he makes you feel understood
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  And that's not a bad thing. You guys are helping eachother. You shouldn't feel bad about needing him as your crutch.
- Asker
  +1 y
  Or because I actually care for him.
- Asker
  +1 y
  You make it sound like I'm using him just to feel better.
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  I'm not saying you dont. If you feel like I am trying to say you dont like this guy, I apologize.
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  That's not what I'm trying to get at at all.
- Asker
  +1 y
  Then what are you saying? Because it didn't really sound like you think I actually care for him. You said I'm throwing myself at him. I never did that
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  I forget the younger generation takes things so literally. I should know this. I mean, my 17 year old sister is the same way. Ugh, alright. So what I meant, is that you "throw yourself" at him, not in a physical sense but what can be described as a "soulful" sense. You're connected through trauma, meaning you have connected with him on a much deeper level. It means you care for him more than you care for the regular person. In conclusion, you probably care about him more than your friend ever would.
- Asker
  +1 y
  Maybe. I'm not sure. I just know I love him, and I actually feel like in these two years I've fallen in love with him
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  Then you need to make a tough choice here. And unfortunately, you have to ask yourself a really tough question. Is your love for this boy strong enough to MAYBE ruin your friendship? She might not understand or forgive you. But I will tell you this. I have been dating my best friends ex for the past 3 wonderful years. My situation is different than yours, only because my friend encouraged me to date him. I almost said no, because I thought I was disrespecting her and that she would hate me. But eventually, I gave in and he's the best damn thing that walked into my life. If this boy makes you happy, take the leap. If she doesn't forgive you, cry about it and comment on this post. We will talk it out.
- Asker
  +1 y
  I think it's a little too late to not take the leap after we slept together... and now all I want is to see him again tomorrow.
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  So go see him. If your friend doesn't forgive you, she was never your friend.
- Asker
  +1 y
  You really think so?
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  Yes. I mean, what you did sucked. We all know that. But it's pretty obvious that you feel absolutely terrible and care a great deal about her being upset. You know you did wrong. You didn't mean for it to happen. If she can't see that, at 17, than she is not a friend that would ever have a future in your life. You guys are young and mistakes are bound to be made. It's the friendships that forgive these faults that last.
- Asker
  +1 y
  I really hope she'll see it like that.
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  I do too, for your sake. But if she doesn't, dont be afraid to reach out, alright? I know what it's like being in my feelings and thinking about doing something stupid to harm myself. Just promise me you will reach out and comment on this post if you feel like that.
- Asker
  +1 y
  I will. I don't think he'd let me even think of those things without realizing and stopping me
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  Good man!
- Asker
  +1 y
  He really is lol
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  I bet he is :) Alright sweetie, good luck to you. Remember, do what makes you happy, always.
- Asker
  +1 y
  Thank you
- Lov2PlezUgurl
  +1 y
  and I think that the opinion owner is wiser than her years thank you for being there for her when she needed you
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  @Lov2PlezUgurl not a problem at all. I know what it's like to not have anyone when you feel alone. I will go out of my way to try to prevent others from feeling like that.