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Girls, how did you get past a betrayal?

Anonymous
so my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. He's 30 and I'm 22, and last year I caught him watching porn. Not like as in caught him in the act, but I was joking around and took his phone and was all "haha I got your phone" when I spotted something in his friends messages, he had been sending and receiving videos of various women in various states of undress that personally i consider porn. Mostly if they were wearing anything at all it was just a thong. We'd already kinda been having issues with sex, he didn't seem to want to do it as much and he claimed it was because he was old. Yeah come to find out that about once a week or so he would just wait for me to go to bed and then jerk off, whether or not I had already tried to sleep with him that night. I think that's what hurt the most. I was being rejected for his hand and a screen. That hurt. And I'll admit, I've gained weight. I started birth control because he doesn't like condoms, and within about 2 years I went from never being 100 pounds to 150 pounds. I've been trying to get back down but so far I've only lost 13 pounds. Anyway I freaked out, and he promised to stop. Since then I've caught him 2 more times and even went insane enough to put parental blocks on the internet which I still feel guilty about. I've totally lost my mind and I don't know how to stop. Every day I don't feel good enough. It's been about 4 months since thr last time I caught him looking at anything (and I've been going through his phone and doing random checks) but in my head I'm CONVINCED that's all he does when I'm not around. This isn't healthy at all. And I know that. I've become toxic to him , but I've given him every chance to leave and he hasn't. And I don't want to leave him because I mean aside from this he's a good guy. Girls, how did you get past this if you've gone through it? And how long did it take to heal?
Girls, how did you get past a betrayal?
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