Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Why can't I be normal and not a monster?

So pedophilia is something I am against very much so, I would go out and help rescue little kids from being trafficked and I would wanna protect them! But sometimes when I am scrolling through tiktok and a little kid is dancing, I get unwanted thoughts of them being sexualized? I overthink a lot and my mind runs rampant with thoughts all the time, if someone doesn't say hi to me someday I think I did something wrong to them. And it's like I can't control my thoughts, I know pedophilia is wrong. And whenever I go out and see kids I am not ever sexually attracted to them. it's the thoughts that go on in my head that ruin it. Like my friends brother is older now and he's like 16 or 17 and I find him attractive sometimes? Whenever the thought goes in my head I try to get it out. But it sticks in their more. I am 23 and I am so unstable. I don't know.. Is this normal? Is it my terrible anxiety or do I have OCD? I am so worried. I don't wanna be like this, it's like why me... Whenever I watch a documentary on girls getting captured or when they are explaining on what happened to them sexually, I sometimes get a weird tingly feeling in my genitals. I am a female by the way. how the fuck did I get this fucked up?

Like I think that's why I can't find a decent man because he secretly knows I am a monster.. I really need advice

I watch a lot of stuff on pedophilia but I have recently stopped because it gets to me. I started crying...
like I stay away from kids from this reason. I'm just a fucked up piece of shit. this is so wrong of me. I over think all the time. thoughts come into my mind and my mouth says differently but my brain says different. are these intrusive thoughts?
Updates:
+1 y
I'm contemplating suicide..
0 1

Superb Opinion

  • Okay, breathe for a second. Have you considered the idea that maybe it's not kids that excite you but what's happening to them? Like being kidnapped, etc? I know, I know but stick with me for a minute. There is an entire world of kinks centered around kidnapping, consensual non-consent, and the like. Many adults are into that kind of thing and it's not at all weird. And whether it centers around wanting these things done to you or wanting to do them to someone else it's totally cool if you're doing it with a consenting adult.

    As for the rest of it, I don't think there's anything wrong with a 23 year old finding a 16-17 year old attractive. You're not much older than them. I'm 30 and I've found myself in a few awkward situations where I've found myself attracted to someone only to find out they were underage. It happens and it's really not that serious if you have the mental capacity to be like, "Nope, that's a child" and keep it moving. Would you act on it? That's the biggest question. Are you just attracted to them or are you attracted to them because they're underage? There's a difference.

    I have a daddy kink. I realized it pretty young, like 18-19. It scared the shit out of me. Similarly to you I felt like I was a monster and I was so ashamed of it. But then I met someone who identifies as a "little" and she opened my eyes to the world of Daddy Dom/little girl and how completely misunderstood it is. Because the thing is, I was never interested in pretending to be a child, I was never interested in my actual father, and the men I've called "Daddy" are not interested in children either.

    My point in saying all of this is, maybe you just need a new perspective. Look at all of it in a different light. If you genuinely think you're attracted to children than seek help. You're only a monster if you act on it. You haven't hurt anyone and it doesn't sound like you would either. Having intrusive thoughts doesn't make you a monster. If you feel comfortable and you want to talk more, message me. I think you're just confused. It's going to be okay.

    • Very well said!

Most Helpful Girl

  • It’s called an intrusive thought, you don’t have control over it. If you are not sexually attracted to kids you’re not a pedo. Intrusive thoughts can make you think a lot of wack things- I’d suggest doing some research on it.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Listen. People have thoughts about things they would never do, and when you focus on something so much it becomes something that just happens. I feel extremely sorry for law enforcement who have to deal with things like this because they have to actually see this when they investigate. They undoubtedly have thoughts that involuntarily go through their minds.

    You care about kids and don't want to see them hurt. But society is not helping either. Kids are being exploited, such as the Netflix Cuties. We as a society are being bombarded with negative images that give people unwanted thoughts. It's not you.

    Just be strong. And if you need help don't be afraid to call someone who can help. There are groups who do things like this. So please don't do anything to yourself.

    • I'd recommend some places for help, but I'm not sure what state or even country you are in. But again please find help. The attitude you have in wanting to help children is something we need more of.

  • You should probably seek help, I don't think you are a pedophile so don't worry.

    A 16/17 year in my opinion isn't that bad, sure it's illegal in the states but laws doesn't always represent what's right or wrong. In my country for example it's not illegal and the legal age is 15 which is more reasonable in my opinion. This can be discussed of course and I can't be bothered writing the full argument as to why I think 18 is too high age.

    Anyway you really should seek some help because you haven't done anything wrong and you shouldn't feel like a monster because you aren't. Trust me we've all thought about something we shouldn't but what matters is if you act on it or not.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 8

  • Being attracted to a 17-year-old is not pedophilia. At 17 people are sexually mature and commonly used to marry. It’s normal to find some older teenagers attractive. It’s not normal for adults to attempt to initiate a relationship with a minor.

  • Okay, you are absolutely in control of your actions. A passing thought doesn't matter, what does matter is what you do with those thoughts. Everyone has thoughts and ideas that they're not proud of (me, they're usually homicidal), but it is an act that set's apart people who are truly horrible. Just as I would never put a bullet in someone, you will never touch a kid inappropriately.

  • Hi, listen you most likely have PTSD Premier time trying to help these children. Being exposed to that kind of stuff play the number on your brain. I had bad PTSD when I came back from Afghanistan. Please please please hang on oh, I promise it will get better. Go try to find someone to talk to. Anybody. You're not a bad person for turning evil. PTSD is real and it's a son of a bitch. I wish you all the luck in love in the world dealing with this! Just keep hanging on and get help it gets better I swear

    • Sorry that should say from your time trying to help these children.

  • see a therapist

  • Sounds like you’re being way too hard on yourself. You’re 23 and finding a 16 year old attractive? Not surprising at all, nor is there anything wrong with having that feeling especially since you recognize the need to wait till he is 18 and can legally give consent before anything ever happened.

  • Pm me

  • Your over thinking things just chill, if you actually did anything it's bad my mind it's a dark place I don't listen to it much or I end up feeling the same way too. it wouldn't be normal if you thought like it and didn't mind and wanted to do it then it's bad maybe

  • It's not ur thoughts but ur actions that count. I can relate because I watched over a 10 yr old girl who had a crush on me n would act very curious toward me if I were in the bathroom or getting changed, n I've had thoughts of why not let her see, but it was fleeting n I knew it was just a thought even when I had no intentions. Ur okay

    • Maybe I'm worst so help. I kinda liked, but she did catch me changing shorts in the bathroom that I didn't shut, and stood there starting. I don't know y but I got a huge erection and acted like I didn't see her n as if I had other things to do in there... when my panic set aside I asked her to leave n that I didn't see her n to always knock first. This was all of 60 seconds. But I felt sick to my stomach yet I felt the need to masturbate to her watching., which I didn't, it caught me off guard how evil is existing in me. But it all passed along with the self hate

  • Honestly, if you were a guy, you'd probably thought you were 100% normal. You seem to know it's not OK right? Have you ever felt a urge to go to an underage boy? I don't know but 16 is legal in many countries. You're not that older so... Do you know why you find teenagers more attractive?

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